Livin’ a conscious life

This blog is therapy, honestly. I donot realise it sometimes when i write but it really helps me whenever am in doubt/worry/fear… it gives me direction, it reminds me of things that are most important and reminds me to focus on them and just them. What i need to do is to make sure that i stop blogging about random/everyday things that aren’t positive. Yes, i can identify a prob when there’s one but as long as its not healing and just complaining, i should not blog about it.
Right, so the mind, i know, its so powerful, it really is.
So, this morning right, i am all ugh and stuff, focusing on fearful thoughts and it really does a damper on my mood and almost messes me up. I have noticed this happens when i start worrying, when i worry about little silly things. Then i get caught up in a tangled web of negativity and nonconstructive thinking, ugh! Anyway, so up until a coupla’ months ago… i never really understood how love, just love, when applied to almost any situation in life…. at work, family, just about anything really soothes things and makes things better! I read somewhere that just repeating the words love, love, love, whenever in doubt can be really good therapy. So am practising that As much of a cliche as this may sound, love really is everything so that’s my new mantra. I will guide all my thoughts to loving ones and when i am getting derailed by my mind, i’ll go back to love and i know because of the energy that comes with love, it’ll stick! before u know i’ll be all love and stuff. i love that.

Peace, serenity, clarity, purity of thought, water, colours, flowers, detox, nature, animals, breeze, rainfall, ocean, wood, trees, lol…. these all define my state of mind… the things that occupy my stream of thoughts. A new year is here, to me its pretty much such a symbol and alot of fuss. As a new-yearly tradition, like most, i like to think through the past year and give plenty thanks for what most would see as failures and of course successes! I haven’t done that consciously yet, but thats because i’ve been planning to do so on here
In 08, i had plenty radical moments in the sense that i thought about leaving my job and joining an org that would give me alot more challenging work and start off with a technical job as opposed to here where i started off as more admin and basic work but do get to do plenty technical work though that’s not my primary pre-occupation. I thought about going to grad school to do an MB.A and was really convinced about that, atleast thats what i thought until i looked a little deeper and realised it wasn’t coming from the right source and therefore i couldn’t listen to it. Few highlights of the year include:

my si.s getting hitched…. ahh, a beautiful moment - i remember all the excitement around planning it, the ups, downs, the confusion, the emotions etc… specifically picking out her dress, choosing the wedding colours, decor, endless TSN wedding shows, reading and pretty much mastering the quadzillion wedding mags we had at home, ahhh it was bliss, know how much of a girly girl i can be, i loved it all and can’t wait to plan another wedding, either for a close friend or for myself, even then ofcourse something that i think will always stay in my heart is after all the frustration that was going on in the reception venue and ended up spending way too much time arranging bse i know how much the bride wanted the reception to be superbly decorated, so we went to church about 10 mins b4 the service was to start and the bride and groom had arrive and this was my first time seeing her in her gown all dressed and ready to take the deep plunge… and i suddenly burst out into tears, i got so emotional and till this day still do whenever i think about it! The wedd.ing went REALLY REALLY well, ofcourse i loooked fi.re hot and so did the reception and everyone else, it was very well organised and wow, just super. I was too busy running up and down checking w/ the caterers, dj, ensuring people are well attended to but towards the end, i got to sit and enjoy! The bride and groom were sooooo thankful and said they couldn’t have asked for a better day! They loved it. My one was extremely useful and supportive that day and wow, he’s a good one, not that i wasn’t already aware, but that re-assured me!

Trip down to the A.tizzle to check on my oldie was good, very quiet and peaceful time… enjoy the serenity and the whole being in a different country and having not a worry in the world, i got to re-bond w/ him and loved it. He’s a good man, i love him.

Me and my one sort of re-becoming us, this started towards the end of the year, we stopped having endless arguments and resumed simply loving, phewww… we had a rough time at the beginning but we pulled through, nevertheless. I strongly believe we are love, we redefine friendship and soulful bonding. I love him w/ all the love i have.

At.kns doing me right and showing me a me, i’d not imagined i could be, wow… hail proteins and to.the.lef.t carbs! Seriously, though post-we.dding i went back to re-carbing and sort off went down hill up until now, lol… meaning i have resumed being carb-free and simply breathing and laying back

The big V idea came up this year and i have a strong feeling about its roll out in mid-09, i really do. Right now, i am doing plenty background research work and assessing the need for it and getting ready for the big plunge!

