Livin’ a conscious life

Lately i have been experience this overwhelming strength and positive energy in my life. I am aware of most of my thoughts and consciously directing them to the light - i also seem to REALLY not care too much about the ‘’honest opinion of others'’ like i embrace an alternative opinion from mine but it doesn’t make mine any less valid - i have had SO many of these happening lately. The strength just warms my soul each time i experience it esp since am aware, i feel like it’s helping me let go of so much burden that’s been laying on my shoulder for SO long. I am also very in tune with my feelings - good and bad — and am doing as i feel, ha! that’s true liberation and freedom. Seriously. Indifferent to others views/opinions and tapping into my gut feelings and acting according to what i feel because i know it’s come from an authentic part of me and therefore, i will have no regrets. Answers are coming from within, i’ve stopped searching for answers from others - i trust my feelings and let them guide me. I’m really enjoying this journey and it’s been very eye-opening - this experience has made me more open/vocal about my views which has evoked plenty responses/emotions which have shown me where i stand and who i stand with or not. This path am on has proved continuously the power of thoughts - i have been able to attract so many things/people just through my thoughts - seriously, be careful what you think because it might come true - i have focused on a lot of positive things/people i want in my life and they’ve been manifested - i feel like am in the realm, in the zone and i want to bask in it and stay here and even get further in this path. I would love to share my experience/path with others and get them ‘there’ too and also grow together. i believe that will happen. some day. not too long from now.

Light y’all x

Peace, serenity, clarity, purity of thought, water, colours, flowers, detox, nature, animals, breeze, rainfall, ocean, wood, trees, lol…. these all define my state of mind… the things that occupy my stream of thoughts. A new year is here, to me its pretty much such a symbol and alot of fuss. As a new-yearly tradition, like most, i like to think through the past year and give plenty thanks for what most would see as failures and of course successes! I haven’t done that consciously yet, but thats because i’ve been planning to do so on here
In 08, i had plenty radical moments in the sense that i thought about leaving my job and joining an org that would give me alot more challenging work and start off with a technical job as opposed to here where i started off as more admin and basic work but do get to do plenty technical work though that’s not my primary pre-occupation. I thought about going to grad school to do an MB.A and was really convinced about that, atleast thats what i thought until i looked a little deeper and realised it wasn’t coming from the right source and therefore i couldn’t listen to it. Few highlights of the year include:

my si.s getting hitched…. ahh, a beautiful moment - i remember all the excitement around planning it, the ups, downs, the confusion, the emotions etc… specifically picking out her dress, choosing the wedding colours, decor, endless TSN wedding shows, reading and pretty much mastering the quadzillion wedding mags we had at home, ahhh it was bliss, know how much of a girly girl i can be, i loved it all and can’t wait to plan another wedding, either for a close friend or for myself, even then ofcourse something that i think will always stay in my heart is after all the frustration that was going on in the reception venue and ended up spending way too much time arranging bse i know how much the bride wanted the reception to be superbly decorated, so we went to church about 10 mins b4 the service was to start and the bride and groom had arrive and this was my first time seeing her in her gown all dressed and ready to take the deep plunge… and i suddenly burst out into tears, i got so emotional and till this day still do whenever i think about it! The wedd.ing went REALLY REALLY well, ofcourse i loooked fi.re hot and so did the reception and everyone else, it was very well organised and wow, just super. I was too busy running up and down checking w/ the caterers, dj, ensuring people are well attended to but towards the end, i got to sit and enjoy! The bride and groom were sooooo thankful and said they couldn’t have asked for a better day! They loved it. My one was extremely useful and supportive that day and wow, he’s a good one, not that i wasn’t already aware, but that re-assured me!

Trip down to the A.tizzle to check on my oldie was good, very quiet and peaceful time… enjoy the serenity and the whole being in a different country and having not a worry in the world, i got to re-bond w/ him and loved it. He’s a good man, i love him.

Me and my one sort of re-becoming us, this started towards the end of the year, we stopped having endless arguments and resumed simply loving, phewww… we had a rough time at the beginning but we pulled through, nevertheless. I strongly believe we are love, we redefine friendship and soulful bonding. I love him w/ all the love i have.

At.kns doing me right and showing me a me, i’d not imagined i could be, wow… hail proteins and to.the.lef.t carbs! Seriously, though post-we.dding i went back to re-carbing and sort off went down hill up until now, lol… meaning i have resumed being carb-free and simply breathing and laying back

The big V idea came up this year and i have a strong feeling about its roll out in mid-09, i really do. Right now, i am doing plenty background research work and assessing the need for it and getting ready for the big plunge!

This year pretty much felt like a taking-a-step-back year for me, i didn’t want to rush things and felt the strong need to just be me and do only what feels right in my soul - i kicked pe.erpre.ssure to the curb and haven’t looked back, when i feel like hanging or doing things that involve others i do, when i don’t, i simply don’t. I sort of got a revelation to be comfy with me as i am, i now understand that people need to take you as you are regardless of your similarities or the lack.
I did an immense spiritual leap and its all gotten clearer to me than it ever has, i listened to plenty PD and read alot. Yes, reading is another thing that was a good step this year, i got back into the habit and read a pile of books on a variety of topics, ofcourse, some were memorable, others weren’t. In the beginning, they had an impact on me and got me slightly too indulged in the sense that i was trying to relate a bit too much to the characters and see things through their eyes, lol… but i regained my balance and became a bit picky about what i read. Looking out mostly for uplifting books, biographies and plain chilled out books, lol.

Workwise, things definately improved this year, i got to do plenty plenty technical work and love it. My boss remains truly an inspiration and i am thankful for working for him. I am still a bit put off by the fact that the impact of our work is still not very visible, i think i just want the process to move faster. I don’t know, i just wish i could see results directly - but it all comes down to life in the sou.th always being dependent on funds from western donors… grrhh and spending hours and hours doing reporting, proposals and silly things when alot more constructive work could be done implementing! Anyhow.

Friends - i met an amazing man and his wife in 08, they came to work w/ us for 6 months, for starters i just want to note how much he wanted alot of info b4 their arrival, he scheduled weekly calls w/ us asking for details on evrything possible, i liked that, though it was tiring, it definately was a good habit. Then, ofcourse he was the one to work with us, but he brought his wife w/ him! that to me was so cute. He was super smart and we had a number of chats together and he was encouraging me to move on from my job, get something more challenging, because am young and was really smart and could do so much better, he and his wife left such a huge mark in my life and i will forever be grateful to them. They were wonderful and simply good people. Loved it.

Me becoming aunt is another highlight of the year, i will always remember the feeling that went through me when sis told me she was expecting, such a beautiful thing, really is.

Growing w/ my mum and seeing the best in her is another blessing of 08, i have learnt to accept her as she is and accept that we don’t always have to agree on things and i don’t always have to air out my feelings, i just accept whatever she says and don’t have to necessarily say i disagree, just be cool. She’s fab and just like everyone is work in progress, i just need to see her as human and not superwoman!

Generosity - i did get a huge chance to show my generousity and when it came, i recognised it and did what i would normally first complain about and overanalyse. I gave.

Major thing i have learnt is to surrender. Let nature/universe/God handle things. I also learnt the beauty that is stopp.ing thought and the peace it arises, whenever i catch my thoughts straying and being ruled by fear (which to me means, judgement, jealousy any form of threat) i stop it. This has been amazing and is something i’d like to master in 09. I also learnt more about love and how love really is key and the solution to many problems! LOVE< LOVE

Overall, 08 was magical… it got me me and alot more. I loved it and am so thankful for all it brought my way and to still be here, healthy and able to do the things that i want to.