This year pretty much felt like a taking-a-step-back year for me, i didn’t want to rush things and felt the strong need to just be me and do only what feels right in my soul - i kicked pe.erpre.ssure to the curb and haven’t looked back, when i feel like hanging or doing things that involve others i do, when i don’t, i simply don’t. I sort of got a revelation to be comfy with me as i am, i now understand that people need to take you as you are regardless of your similarities or the lack.
I did an immense spiritual leap and its all gotten clearer to me than it ever has, i listened to plenty PD and read alot. Yes, reading is another thing that was a good step this year, i got back into the habit and read a pile of books on a variety of topics, ofcourse, some were memorable, others weren’t. In the beginning, they had an impact on me and got me slightly too indulged in the sense that i was trying to relate a bit too much to the characters and see things through their eyes, lol… but i regained my balance and became a bit picky about what i read. Looking out mostly for uplifting books, biographies and plain chilled out books, lol.

Workwise, things definately improved this year, i got to do plenty plenty technical work and love it. My boss remains truly an inspiration and i am thankful for working for him. I am still a bit put off by the fact that the impact of our work is still not very visible, i think i just want the process to move faster. I don’t know, i just wish i could see results directly - but it all comes down to life in the sou.th always being dependent on funds from western donors… grrhh and spending hours and hours doing reporting, proposals and silly things when alot more constructive work could be done implementing! Anyhow.

Friends - i met an amazing man and his wife in 08, they came to work w/ us for 6 months, for starters i just want to note how much he wanted alot of info b4 their arrival, he scheduled weekly calls w/ us asking for details on evrything possible, i liked that, though it was tiring, it definately was a good habit. Then, ofcourse he was the one to work with us, but he brought his wife w/ him! that to me was so cute. He was super smart and we had a number of chats together and he was encouraging me to move on from my job, get something more challenging, because am young and was really smart and could do so much better, he and his wife left such a huge mark in my life and i will forever be grateful to them. They were wonderful and simply good people. Loved it.

Me becoming aunt is another highlight of the year, i will always remember the feeling that went through me when sis told me she was expecting, such a beautiful thing, really is.

Growing w/ my mum and seeing the best in her is another blessing of 08, i have learnt to accept her as she is and accept that we don’t always have to agree on things and i don’t always have to air out my feelings, i just accept whatever she says and don’t have to necessarily say i disagree, just be cool. She’s fab and just like everyone is work in progress, i just need to see her as human and not superwoman!

Generosity - i did get a huge chance to show my generousity and when it came, i recognised it and did what i would normally first complain about and overanalyse. I gave.

Major thing i have learnt is to surrender. Let nature/universe/God handle things. I also learnt the beauty that is stopp.ing thought and the peace it arises, whenever i catch my thoughts straying and being ruled by fear (which to me means, judgement, jealousy any form of threat) i stop it. This has been amazing and is something i’d like to master in 09. I also learnt more about love and how love really is key and the solution to many problems! LOVE< LOVE

Overall, 08 was magical… it got me me and alot more. I loved it and am so thankful for all it brought my way and to still be here, healthy and able to do the things that i want to.

Oui, je viens de fini mon cafe! Ahhhh, french. The light grey top am wearing makes me sweat a lot. I put on plenty deo this morning but still, it’s only 10 in the am and i got sweat. ssshhhiiishhh
Mais, lets see what i’ve been up to lately… been ummm busy trying to find the future home of chocolate, ahhh its not been easy. Found the IDEAL location but when it came to signing the contract and paying, the landlord started acting up which REALLy messed us up. Anyway, so he’s supposed to give us a finaly answer today, i pray it works out and whatever the end result, i hope we deal with it the right way.
Work has been very slow lately, been quite unbusy, but dealing with it right. I have been doing some self tutoring on an accounting software, been researching on the BIG business idea for summer next year… so yeah, can’t complain, afterall, everything happens for a reason
I refuse to support ob.am.a because he’s black! i refuse to care about the american elec.tions eventhough it’s rubbed on my face each morning, against my will. I donot care! Nothing.
My family been okay, mum’s still acting her usual self, i refuse to try change her to suit me, instead, am changing my responses to how she acts. I realise that by responding negatively to her, i am no different, so let me different and RISE ABOVE ahhh feels good, i tell ya. Bro’s still being his usual self too, alot of drama with him and he’s behaviour, my higher self tells me that there’s a lesson for us in there… for me it’s probably just a warning of the harms of alcohol and giving me reasons why i should NEVER think of ever touching it again.
Am digging me some ku.ti music…. eiiishh, dat pidgin is heavy, damn! Been watching gray’s too… too deep, lol…. laughter galore. I especially enjoy when they go into the personal lives of the surgeons and how they’re all fucked up, lolll… no fairy tale stories, the way some episodes wind out just kills me, bse its so real… their relationships, their responses, how messed up their minds are. hahahha! Also been reading plenty, right now reading 100 days of sol.itude and it’s wicked…. kinda long but good, once i resume reading its hard to put it down. Its cross generations and the names are very similar so i do get confused but it’s aight… right now am half way and eventhough its hard to put it down, it’s slow, i want to know the point… but i guess probably towards the end… still haven’t gotten the a ha! am searching for.
The hot choc i had the past 2 nights has been really good, never paid attention to hot choc, but am impressed. Can’t wait for the nxt time i go back for more… LOL… am serious!
Just finished talking to my aussie colleague and she’s sweet, very sweet. Talking about the bra project that she thinks i should head here, i think it’s tight, very tight… also she mentioned her friend who visits orphanages once in a while and take food to them and spend time with them, so i told her to put us in touch. I think we need to make regular trips to orphanages and make a small but oh so meaningful (to these kids) trips - think quarterly visits could work, i mean once every 3 months is not so bad. So she’s going to put us in touch with them. Am happy
Health - i need to go the dentists soon, keep planning to ask for an appointment but i never get around to going. I also need to do a full body check up… need to use all the services seeing us we now have a good insurance plan… wohoooo!
I should probs stop here, seeing as, i am minus stories to raconte….
peace out

its purity cleanses me new everyday! hehe.

Been a long long while since i last blogged, alots been going on in la vie de moi. Alot of festivities and i’ve been closely involved in the organisation… so that has consumed quite a bit of me. Family is gr8, congs sis! Work is aight, looks like things are back to ‘ordinary’ and basic. Not so thrilled but its ok. Remember there’s reasons for things… always is. So i think iz hood. Besides that, am tres fab nowadays with A in place and all. R/ship is gr8, making HUGE business plans together… gotta think of the future, ya know! Friends are great, nothing major to report on this section just that i find myself being closer and closer to my sister i.e. she might be among my top friends now =)
Lately i have been thinking about how much i love cooking and how much time i spend on food bl.ogs! its madness. Cooking might just be my niche, my purpose, LOL. Am actually being very serious, lol. Am thinking of starting up a catering business mostly for corporate events, weddings, small functions etc… dunno but i think this might just be it man!
The studi.o is all set now, few things left to get it open - so am waiting for pay day so i can finalise things! Am really excited about this.
I am considering quiting the corporate/NGO world to go solo, to go me - support the private sector, start my own business man! Seriously, i think i’ve had a good bite off the corporate pie and yes me likey a bit, esp the job security, pay at end of the month and all, but i don’t find it so fulfilling - well not as much as i reckon it’d be if i started my own thing. So, at the moment am thinking of starting my thing and then regularly contributing to charity i.e. i’d combine both my fav things! So yeah, lets see how that plan goes, but it’d not be implemented until 12 months time, might be sooner but let’s see!
Donc, i’m going to stop here and get some work completed! Meanwhile, i think my office mate is starting to bug me too much, she doesn’t stop talking and she copies me SOOO much, my style, things i like etc… eishh, am thinking, get ur own life! Innovate. LOL… maybe i bug her too and never shot my trap… grrrh, right now as im writing she’s still talking, ah sat! LOL.
Okie, ama bounce right about now… peace!