You are wonderful, you are beautiful, you are soulful and you have a pure heart… you doubt youself sometimes, but you have no reason to bse you are smart and you know very well what your purpose in life is i.e. love! you battle so much when tough times come and need to realise that the truth lies inside you, as much of a cliche as this sounds but it’s true… you have all your answers always become silent when the world is on full speed… stay silent, close your eyes, take deep breaths in and listen to you - you meaning, your true essense i.e. your heart… ignore your ego which only cares about your self importance which is so irrelevant. Always cold your head and listen to your heart, you’ll never go wrong. I am amazed at how spiritual you get each day, you eagerness for peace of mind, for a purpose, for not settling for less than what’ll trully satisfy you, for wanting to always go the extra mile to grow you mind and soul… i tell you something self, you are not wrong in rejecting peer pressure, you are very right in doing whatever feels good in your soul even if it’s just staying home on a saturday night to lay fresh sheets on your bed, or listen to some india or meditate.. thats your joy, you define fun, you redefine cool and so worry not about the external pressures you might face… just stay yourself, do you! I love you sooooo much and i know right now as i write that you are on the right path, the path that’ll gain you clarity, love, compassion, truth, end of suffering and peace! So go ahead and never doubt yourself, never judge the things that happen to you, always remember you are response-able and if you respond positively, you get closer to the light, which is ultimately peace. Follow you dreams, let love always guide you, listen and strain your ears to listen to that small silent whisper whenever you are faced with a tough choice. Fix yourself, fix your relationship with your family bse that just shows you have alot of healing to do… bse when we’re with family, we are 100% ourselves… so quit being good to the world and not good to your own kin, that means you’re only half way through your journey towards peace, beautiful and enlightenment. I wish you silence, i wish you love, i wish you always listen to your essense for you’ll never go wrong.
I love you, self, i do and i know you’re exceptional and will change the world, by being the change agent i.e. being the change you wanna see.

Peace, clarity, light, silence, calm, healthfulness, purity, water, calm breaths, stillness…

Wonderful man you are dear Uncle. I refuse to speak of you in past tense because i know you are here and very much alive, just not physically. I was almost born in your home, lol and you never stopped telling me that. Then you gave me a local name that meant “princess” you were easy going and had a life of your own, you refused to conform to societal expectations and did you own thing. Your deep intelligence, your refusal to tolerate mediocrity in any form or shape - true intellect you are. May your soul rest in peace. Yesterday at your funeral service, all people talked about was your hard work and dedication to lecturing the children of this nation. you were a proud university professor, passionate about what you did and worked relentlessly towards educating our people. You fought for what you felt was going to be build our country and develop it.

Beautiful soul, you have - Dear uncle. I remember looking forward to holidays because most of them we’d spend at yours, though it was a very long ride to get to yours, about 9 hours i think, by road… but i felt nothing during those trips because i knew i’d get to see you and you would spoil me and my siblings rotten. Chocolates, biscuits you name, you’d bring those home almost every evening. Your laughter really reflected your soul, lol, i can almost hear it, that loud laugh that is let out in little breaks, and you’d be trying to talk at the same time and then of course if it was a really good laugh you’d have tears rolling down your eyes. I can picture it now, lol, you sat on your couch in your living room or sat at the Olympiad bar, lol… awww

One of the few people i’d always be sure to write to whenever someone was traveling to your town… and you would always reply, don’t recall the contents very thoroughly but i know you would always encourage me to study hard at school and tell me the importance of school. I remember the letters would be written in black with a nice and fancy fountain pen… true intellect i tell you i remember your signature at the end of each letter, you signed your full name, always, which was rare for our people, since they all prefer fancy signatures that have little of no connection to their names, lol… including me, though mine does have my names in it, but in a rather discreet fashion.

True patriot - you are dear Uncle: And then talks about our beautiful home, you would always tell us how we have a beautiful nation was and how beautiful its people are and you would go and on about home. Of course us having been born in a foreign land, and being so young i felt little for my home because i knew little about it, i had never been. When we did return home in 96, with you and my family in the same flight all the way home… the joy you felt/showed was indescribable… you felt at home, you were proud to be here, very excited to speak our mother tongue and just be in the presence of your people, our people…
Your love for your country was manifested in the work you did, training young people to having a better future, to work hard, to never settle for anything less than the best, ofcourse some students didn’t like your rather forward nature with them, but you only did that because you truly cared and felt the only way they would learn best was by you being strict on them

You honesty, Uncle, lol… made you a truly unique being! You spoke you mind even at times when others would not due to fear or out of common politeness, you said what you felt and stood by it, am sure i witnessed a couple of people getting offended by your words, but you told what you felt and never held back, a quality that very few have and i truly admire in you. You never thought of the consequences of your words because you knew the very old cliche oh-so well “the truth shall set you free” and free you are today, in the presence of all those who your loved and laughing, lol, that laugh

I am sorry i never made an effort to get to know you better once we returned home, school, growing up, working and just dealing with daily life’s issues could be excuses i could come up with but that would not be the whole truth. Effort was what i lacked, i made no effort to visit you, or call you atleast once, even when you fell ill, (God forgive me, please) i didn’t visit and i ask for you apologies. I am truly sorry and i know my lesson is somewhere in this experience and i am all open hands to receive it. Please forgive me. I am very sorry.

You are my hero, uncle, you really are. I take with me you love for books, your love for intellectual growth, your honesty, your love for helping others, your love for education, your being selfless, your big heart and your love for children

May your soul rest in eternal peace and you will always have a VERY special place in my heart. I know i will see you one day but for now, you are here, i know - just not physically!

I LOVE YOU, UNCLE!

JUST READ THIS SOMEWHERE…

Evaluating Our Relationships

There comes a time in all our lives when we may need to evaluate our relationships, making sure that they are having a positive effect on us, rather than dragging us down. Without realizing it, we may be spending precious time and energy engaging in friendships that let us down, rather than cultivating ones that support and nourish us along our path. Life, with its many twists, turns, and challenges, is difficult enough without us entertaining people in our inner circle who drain our energy. We can do so much more in this world when we are surrounded by people who understand what we’re trying to do and who positively support our efforts to walk our path.

We can begin this evaluation process by simply noticing how we feel in the context of each one of our close relationships. We may begin to see that an old friend is still carrying negative attitudes or ideas that we ourselves need to let go of in order to move forward. Or we may find that we have a long-term relationship with someone who has a habit of letting us down, or not showing up for us when we need support. There are many ways to go about changing the status quo in situations like this, having a heart to heart with our friend showing through example. This process isn’t so much about abandoning old friends as it is about shifting our relationships so that they support us on our journey rather than holding us back.

An important part of this process is looking at ourselves and noticing what kind of friend we are to the people in our lives. We might find that as we adjust our own approach to a relationship, challenging ourselves to be more supportive and positive, our friends make adjustments as well and the whole world benefits.

The deepest secret is that life is not a process of discovery, but a process of
creation. You are not discovering yourself, but creating yourself anew.
Seek, therefore, not to find out Who You Are, seek to determine
Who You Want to Be.
Your job on Earth, therefore, is not to learn (because you already know),
but to remember Who You Are. And to remember who everyone else is.

Judge not, then, the karmic path walked by another. Envy not success,
nor pity failure, for you know not what is success or failure
in the soul’s reckoning. Judge not, and neither
condemn, for you know not why a thing occurs,
nor to what end. And remember
you this: that which you condemn will condemn you,
and that which you judge, you will one day become. Rather, seek to change
those things—or support others who are changing those things—
which no longer reflect your highest sense of Who You Are.

There is perfection in the process—and all life arises out of choice.

Your own life is the way it is because of you,
and the choices you have made—or failed to make.

All that is required is to know this. For you are the creator of your reality,
and life can show up no other way for you than that way in which you think it will.
Thought is pure energy. Every thought you have, have ever had,
and ever will have is creative. The energy of your thought never ever dies.
Ever.
It leaves your being and heads out into the universe,
extending forever. A thought is forever.

The Laws are very simple. 1. Thought is creative. 2. Fear attracts like energy.
3. Love is all there is.

So—do you want your life to “take off”?
Begin at once to imagine it the way you want it to be—
and move into that.

Check every thought, word, and action that does not fall into harmony with that.
Move away from those.

The most difficult thing for people to do is hear their own soul.

And every Master has likewise had the same message: What I am, you are.
What I can do, you can do. These things, and more, shall you also do.

All attack is a call for help.

Life is a creation, not a discovery.

Enlightenment is understanding that there is nowhere to go, nothing to do, and
nobody you have to be except exactly who you’re being right now.
Remember, you are constantly in the act of creating yourself.
You are in every moment deciding who and what you are.
You decide this largely through the choices you make regarding who and
what you feel passionate about.
Yet never resist anything. If you think that by your resistance
you will eliminate it, think again. You only plant it more firmly in place.
All thought is creative?

There is only now; an eternal moment of always in which you are experiencing yourself.

The point of life is therefore to create—who and what you are, and then to experience that.
This is the process of Self realization about which Eastern mystics have written.
It is the process of salvation to which much Western theology has devoted itself.
Yet the purpose of relationship is not to have another who might complete you; but to have another with whom you might share your completeness.

A Master blesses calamity, for the Master knows that from the seeds of disaster
(and all experience) comes the growth of Self.

What you do for your Self, you do for another. What you do for another,
you do for the Self.
This is because you and the other are one.

So much of your present experience is based on your previous thought.
New thought is your only chance. It’s your only real opportunity to evolve,
to grow, to truly become
Who You Really Are.

True Masters are those who have chosen to make a life, rather than a living.

To change your reality, simply stop thinking like that.
Go ahead and do what you really love to do! Do nothing else! You have so little time.
How can you think of wasting a moment doing something for a living you don’t like to do?
What kind of a living is that?
That is not a living, that is a dying!

Worry is just about the worst form of mental activity there is—
next to hate, which is deeply self destructive.
Worry is pointless. It is wasted mental energy.
It also creates bio-chemical reactions which harm the body,
producing everything from indigestion to coronary arrest,
and a multitude of things in between.

Worry, hate, fear—together with their offshoots: anxiety, bitterness, impatience,
avarice, unkindness, judgmentalness, and condemnation—all attack the body at the
cellular level. It is impossible to have a healthy body under these conditions.

The world is in the condition that it’s in because the world is full of sleepwalkers.

Finally had the mtg with the boss about my project! He was quite impressed with the implementation plan i developed, in his words “this is excellent” … so yipeee!! Am very happen, we discussed the feasibility of the plan and had a lengthy discussion about it… unfortunately though we didn’t get to finish bse he had a conference call which wasn’t done by the time i left…. so hopefully we finish up soon! Today is friday so probably next week, i should know where i stand with my project..!

Am thrilled at the fact that when u let go of something and just leave things in the hands of the divine, they happen! All week i’d been whining about how we hadn’t met and how it was pissing me off… an all that did was ruin my day and spoil my mood! Then yesterday when i told myself to just chill, it happened! LOL

It’s the 29th of feb, i know 2 people whose birthday is today and basically they only get to celebrate their birthdays every 4 yrs, lol… i don’t know if i fancy that much… but i guess it makes it more special as opposed to the popular annual birthday deal.

Friday is here and i have an upset stomach, thanks to my ever daring self who decided to opt for HOT tikk.a ma.sala!! Indian food is spicy enough and opting for hot indian food = danger-not-be-tried-again! So yeah, am going to be doing a lot of trips to the loo today - guess on the +, i get in some exercise, LOL… pls remember that the loo is about 20 seconds from my office… LOL, if you walk in my pace! So as opposed to sitting down all day… trips to the loo might allow me to get few calories even if they’re micro ones!

I am getting my hair braided this wkd! Yipeee… finally decided to get that done so the natural hair can spring up a bit then i can chop it off… neatly! Alors

I met a friend of his - female last evening and she’s such a brilliant person, u know those women who have an aura of soooo much strength and wisdom, i was amazed and loved having a chat with her… we had a lengthy chat about just about anything esp clever serious stuff, like work, future plans etc… i like that stuff! Not for everyday chat, but definately a combo of such convos and useless chats about hair could do me just alrite!!

Nothing else to report here sir! So ama roll!

I searched for you,
You did not come,
I stopped searching,
And there you were.

Surrender to the flow of the universe,
Without question, just let go.
Listen to the answers that come to you,
Without question, just do.

Oh lawd, it feels gooooooooooooood!!! I just got a mini go-ahead for a project i have been working on… basically i was asked to draft an M&E plan for the project since if u recall, i spoke to my boss about it and was sort of put in charge of it! So yeah all week i have been trying to put together a plan/framework of hows its gonna go down M&E wise… yeah, so i submitted it to a colleague - the coordinator and he loved it! he said it made sense and made few suggestions! Et c’est tout! Basically, if feels good that it makes perfect sense i.e. i am in the right lane and things r looking up man! I am sooooo thrilled. I am ready to conquer the world so watch out world! LOL i know i am a bit lame but hey, its my blog and my right to say whatsoever i want!!
I feel so attached to this M&E thing that i am happy at the slightest thing basically i want to do it sooo bad and do it soooo well hence my excitement…!! Next steps are to sort of modify the framework etc and then submit it to my boss to have a final say on it… lalallalallalalalalalala.
Okie, ofcourse am also happy bse its friday meaning no work for the next 2 days… ima be my own boss etc etc… super cool, innit?!
I am planning to keep thinking about the framework but am totally not planning to actually get on my comp and do work… nah, ain’t happening. About my weekend, i am going for an interesting group therapy thing on women and colours LOL… am serious! random i know, but something about improving your look or something, personally i think its unusualness is going to be super interesting and possibly a good laugh too! Donc, i shall be very much there with my girlfriends… after we might go swimming seeing as i went swimming yesterday after like 2 years and have fallen in love with the sport all over again and wanted to even go today but yeah just couldnt happen… anyhow…. yeah so after that, we’ll probly do dinner or something, then maybe hang around a bit then go home. I am looking to rent some movies and stay indoors in my pjs and relax! I need that… especially seeing as i am feeling a bit content with work and my baby - M&E donc c’est tres perfet! Infact je trouve que c’est tellement magnifique!
Ah la la…

Nice weekend to everyone in the entire world except those in the north pole, its probably Monday already! So for all you north polers, i say nice days!

*Mwa*

I have been hearing and reading a lot about the laws of attraction or in wayne dyer’s words ‘manifestation’ basically meaning that we should focus our thoughts on what WE want i.e. donot spend all day thinking about how bad things are because that’s what you shall continuously receive. He says ‘As you think, so shall you be’ and basically that the currency of what you want in the material world = Money and the currency of what you want in the metaphysical world = thoughts. Simple as that.
This is the same thing that is being said in the very hyped book, the secret… it’s all about using your thoughts to attract what you want i.e. be careful what you choose to focus your thoughts on because those are what you will manifest.

As you may notice in my post yesterday, i was talking about how sad i was and i have constantly had the feeling that something bad might be happen to me at work… and silly enough i have been focusing on that.