Finally had the mtg with the boss about my project! He was quite impressed with the implementation plan i developed, in his words “this is excellent” … so yipeee!! Am very happen, we discussed the feasibility of the plan and had a lengthy discussion about it… unfortunately though we didn’t get to finish bse he had a conference call which wasn’t done by the time i left…. so hopefully we finish up soon! Today is friday so probably next week, i should know where i stand with my project..!

Am thrilled at the fact that when u let go of something and just leave things in the hands of the divine, they happen! All week i’d been whining about how we hadn’t met and how it was pissing me off… an all that did was ruin my day and spoil my mood! Then yesterday when i told myself to just chill, it happened! LOL

It’s the 29th of feb, i know 2 people whose birthday is today and basically they only get to celebrate their birthdays every 4 yrs, lol… i don’t know if i fancy that much… but i guess it makes it more special as opposed to the popular annual birthday deal.

Friday is here and i have an upset stomach, thanks to my ever daring self who decided to opt for HOT tikk.a ma.sala!! Indian food is spicy enough and opting for hot indian food = danger-not-be-tried-again! So yeah, am going to be doing a lot of trips to the loo today - guess on the +, i get in some exercise, LOL… pls remember that the loo is about 20 seconds from my office… LOL, if you walk in my pace! So as opposed to sitting down all day… trips to the loo might allow me to get few calories even if they’re micro ones!

I am getting my hair braided this wkd! Yipeee… finally decided to get that done so the natural hair can spring up a bit then i can chop it off… neatly! Alors

I met a friend of his - female last evening and she’s such a brilliant person, u know those women who have an aura of soooo much strength and wisdom, i was amazed and loved having a chat with her… we had a lengthy chat about just about anything esp clever serious stuff, like work, future plans etc… i like that stuff! Not for everyday chat, but definately a combo of such convos and useless chats about hair could do me just alrite!!

Nothing else to report here sir! So ama roll!

I am in a super ultra ecstatic mood right now… it’s soooo beautiful having things going so well for you on pretty much all fronts. I mean:
- At work things are gr8 we have the new admin asst. starting on monday who i will be supervising… yipeee…. i finally get to be a boss lol… but besides that, am glad i can now pass on all the things i have sort of learnt and mastered by now and need to move on to new and challenging things. So umm am now thinking of how i need to get back into my M&E things and also start doing alot of field work and get hands on public health and health management experience man! I am thrilled.
- Holiday friday is a public holiday which is like the bestest day to possibly have a holiday… iz amazing! Aha. Am overly glad for that.
- R/ship: things r totally gr8! I mean i couldn’t possibly ask for me and i LITERALLY mean that! Everything is honestly going wonderfully well, i thank God soooo much for all the joy, love and happiness we both share… it’s truly heaven sent
- Family: Me and mums are cool, so far since the beginning of the year i’ve been very conscious of how i talk with her and been such a darling. I still find myself being a bit judgemental so am working to get rid of that too.
- Business: So ummm, the business me and mums are in has started off pretty well, we’ve got 1 job that should get us some good amount of cash should things stay at this pace… it’s lovely… am trying to jiggle it up with my full time job and am managing plus mums is thinking of quiting her current job if the business goes well and can sustain her… so am going to be doing less if she starts working on it full time… kinda nice man, i’d be very happy for her seeing as she’s getting a bit tired of her current job, it’ll be 10 yrs in same org and same job soon! So i dont blame her.
- Humanitarian: I have been a bit busy with work and this business thing to have time for the org we started, but am looking to do a workplan for this year and have set deadlines that i must work against… so once i have that ready, i’ll be one fortunate woman
- Friends: not much is up on this front, everyone’s cool, haven’t hung out with the girls in a bit but i should do 2moro. Everyone’s cool but i still find myself feeling a bit awkward around some of them and ofcourse i wonder if the prob is with me and not them… which worries me, because i totally don’t get how i can click with some of them after even years and it feels like we never parted and some others who in some cases i see quite regularly but still there’s that little something…. arrgggghhh or maybe i am just reading way too much into it. Maybe.

So ya see me a mean??!! things a gwan i tells ya. Alors, what next? My sis wedding feels soo closeby and it is in June - i am engrossed in the planning with her, picking dresses for the maids, decor ideas, etc etc…. mean while, i still ain’t got my dress… hello?? the sister of the bride gotsa looks gr8! ma men.