But today,

I choose differently, i choose to create work even when i am not given, i believe that the divine will somehow find a way of getting my feelings about wanting more responsibility at work out there and it will come to …

I will have to just stay focused, shift my thoughts to that phase of when i have gotten all the responsibility when i am truly happy that i am contributing significantly to my job.

That is going to be my manifestation… i shall not turn this into something sad, i will create and create it until it materialises…

Yipeee…. i am ecstatic! I really am.

I am doing this!

“IF WE ALL DID THE THINGS WE WERE CAPABLE OF, WE WOULD ASTOUND OURSELVES”
Thomas Edison

Ohhhh wow, just saw this quote it gives me goosebumps just reading it… it’s amazingly true, omg! I am definately inspired.

I was listening to Wayne Dyer this morning, somehow i find it amazingly refreshing to listen to him in the mornings when i can… he seems to set things into perspective and boost me more with courage, confidence, love and appreciation for a bright new day!
Ok, so in this particular audiobook he was talking about 8 questions we should ask ourselves…
1. IF YOU DISCOVERED YOU SUDDENLY DISCOVERED YOU HAD 6 MONTHS TO LIVE, WHAT WOULD YOU DO DIFFERENTLY?

2. IF YOU WERE TO PICK FROM SCRATCH REGARDLESS OF YOUR PAST ETC, WHO WOULD YOU CHOOSE TO LIVE WITH? I.E. WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE WOULD YOU SURROUND YOURSELF WITH?

3. WHERE WOULD YOU CHOOSE TO LIVE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD?

4. HOW MUCH SLEEP DO YOU THINK YOU’D GET IF YOU HAD NO CLOCK?

5. HOW MUCH AND WHEN WOULD YOU EAT IF THERE WAS NO SUCH THING AS MEAL TIMES?

6. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF THERE WAS NO SUCH THING AS MONEY? WHAT ACTIVITIES WOULD YOU BE INVOLVED IN DAILY?

7. HOW OLD WOULD YOU BE IF YOU DIDN’T KNOW HOW OLD YOU ARE?

8. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF WITHOUT USING ANY LABELS?

I think these are rather brilliant questions that get u questioning alot of things you do daily… it gets you thinking for sure. I will post some of my answers to these questions later.

I’m listening to more Wayne Dyer and i have decided to listen to 5 ways each week and try practise one of them daily:
The idea behind these ways is that in order to change our lives, we must change our thoughts and words! To transform means to change form/ go beyond your current form….
Here goes:

1. Know and believe that divine intelligence exists.. there’s divinity in everything and we have the power to use this to create a life of bliss… if there’s divinity in everything, you too have divinity.

2. The right way to live our lives perfectly in in us. Look inwards rather than outside for answers… donot outsource…insource.

3. Become aware that there are no ‘’accidents'’ in the universe… everything that shows up in our life has something to teach us. We should appreciate everything that comes our way.

4. Draw your inner energy from the beauty that surrounds you…see the fullness of God ins everyone and everything and find bliss in that

5. Be peaceful, experience silence, meditate… be in contact with the higher being/God. You find answers from silence…from peaceful moments. You find peace, solitude in silence and realise that God’s one and only voice is in silence. Go within and find bliss…

***************************

Wow, what wonderful words to marinate on this weekend!

Listening to Dr Wayne Dyer’s “Creating your life with your thoughts” audiobook, i got inspiration to write this post. It might inspire someone who’ll stumble over this blog - just like it did me.

The point that Dr Dyer is trying to get across is just as the title of this post suggests i.e. as you think so shall you be. Right, some of you might wonder how exactly do you mean?? You mean if i think i have a bentley, i shall have one… hehehe, ok well it’s not that shallow…. there’s a whole lot of thinking behind this. He argues that there is this inexplicable power in being able to put our attention/thoughts to what we want and it happens. This can however only be done if we banish our doubts, fear, shift our belief system to that of a knowing.
The idea is that if we focus all day on things in our life that we donot want or that we dislike, those things will continuously happen, because we focus so much on them… he gave an example of how this little girl (neighbour to Dr Dyer) called *Sally, used to always suck her thumb and each time her father saw her, he’d yell at her to take her finger out of her mouth… and for some reason the kid would never manage to stop doing so… the father always focused on her not stopping to do so and so it continued but everytime Sally would go to Dr Dyer’s he’d congratulate her on finally stopping to suck her thumb even though she still was… and just before the father would come back to pick her up she’d be suck-thumb-free… and Dr Dyer would tell Sally’s dad how great she’d been and hadn’t sucked her thumb for over 2 overs… Sally would be all excited about how she’d managed to do so…. when they got home and Sally’s dad would continue to lecture her about stopping to suck her finger, it would happen.
I’m not sure if this is the best example and if its easy to understand, but the idea is that if we focus our thoughts on what we want as opposed to what we donot want, those things somehow happen!
We control our thoughts, we’re the origin of what we choose to think about… we create our reality with our thoughts. What we think about expands…. if we really really really want something, we should think of it, marinate on that thought… maintain that vision… then it happens… but we continuosly think about we cannot have, what we donot want those things stay! Dr Dyer argues its as simple as WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT EXPANDS… if you think you are not in a right relationship, your thoughts focus on all the wrong things and you find urself finding only faults with your partner, you cannot get these wrong doings out of your mind then automatically the relationship sucks, and you donot even realise that you created that reality for yourself… we should focus on what we want to be done.

Always stay with your thoughts in order to bring them into form - Dyer

When we realise the truth in this, we realise that we need to be real careful what we think! i.e. what Dr Dyer calls Manifesting your destiny…
He gives an example of Oprah. He knew her from way back when she was a co-host in Baltimore and pretty much watched her grow into the successful woman she’s become and one day he got invited on her show. So as he’s in the green room, she enters to meet her guests and he tells her “Congratulations on becoming such a successful person as you have become” and she replies “Thank you, I created it” as simple as that… she focused on the thought, didn’t let go of it… didn’t have any doubts or hold backs about it and it happened. Simple as that… marinate on your thoughts and watch your life change hence, as you think, so shall you be!!!
Wow, am inspired!

I am thankful this thursday for:

- Waking up this morning and getting to enjoy today
- All my friends and family being relatively happy and healthy
- Having a job i like and that pays me well
- My brother graduating
- My growing knowledge of myself and of consciousness
- My partner
- Internet connection (lol, but 4 real dawg…lol)
- being healthy
- having no major worries on my mind
- being FREE and able to pretty much do whatever i please
- tommorow being friday!
- having chilled back colleagues
- not letting my boss telling me that i won’t be picked up to work by the company car no more bother me much
- having good TV at home to unwind to when i get home from work
- the 21 day plan am on - 4 down/ 17 more to go… yipee!

That’s it this week on Thankful Thursday!

Be thankful y’all…. it’s FREE and a good way to keep in tune with the free things in life.

Lord, make me a channel of thy peace;
that where there is hatred, I may bring love;
that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness;
that where there is discord, I may bring harmony;
that where there is error, I may bring truth;
that where there is doubt, I may bring faith;
that where there is despair, I may bring hope;
that where there are shadows, I may bring light;
that where there is sadness, I may bring joy.

Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted;
to understand, than to be understood;
to love, than to be loved.
For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to eternal life.
Amen.

After being very inspired by that piece of writing (see previous post), i am compelled to think about everyone currently in my life, what their reason in being in my life is, those who were but aren’t anymore… so i’ll just write in no particular order…

My mother: her reason for being in my life is to bring out the best in me - now, she’s probably the hardest person to get along with in my family, but that’s because unlike everyone else who give in to all my requests, demands, suggestions, she questions them. She wants things done the way she sees are the right way, and me being the kind of control freak i like to be, i see that immediately as a threat and hence just not getting on well with her - but what i haven’t always realised was that by responding to her the way i do, i am only being very low - i am supposed to learn from her, because all she’s there for is for me to be the best i can be i.e. patient, humble, loving, understanding, respectful. I am learning to take every interaction/challenge from her as a lesson, that will force me to choose a response that is either towards the light or towards fear and hopefully over time, they will all be towards light =)
Am soooo glad and relieved that i am finally able to see our relationship in this way, it all makes so much sense and is the reason she’s how she is and why she’s my mother.

My father, brother & sister: I choose to put them all into the same category because they are somewhat the same - they are very laid back, easy going, very loving, kind, patient, funny and just good people. They are what i want to be. They are there to show me how i should be. They are there to teach me how all these things are achieved. They are where i want to be and maybe even past. They have remained consistently themselves and that’s why i know they are for real =)

My partner: He is my main source of awareness, he is one of the reasons i am on this self discovery journey - the reason i am learning me so immensely. he is a deep thinker, a loving, peaceful, funny, great laugh and soulful person - he is where i want to be and he teaches me each day how to get there. Being soulful isn’t something one’s born with but rather, a journey one must consciously embark on by continuously enlightening one’s self through reading, thinking, listening all this ego-free. He is there to convince me, that i am a good person, that i can be better if i choose to live my life consciously, he is there to teach me love, love, love.

Claude (the cleaner/office clerk@ work): Now, this guy and i have until very recently failed to get on, basically we have totally failed to gitch each other. First i tried to control him and wouldn’t understand how him a cleaner would take 20mins to get me a bottle of water - i didn’t realise it was the attitude i asked him for the water with that leads to such a response, i wouldn’t understand why when i called him eventhough he was only few feet away he wouldn’t respond that it was because of HOW i called him - so i decided to respond by trying as much as possible to avoid him, i’d bring my own water so i don’t ask him, i’d go photocopy my things, just so we donot have any contact - and this only led to hatred and so much anger - i realised only recently that i should treat him the way i’d like to be treated, so i decided to start doing so, i’d speak to him politely with respect and his response was amazing, he did everything well, on time and now we cool… so his role was to teach me that no matter a person’s status, people should all be treated the same, just like i’d to be treated… thanks Claude!

My colleagues: (Yvonne, Michel, Bosco) You all teach me purity, respect, love and understanding. You do things with good intentions and seem to live happily… you are in my life to show me that sometimes i just need to chill, be good, have purely good intentions and things will go right.

My high sch friends (Gp 1): You all came into my life to make me discover a whole other side of me i didn’t know i had, you all brought the madness in me and sometimes i took this to another level which i am not so proud of such as bullying, manipulative, judgemental etc… but i needed this journey, i needed to have you all in my life at that point in my life so i could create a contrast and know what’s right and what’s wrong - you were/are all fun and great people whom i love to bits, you came into my life and taught me lessons i absolutely needed at that point in my life and i thank you for this =)

My high sch friends (Gp 2): Your quietness, your observing nature is pure. Your friendship, your nonjudgmental nature inspires me to this day. You always seemed to be in control of everything, i thought you were like me, but now i see you weren’t… maybe i am now like you/ or so i’d like to think… be the pensive and quiet observer - with no analysis/judgement involved. I have also noticed that i am not the only one joining your group now, but also some friends from gp 1. =)

My uni friend (Sim): You remind me of how i’d like to be when i grow up =) you are such a pure, loving and beautiful woman. You are sooooo intelligent that sometimes i don’t understand how you do it, how you manage to know all the things you do. Your love for people, for the world is such an inspiration and i see why you are in my life - to create the picture of what i should look like when i have re-shaped myself. You are amazing and i love everything about your spirit, all the experience you have had have only made you better and you have remained insanely positive about everything. Your energy and enthusiasm for almost everything is so refreshing and enriching to me - u r an amazing woman. Thank you for coming into my life, the reason you are in it is so clear to me =)

My uni friend (N): You came into my life at the point you did to make me be able to understand human nature to an extent. You came in to show me an alternative way in which people think and live their lives - you came to show me contrast. I am thankful for the lessons you taught me - i learnt a great deal from them =)

—————————————————————————————

I will stop on those for now, they’re the first ones to pop into my mind, maybe as i go on, i’ll reflect on other people and their reasons for coming into my life, but the post (below) was empowering and inspiring and i am glad it got me thinking (above).

Light & Quietness =)

PEOPLE COME INTO YOUR LIFE FOR A REASON!

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.

When someone is in your life for a reason, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a season, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank everyone for being a part of your life, as I do, whether they were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

Nevermind the random subject, well not quite random since am sipping a strawberry milkshake as my keyboard is being hit… uh huh, it’s monday few minutes till my lunch break. I had a great weekend, not comprising of alot of activities but nevertheless great! I am currently caught between entering only ‘constructive’ posts unto this blog or my everyday random ramblings… i still think that i need these randomblings for memories… small details etc, because sometimes i look back in my archives and am thrilled at the events that were going on in X part of my existence and of course the constructive bit requires no reason, it speaks for itself. Yeah.

So i have meaning to finish up my work plan for the charity am looking to set up - i have alot of it done, just need to seat down probably for a good 2h30mins straight and down it all on word. Thing is that i get home from work mostly at 7pm… then i usually go to bed at 9pm… thing is that i could possibly add an extra hour and be going to bed at 10PM…that way i can finish up project 1 (charity)…! Which is so close to my heart and really requires URGENT action.
on the otherhand, i have been thinking that maybe i should 1st focus on project 2 (pili squared) then i can generate enough money to run project 1… as in probably in the next year or 2. Project react really requires alot of time, devotion and money which at the moment i donot have as much. OK, so am thinking maybe at the mo’ i could probably do most of the paperwork and then when i get the money, time i’ll just go right ahead. Still don’t know… but then again, why don’t i know, i needn’t have doubt, i can be sure about… ok
another try: ok, so i am going to do the planning for project 1, help mum with her’s and then focus on project 2… which requires woiiieee…. some serious focus!

This morning on my way to work, the driver had the BBC on and they said today 17th sept 2007… and the driver goes “gosh, the month is almost over, infact the year”and ofcourse i do realise how fast it’s gone and it’s soooo easy to get caught up in the midst of doing things that u donot realise how fast time has gone… according to John Lennon who said “Life is what happens to you while you’re making other plans” ITS SOOOO DAMN TRUE… it goes and we barely notice how fast time flies… so now am thinking i should prepare a weekly report of myself… LOLL prepare a template that has all the activities i need to do outside work weekly so i can stay on track and maintain some sort of balance and awareness in my life… i don’t know if i’ll be able to continue using it past the 1st and 2nd time i do… but i wanna try! I really need to do this to be aware and sort of keep track of my days/weeks… ya know?? I think it’s do-able… i shall motivate myself and try making it last… it’s all a matter of time to get used to it then it could probably become part of my routine!!

Besides that i have been thinking about RELIGION of late… i realise the need to have faith based beliefs in my life… i have of late been slacking alot and i do realise i’m responsible for this… but man, i am just not sure about certain things… for this subject, i shall stop here for now…. (note to self: write a whole post on my take on religion…!)

Meanwhile, i am rather addicted to facebook nowadays and i spend alot of time on it doing rien! Ofcourse i realise addiction is caused by unconciousness, i could choose to do something else with my time such as work on my projects, blog or ummm, read a book! I will work on this issue…

Lunch is ready i need to go get some beans/veggies or anything else that’s healthy!