Right, so i am feeling alici.a key.s new album, off the metal! TOO FAB! she got talent man… currently got her on spin

Imma halt right here and sort myself out for heading out seeing as me and boo are hooking up for a drink meanwhile i need alot of non-alcoholic cocktails man… this country freaking deprives me of that!! ain’t right.

Hehehehe at the language, am giggling… yuk, who uses giggling?? LAUGHING!!! LOLLLLLL

^^^^^CLEARLY YOU CAN FEEL MY JOY^^^^^^

Am loving loving loving loving Alici.a Key.s new album ‘’As.I.Am” it soooo beautiful and uplifting. I like it and can’t seem to get enough of it. She’s got talent that girl… honest man, i knew she was good but dayum didn’t think it was this serious… lol, i know i should have paid more attention after she got given a grammy i’m particularly loving SUPER.WOMAN… it’s POWERFUL!! can’t get enough of that song mannn!! yeah anyway she’s good and i’m loving all the charity work she’s involved in, seen her grace alot of campaign covers of late… such a beautiful thing i tell ya!!

Okie, so i am coughing not good but i am taking medication and it really could be worse

We got a small drinking water tank thingy at work so since it came i’d always go for warm water but it’d be cold, so this morning i discovered why! basically no one ever bothered to turn the hot water on…so i did and right now i am on my 2 nd 1Ltr bottle of warm water it’s nice!

Can i just say it’s such a beautiful thing being in love…

esp with someone as fab as him…

the other day, i was giving him alot of att bse that little episode with ugly detty and yeah, so we sorted things out but still i had that taste in the back of my mouth and wasn’t 100% me i.e. i’d pick on EVRYTHING he did … so sato as we were heading home, he stopped me and went, “sweetie, i just want us to be friends… just be cool and not pick on everything… we both know how we feel and you know i love you so much” … so those words almost automatically got me and i had a mini a.ha moment right there… and we’ve been all head-over-heels again… yesterday he called to say he missed me… this morning he replied to my email almost the same second as i hit ’send’ lol… i know it’s small things but those are the things that say sooo much and go such a long way… we’re meeting up this evening for coffee i think… and i cannot wait

After work yesterday i headed straight home - as usual, changed into pjs, grabbed some potato salad from the night b4 and went to the living room. Everyone was home… so we vibed and vibed and then watched my sis gusa.ba tape and then…. power went! Yay…. Africa!!
Yahh, so we went on vibing….i told them stories, people were cracking up and on the floor… it was nice family time, i miss evenings like those. Usually, i get home and spend like 10 mins with the fam then head to my room… so it was nice having something diff for a change! making my mum, my sis and bro crack up and almost roll on the floor bse of laughter… beautiful thing!

I just got back from having lunch, has some cassava frites, spinach cooked in peanut sauce and some fish bits…. it was delicious. I am not sure what kind of a diet i am on now, seeing as i got sick of beans and veggies and chilli… so now am having alot of veggies and some carbs! i know, i know… but hell whatever! I am cool with it… maintaining my 2 Ltrs of water/day… trying to make it 3Ltrs a day… i mean when am at work, it’s possible bse my office is kinda’ close to the loo.

Mood: i am in a good and happy mood today, mainly bse of how things are going soooo well with my boo, lastnite family time, all the work i got done this morning and how much more i am going to do this afternoon - have decided to being a little tiny bit of a workaholic… bse i have such limited supervision at the office, so some days i can literally choose to NOT work and just fcbk, browse blogs, fool around and look busy when the boss is entering…. so i am looking to alter my ways and work, work….

On my mind: am looking to develop some sort of scope of work of things i’d like to work in for when the admin asst is recruited… areas i’d like to get more involved in alongside M&E … talking of which, i totally cannot wait for that admin asst to start… i get to do some serious and challenging ish at the office

I am missing some straw.berry cheese/cake man and a ceasar salad! LOL… i know i just had lunch but i wouldn’t say no to some s/berry cheese.cake man!

LOLL… ok, got nothing else to say for now… until next time…. ohhh yes, i do realise i still haven’t posted much on S.A but i promise to do so b4 a week’s time reaches.

Peace

It’s here… the time i have been waiting for… been praying for… the work is here now it’s my time to perform and prove myself to me, that i can grow! I am not going to settle where i am… i am well equipped and if i put in some hard work, i will do it! It’s in me… the strength, the ideas, the creativity… it’s all here now i have to just DO!

And yes indeed i am doing this…. because i am living to do and feel good….

Dammit, i am down this morning, i know its in my head and i can choose to feel good and happy, but somehow today i feel like i shouldn’t try and turn things around yet deep down i am not my happiest… it’s just small things at the office, i feel like i really need to get serious about starting up my own thing, i should focus on react and just do my own thing man… i am fed up with working for people, i know it has only been a year or so but still man, i can’t do this… people just mistreating and silently hating on me because 1 - i am young… only 22 and i get a good salary 2 - i am a woman surrounded by a majority of fuckin chauvinist assholes who don’t want to let me fit in… they want to do everything and be seen as workaholics who know what they’re doing. I am just fucking mad man… i hate this shit… i really think i wouldn’t be here this long if i didn’t have a boss like the one i have… i mean he really is the greatest boss ever… he really makes me want to put 200% into what i do, he motivates me, he gives me tasks that are of my level - being a uni graduate, he really inspires me alot. Grrrhhhh… i feel bad for being this angry, i should be more in control of my emotions and not be acting up like this after all the PD work i have been today - but am sorry today i am taking break, i will control my emotions tomorrow - thank you.
I need to fucking get serious about setting up my own business, i mean i could start with the mini project right now and still continue working here - because i cannot afford to miss out on that good money hitting my bank account end of each month - at least not yet. Really what’s holding me back? i ask myself - yes i know i need to get experience and do some intellectual work - maybe if i start my BIG project i will get more experience and more exposure - today, i just feel fucking exploited and freaking unappreciated by my colleagues - i mean, i why the sudden change? or is it me who’s changing? i don’t get it, but i see a bit of hate in their eyes when we speak and alot of disrespect for me too.. i can’t fucking do this crap for much longer! I need a fuckin break man. Grrrhhh. WTF?
Am i really asking for so much so soon? What is the problem… i need to practise patience i know and good things come to those who wait but dammit, i need to speak out today - atleast on this darn blog, i need to let out how the fuck am feeling.
I know i am not just mad my work - i agree that i did go to bed with a bit of baggage which isn’t right because that shit stayed on my mind all fucking morning - yes i am not as mad i was last nite - bse i realise that i might just be looking too much into the incident but dammit i donot appreciate the who situation! Give me a fucking break… why does anyone’s partner agree to meet up with a bitch who clearly is head over heels in love with him to freakin discuss a project - yes she got him to agree because it is on a topic he is very passionate about - but hwy the heck does a meeting that started at 8PM end at 1:30 AM???? Especially when it involves that particular bitch!! I am angry man, i fucking am. This is some serious bullcrap. I hate it hate it.
Yes it is friday and i should be doing my work, minding my own business and waiting for the clock to strike 5 so i head home for a good 64HOURS of being my own boss and doing what i please with my time.
Ohh man, i feel bad i have to be this angry… but today, let me just be! FUCK.

Wow, i only got to hear this prayer thru India’s song and i actually thought she wrote those words, but apparently its a quote from the 17th century or something…. i love it, it’s very refreshing and healing.

*******************************************************************

God, give me grace to accept with serenity
the things that i cannot change,
Courage to change the things
that i can change,
and the Wisdom to know the difference

Amen

I’m listening to more Wayne Dyer and i have decided to listen to 5 ways each week and try practise one of them daily:
The idea behind these ways is that in order to change our lives, we must change our thoughts and words! To transform means to change form/ go beyond your current form….
Here goes:

1. Know and believe that divine intelligence exists.. there’s divinity in everything and we have the power to use this to create a life of bliss… if there’s divinity in everything, you too have divinity.

2. The right way to live our lives perfectly in in us. Look inwards rather than outside for answers… donot outsource…insource.

3. Become aware that there are no ‘’accidents'’ in the universe… everything that shows up in our life has something to teach us. We should appreciate everything that comes our way.