I shall stop here, but wow… writing this post has got me thinking quite alot… writing rocks! I love this.

Your words, your dreams, and your thoughts have the power to create conditions in your life. What you speak about, you can bring about.

If you keep saying you can’t stand your job, you might lose your job.

If you keep saying you can’t stand your body, your body can become sick.

If you keep saying you can’t stand your car, your car could be stolen or just stop operating.

If you keep saying you’re always broke, guess what? You’ll always be broke.

If you keep saying you can’t trust a man or trust a woman, you will always find someone in your life to hurt and betray you.

If you keep saying you can’t find a job, you will remain unemployed.

If you keep saying you can’t find someone to love you or believe in you, our very thoughts will attract more experiences to confirm your beliefs.

Turn your thoughts and conversations around to be more positive and power packed with faith, hope, love and action.

Don’t be afraid to believe that you can have what you want and deserve.

Watch your “Thoughts,” they become words;

Watch your “Words,” they become actions;

Watch your “Actions,” they become habits;

Watch your “Habits,” they become character;

Watch your “Character”, for it becomes your “Destiny”

So…….To prevent any obstacles…….GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY!

Enjoy every minute you live!!

Am listening to Tevin Campbell’s ‘always in my heart’ awwww….it brings sooooo many memories as far back as 95 or 96….imagine! It’s such a beautiful song!
Anyhooo, i have been MIA i know, its work and some laziness…but mainly work past few weeks have been exhausting but this week is kind of slow hence why am droping by. Meanwhile, lol all this explanation now for why for? LOL
I’ve been very sawa…got some time off work for 10 days next month and am looking to travel if all stays as planned. Meanwhile, the weather here is insane…summer seems to be very here…and this is a country that’s hot all year round so basically it’s very hot! Got few friends in town on holiday…! Ohhh, i got to meet a long time buddy of mine, ya know who u b…wow, it’s been what? 10 yrs? imagine!!! So yah, it was REALLY nice hanging out and catching up on old times and stuff, although u really didn’t do AS much much on the catching up section, it was me, me, me….goosh, lastnite i was thinking how i was doing all the talking and that’s not nice! LOL….so next time we meet which should be in august if plans don’t change, spotlight will be on u…innit yeah?
Whatelse? Le diet goes on…am 64kgs at ze mo…yipeee….5 more kgs to get my target weight of 59…just like back in the day…so am bringing sexy back big time!!LOL
Ehhmmmm… what else?? Ohhh yeah, am turning 22 in a few weeks time, quite scary i tell ya, mais si it’s growing up? And i hear 22 us the year of confusion!! Like for real, u could make up some screwed up choices and decisions that umm could possibly ruin u, if u don’t have URSELF in place, LOL….the hell am i saying, but yeah point is it’s a messed up year, so its to be extremely careful!
Yearrhhhh, so there’s basically this mad stupid as hell ass kid who thinks she’s the ishhh who’s trying to get all up in my bizz, i mean am generally polite and accomodating, but she’s fuckin pushed the line, in such cases what i do is hit delete on every single u iz, so fairway child! Go merry go round someone else…so yah, that’s about it really, am out!

-Extract from the Seat of the Soul-

Our soul is not a passive or a theoretical entity that occupies a space in the vicinity of our chest cavity.
It IS a positive, purposeful force at the core of our being, that part of us that understands the impersonal nature of the energy dynamics in which we are involved, that loves without restriction and accepts without judgment.
If we desire to know our soul, the first step is to recognise that we have one, then allow ourselves to consider,
“If I have a soul, what IS my soul? What does my soul want? What is the relationship between me and my soul? How does the soul affect my life?”
When the energy of the soul is recognised, acknowledged and valued, it begins to infuse the life of the personality.
[do not be quick with your disdain, how do you know if you haven’t tried/experimented]
When the personality comes fully to serve the energy of the soul, that IS authentic empowerment.
This is the goal of the evolutionary process in which we are involved and the reason for our being.. Every experience that we have and will have upon the earth encourages alignment of our personality with our soul.
Every circumstance and situation gives us opportunity to chose this path, to allow our soul to shine through us.The perspective of the soul is immense, and the perceptions of the soul is without the limitations of the personality.
Each physical, emotional and psychological characteristics that comprises a personality and it’s body is perfectly suited to its soul’s purpose.

This is an awesome post i just got from yahoo 360 degrees, sort of summarises my thoughts on ‘the journey’ or alchemy wowww…

Alchemy Defined
Inner adj.

1. Occurring within. 2. Pertaining to the soul or mind.

Alchemy n.

1. The art of transmutation.
2. The seemingly miraculous change of a thing into something better.

The concept that we create our own reality is more widespread than ever before. In our parent’s generation and before, this concept was known only to a few. Those few were mainly mystics and shamans. Now discoveries and experiments in quantum physics prove the truth of this concept. Mystics, shamans and some quantum physicists know that we create our reality by our thoughts, beliefs and perceptions. We are actually more powerful than we can even imagine. For most of us, though, our experience tells us tells us something entirely different. We feel that we are at the mercy of an outward reality, the victims of circumstances beyond our control. We work harder and harder, thinking that if only we have more money, more time, the right pill, the right family, more love, or a better job that we will finally be whole and happy. We try to change and control the circumstances and people around us in order to feel empowered.

Carol understands about trying to change and control things outside of ourselves such as power. When the energy of the soul is recognized, acknowledged, and valued, it begins to infuse the life of the personality. When the personality comes fully to serve the energy of its soul it is authentic empowerment. This is the goal of the evolutionary process in which we are involved and the reason for our being.

Carol chose the name Soul Alchemy because it describes how this process from external power to authentic power happens. The true transmutation that comes from aligning the personality with the energy of our soul can only be done by a journey from unconsciousness to consciousness. This process of miraculous change happens by taking a journey inside.

The spiritual tools, techniques, exercises and disciplines taught in Soul Alchemy are pathways to our inner world. This journey within enables students and clients to become aware of how they see and experience their lives, getting them in touch with their underlying and unconscious beliefs, perceptions and thoughts. Without this awareness we are at the mercy of a reality created by our unconscious beliefs.

Awareness is only the first step in the alchemical process. The Talmud says, “We don’t see things as they are, but as we are.” If we believe ourselves, and therefore our souls, to be unlovable, unworthy, and powerless, then we will experience ourselves to be these things. The Truth is that each soul is a unique expression of the Divine, a spark from the flame that is the Creator. Awareness shows us what our beliefs are and how those beliefs have actually created our reality. By becoming aware, we can then change our beliefs.

Changing what we say we believe is not enough because supporting our old beliefs are habitual thought, perceptual and energetic patterns. These habitual patterns have to be changed also in order for lasting transformation to occur. Working with these habitual patterns requires us to develop and maintain a spiritual practice. The tools, techniques and exercises taught through Soul Alchemy can be used by clients and students to develop their own unique spiritual practice, which can bring every aspect of their lives into alignment with their divine essence. This is authentic empowerment.

Love & Light,

Carol

So i had this very long chat with a close friend about spirituality, philosophy and all that cool stuff and it suddenly dawned on me why things weren’t happening the way i thought/wanted them to…basically i thought based on how much knowledge i gather about all the stuff am currently pursuing in my life the faster i’d get it and ka pow like that i’d evolve almost instantly, but then! there is a way that that was rather naive of me…anyhow from that 3 hr chat i had with him, i sort of gathered that basically how it works is that it takes ALOT of time to get there, actually i don’t know if there’s such a thing as ‘there’ because it is indeed a continuos path…you never stop learning and the more you learn slowly slowly you evolve. . . so ahh, i just need to realise that each experience gives me a chance to respond carefully, consciously and rightly! Also i control my thoughts, i can choose to focus on positive thoughts and let go of distracting and fearful thoughts…i rule me and i have possess sooooo much power in me! Go girlie…

JUST GOT THIS AS A FORWARD FROM A FRIEND AND THOUGHT I’D BLOG IT…it’s like a complete idiots guide to love… lol, it’s all about love y’all…enjoy!

Installing Love

Tech Support: Yes, How can I help you?

Customer: Well, after much consideration, I’ve decided to install Love. Can you guide me through the process?

Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer: Well, I’m not very technical, but I think I’m ready. What do I do first?

Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?

Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?

Tech Support: What programs are running?

Customer: Let’s see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.

Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off?

Customer: I don’t know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?

Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, “Error - Program not run on external components.” What should I do?

Tech Support: Don’t worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.

Customer: So, what should I do?

Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.

Customer: Okay, done.

Tech Support: Now, copy them to the “My Heart” directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?

Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.

Customer: Thank you, God.

God/Tech Support: You’re Welcome, Anytime.

“Nothing will work unless you do”
Maya Angelou

Just been reading through my previous posts…and the ‘beautiful beautful home’ one really stood out… not just because its not my usual ramblings or brouhaha…it’s just because i actually haven’t been doing anything to get to that beautiful home or place… i have been stood… back to the good old unconcious living…just doing, saying, thinking things unconciously, i dont remember the last time i listened to seat of the soul (which i have found to be my TRUE guide to conciousness and what Gary calls authentic empowerement… i haven’t touched the book either…i have just ignored it, i guess i have done so unconciously too…but from today, i am going to get back into the routine…i need to get this right, i need to get this now… i honestly am fed with this boring unconscious life, been doing it for 21 yrs, lol…so it’s time i tried something new, something real, something authentic… from the experience i’ve had with this new feeling i wanna do this forever…so i need to get working!

You know what? I have been thinking about how lazy i have become…seriously…i go to bed 9pm latest…wake up 6:30 earliest…head for work at 7:30am till 5pm and am back home, in comfy clothes…in front of the TV! I don’t know if it’s just me, but man, this isn’t good…i mean when i was still in school, i DREAMT of this life…going to bed early, a life free of exams, assignments etc…waking up late, get paid to do work…come home with not a thing to stress about, watch TV all evening et voila! now am finally living that life, i honestly feel quite tres tres unfulfilled…like am not fully using me…it gets a bit scary actually…

1. so basically, i have decided to get VERY serious with REACT, i have been googling for fundraising stratergies etc…so i want to start staying up late..maybe till about 11pm, working on this project, because i 100% believe that it’ll be a big success and that through it we could make a MAJOR change in the lives of the less fortunate…so am going to start working my ass off on this project, so by the time we have all the legal documents sorted, we’re just good to go…i’ll only have to present the work to the rest of the committee members and hear their opinions…make changes if needed and we’re READY!

2. Oh yes, i need to continue taking my driving classes seriously…because man, this is one chapter in my life that needs to end…i need to get a friggin’ licence…not having one @ 21 ain’t a sexy thang! So for real…i need to get that over and done with…

3. I also need to friggin get my ass into the whole gym’ing routine…because am the kind that can go to the gym 3 or 4 days in a row and then miss for a whole month..how uncool is that?! I know it’s not easy for me to get there because it’s not walking distance from either home or work…so i need to get a lift, because cab’ing all the time isn’t very cheap …still though, i guess i could find a way if i really put my mind into it!

4. I need to start going to church again, or atleast listen to all the zillion joyce meyer podcasts i downloaded, watch the christian channel more often…i don’t know…just do something…. to ‘get back into the spirit’

5. I need to finish reading ‘who moved my cheese’ which is like only 50pages…LOL, can u believe such laziness? What kind of heckery? I mean i TOTALLY enjoy the book, but i just never seem to find the time to read it…ya know what i mean?! yes…so i need to finish that…

6. I need to create a YAHOO! album of family pics… then one for REACT as well…yeahh…not top priority but it’s got to be done!

It feels really good…

- having a best friend you can chat absolutely anything about
- having someone who sees only the best in you
- who inspires you, believes in you more than yourself even
- having support from your family
- being deeply in love
- and knowing with no doubt that the other feels the same way
- not holding anything away from them…telling them the truth even in times you know it could get in in some REAL sh*t
- having great friends who let you be you and let things be
- having such a loving big sister, who’s as generous as hell…
- having a mum who’s tough but who i know is teaching me alot through being tough and challenging
- having a great father who such a golden heart
- having a big brother who’s so genuine and kind
- having a cute little brother who is so adorable and has so much passion for music
- being able to be me at all times and not scared of not ‘fitting in’
- having such a supportive partner who i love to tiny little bits

IT REALLY FEELS GOOD!

Just like most people, i like to reflect on the past year…my accomplishements, times i felt down, my regrets etc… i’ll start with the negative stuff… so here goes:

***Regrets:

- One of my biggest regrets of 2006 was breaking a promise i’d made to a good friend yet it over something so minor that i could have avoided…had i been more aware of what was going on then, i wouldn’t have.. it almost cost me one of the best things that ever happened to me; but the best bit is i was forgiven and i have been good ever since.

- hanging out with some people from uni who were just wrong for me…malicious, pretencious etc…i spent so much time trying to understand them and when i did, i spent a whole lot of time questioning myself alot…which was a whole lot of time wasted! They weren’t worth it.

***Accomplishements:

- Getting my degree!! woohooo…and most importantly getting the 2.1 that i wanted bad bad

- For the first time really discovering that i am lost and trying to REALLY find me

- Getting to understand true friendship and appreciating that few as better

- Bonding with my bro

- Getting a great job!

- being able to stay up all those nights working hard and seeing it pay off..

- Being true to myself & others and appreciating ‘the small things’

***PS: List will be edited from time to time…when i think of other things to add…

The highest expression of love is to give without expecting,
The highest expression of love is to accept without exception.

I have so much to learn, I have so much to learn, have so much to learn…

I love this quote to bits…it’s so revealing and true! omg!!!

Right, i woke up at 6:50am, took a shower, got dressed and put on SATC. I know watching an episode will start my day good… had a nice cup of tea and right now am in the office, on my desk….chillen chillen chillen…!

On a more serious note, as the year draws to an end, i can’t help but think about what 2006 has brought my way… i honestly feel like i’ve grown a great lot this year…feel like i’ve finally gotten my grown self on than any other year…i am looking to make a list of all my accomplishments, failures, lessons…etc

Besides that, we (reACT) are planning a BIG christmas party!!!!!! We’re going to have a party for the orphans at the house of hope orphanage…we’re just gonna have music, food, drinks, games and give out gifts….to some of us, it seems very simple but to those kids…we’re showing them a good time, we’re feeding people, we’re going to put smiles on their faces, get them to dance and feel the true spirit of christmas… i’m loving how that sounds & makes me feel… aww.

I ain’t no creative writer, i have never been good with words or poetry or anything of the sort…
my choice of words may not flow…my sentences may reflect everything but perfection… even my spellings aren’t always correct..my punctuation isn’t the best, my thoughts may not be too deep… well that’s bse i dont write to entertain anybody, i write anything that pops up in my mind… i donot write drafts for my blog… sometimes i am even too lazy to re-read what i write… what i do is like a higher level of freestyling, lol!! I know alot of people do the same but my point is that i am not in a competition to win an award for the most creative and comprehensive blog! This blog is one of my areas of serenity, a place where i can TRULLY be myself and say ABSOLUTELY anything i feel like saying, a release of all my thoughts… i write things that i am experiencing at that point in my life, i have written a whole lot of things from writing about my freeview tv box to more important issues like the 1994 genocide or Rwanda’s 2020 plan… hell i even bid goodbye to bloggerworld… hahah

My point today being that i enjoy blogging, i enjoy what i feel when i have let go of all my thoughts, i enjoy reading earlier posts, believe it or not….i laugh, sometimes i can’t believe i was thinking that way or i felt this about that…

i love that i vumburad gettyimages, lol….they got the best selection of pictures….so it’s all pimp for my blog! lol…
Alrite now… to put it plain and simple..my blog surprisingly has shown some significance over the months… so here’s to BLOG’preciation!!!!

I’ve been thinking that i have learnt….

1. that i have very very few true friends, i can even count them on one hand
2. that family will always be there…
3. that my parents are just as human as myself, they also have lives & needs that dont ONLY surrond me & my happiness
4. that my dad might not be a good husband but he is a GREAT father
5. that u know when u know
6. that not all my highsch friends will take a similar path
7. that if you love someone tell them regularly how much you appreciate their friendship/love
8. that a relationship doesn’t just sustain itself, it requires ALOT of hardwork to keep it alive
9. that i really donot like living abroad
10. that dieting here is such hardwork
11.that i will probably never have a tummy like Rihanna
12. that alcohol is fuckin’ overrated
13. that true happiness needn’t be forced
14. that i love my church
15. that i love sleeping
16. that i love solero
17. that i am more in touch with my inner self that my outer self than ever (if that makes sense)
18. that i really love inspirational songs, books, movies…they give u such a boost & zest for life
19. that i have such beautiful nails
20. that i really think i can now see myself 10 yrs from now…God Willing!
21. that there are people who hate seeing others happy
22. that there are people who have mastered pretending, it is part of them now
23. that i cannot really keep associating with such people
24. that my friend Simone is one of my most cherished friends
25. that i donot need to be someone else to ‘fit in’
26. that i cannot keep ’spoonfeeding’ my big brother
27. that my sister is such a strong woman who has set an amazing example for us to follow
28. that my mother’s patience is increasing over the years
29. that me and my father are becoming closer than ever
30. that my true friends have kept me sane all thru the years
31. that everything REALLY does happen for a reason
32. that we shouldn’t force people to do stuff, they should see the importance and if they don’t… oh well!
33. that i really stress alot when things aren’t going ’smoothly’
34. that i am a really good person
35. that i am grateful to God for all He throws my way!

Happy Sunday… went to church today and here’s what was preached today. (I will be posting the word of God every sunday i go to church…hope you enjoy, i try to write as much as i captured during the service) Here goes…

1. Framed photographs of our loved ones (parents, siblings, friends…)
2. Money
3. Book on councelling
4. Favourite bar of chocolate
5. Bottle of wine
6. Favourite duvet/throw-over
7. Favourite Teddy Bear

What do all these things have in common? Think!!

That’s right they’re all our favourite things & when we have them we feel some sort of comfort, these are called comfort habits. The duvet keeps us warm, cuddling up with your fav teddy, sipping on a glass of wine, a bit of ur favourite choc bar… they all make us feel comfy of sorts, some go shopping to ease their pain. Ok, you’ve had a really hard day maybe angry at your partner, bad day at work, having mood swings…day ends, you come home and what do u do? u turn to ur favourite things for comfort, to make u feel better. right? Ok, but even after 4 glasses of wine, yes you feel tipsy and ‘at ease’ of sorts but the next morning you get up and the problem isn’t gone, your still mad at your partner, your bad boss isn’t gone, that illness is still there…that’s right the problem isn’t gone, the comfort we achieved was only temporary! We can’t carry on drinking wine every night because the problem isn’t going, we can’t carry on spending cash as a comfort habit bse it isn’t chasing the problem away, we go to the cousellor and yes we spill out all our worries and we’re given the greatest words of wisdom and feel comfortable & ready to face the world, but the moment you step out…bump, the problems aren’t gone.
That’s right, so what actually gives us permanent comfort? The answer is God is Comfort. The word of God is comfort. When we have God we are comforted because we have faith and hope, yes we can still have those other comfort habits but we need to consult God 1st bse, all these things can come and go but God will always be there, if we build a strong r/ship with Him then He’ll send us the right friends, the right partners, get us the right jobs and feel comfortable rather than turning to these comforts habits solo. God always remembers His own and has a plan for us all so he is shield in troubled times if we turn to him, we shouldn’t just turn to material things that He can take away anyday… but one thing for sure that will remain forevermore is His never ending love for us and hence source of our Comfort if we call on to Him.
(2 Corithians 1)

Bottomline: Call on Christ and do so with faith BEFORE anything else to get lasting comfort.

God bless you all and enjoy the rest of your sunday!!

N’uku kwesi imyaka icyumi n’ebyiri ishize ayo mahano yabaye! Mu minsi ijana gusa abantu barenze ibhumbi magana inani babuze ubuzima bwawo bazize ubwoko. Ubwoko batatonranye kugira, bitaturutse kubushake bwabo! Kuba umututsi byari icyaha yo wakicya…uziri ubututsi… uzira ibyo bavukanya bitari ibyo wihitiyemo… n’uko, abagabo, abagore, abasore, inkumi, abangavu, abana hamwe n’imhinja n’abari bakiri munda barishwe. Biskwe nabaturanyi, inshuti, abo basengerenaga hamwe, abo basangiranaga…ni bo bahindukiye bara batema. Barabicya ngaho batari abandi. Babikisha imihoro…barabatema, bafata abana n’abagore kungufu maze bakubita imphija kunzo, basatura inda z’abaribatwite. N’uko ako n’akaga k’urwanda. N’uko byagenje. Imana yirirwa ahandi igataha irwanda ariko muri Mata icyenda nakane Imana yari he?
Ibintu byabaye mugihugu cyacu ntabwo bigomba kwibarigina!! Tugomba guhoza abo bantu kumitima yacu burigihe, tukabasengera hamwe n’abo basize iyoma, impfubyi n’abapfakazi kugirango Imana izo bahoze imiti ibahe ubuzima bwenda gusa nku’ubwo bari bafite, abafite ubushobozi babafashe uko bashoye kose. Abotwapfushije nabo imana ikomeze kubaha ibiruhoko bidashira. Tuzakomeze tubibuka kandi mwagiye tubakunda kandi tubakeneye. N’aho abo batemye Imana iza beze imitima yabo, izababarire!
Mata 1994…iminsi ijana…ubuzima burenze 800,000 twabuze! Imana igume Irwanda, igumana n’abana bayo kandi ihe abotwabuze ibiruhuko bidashira.
TWESE TWIBUKE!

DEU 12:18 Instead, you are to eat them in the presence of the LORD your
God at the place the LORD your God will choose–you, your sons and
daughters, your menservants and maidservants, and the Levites from your
towns–and you are to rejoice before the LORD your God in everything you
put your hand to.

Heavenly Father, I am so grateful…i appreciate everything you have made possible for me and all my loved ones! Father, I am nothing without your mercy, sometimes you shower down your blessings when i least deserve or expect it! You are a great God and Father i do thank you very much!!!!!

That’s right, i got my results and i am so grateful to the Lord bse i really looked at those grades and knew it was the Hand of the Lord that worked miracles bse seriously if there was anytime i’d ever felt least prepared for exams it was last semester! For a 70% and 61%….LORD I THANK YOU!! uuhhm, yeah i got a ka 47% in between (more…)