4. Draw your inner energy from the beauty that surrounds you…see the fullness of God ins everyone and everything and find bliss in that

5. Be peaceful, experience silence, meditate… be in contact with the higher being/God. You find answers from silence…from peaceful moments. You find peace, solitude in silence and realise that God’s one and only voice is in silence. Go within and find bliss…

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Wow, what wonderful words to marinate on this weekend!

it’s only mid september and it’s raining this heavily already… wow, didn’t expect it at all! Moving on, so after the yesterday’s post revelations yesterday… i kept thinking about my personal weekly template thingy i was meant to commence..ha! For real though, i need to get started and see how useful it’ll be…meanwhile, am so excited… two days in a row of exercising…how majorly cool is that…? Let me chill a bit and see what I’ll be saying in a week…! Awww, so i am writing this post while checking out an old uni friend on fcbk and i remembered on her graduation i was sat behind her folks, all decked in african attire… and when they called her name out… he mum got up, lifted her hand up and said.. ‘HALLELUYAH’ that had to be the cutest thing ever… everyone else was screaming, whistling when there friend/family member/whoever was called… but no, not her….! To me, that wasn’t just emotional but deep i tell ya.
i am wondering the following things too:
- when am going to ever go for my postgrad studies
-what my postgrad will be in (right now am thinking, an MPH - public health, MBA or something else that’s not narrowed down… am thinking MBA would be very ‘broad’ in the sense i want it to be in… so yeah… but then again, given the field i am currently working in, am thinking maybe an MPH… that way i could get more knowledge and be able to give more to the project… but somehow i am still doubting… MBA, MBA…. now an MBA am scared of, students doing MBA programs seem to be sooo well learnt, enjoy discussions, presentations, they know everything, think analytically… pretty much everything i am not very good at… but on the other hand am like hey, isn’t that what i’d be there for…. to IMPROVE MY SKILLS & KNOWLEDGE??
- If i will be able to go for my postgrad same time as my boo which would be very ideal… that way we donot get to do distance…
- if i will ever get to have THAT talk with my boss? the talk where am asking for more responsibilities than i currently have? where i am asking for more technical work.. stuff that i know little about but need to improve?

That’s ALL FOLKS!

As i turned 22 only less than a week ago, i have decided to change certain things in my life, my thoughts, lifestyle…etc i want to free myself!

The theme for my 22nd year on this earth is liberation! I am freeing myself, breathing freshly and i want to go to beautiful…i want to purity me and then set myself free from all the things/thoughts that i have had that only stop me from being the best i can be and reaching my full potential - i intend to apply this to my love life, work life, friendships, react… i am looking to commit a lot of time to this and ensure that in a year’s time i have reached somewhere with my target of freeing myself… i’ll continue to stay conscious and i hope to do this by re-refering to my blog and reading my thoughts….hopefully i will notice some changes in the thoughts i have over time and what’s going in my life. I intend to maximise time spent doing what i LOVE…as opposed to spending hours watching big brov on telly, maybe grap a book and even if my concentration lets me read a chapter in 2 hours…fair enough, but i’ll gain some knowledge…
I intend to define me, the person i really am and the things i want to get rid of and those i want to adapt… i really want to go to beautiful - which lays in my soul…
I WANT TO “BEGIN TO SEE MYSELF AS A SOUL WITH A BODY RATHER THAN A BODY WITH A SOUL”

It’s friday - i wish you all a great weekend.

Love & humbleness

Wohooo, couting days till my leave…sooo soooo excited! I leave on sato and arrive in london sunday…then straight to the B-ford!!! Can’t wait!
Besides the excitement i have been doing good, work has been hella busy…man endless reports to work on and many things too, hence the blog break, mais am back!! Got new colleagues around, including an intern from umich who’s so sweet. My boss seems pretty impressed with the work am doing and things are just going great at work. My boo is fine, the family is sawa, mum is down with a cold today and took the day off, poor thing hope she feels better soon. Sis is doing ok, we’re hitting the gym on the regular now. My friend who recently lost her dad, seems to be doing fine and adapting, i go see as often as i can… we’re planning a trip to burundi for my birthday, how cool is that?? we’re driving there with few close friends, it’s GOING DOWN no doubt!! Maaaannnn…am sooo looking forward to that plan. Ummmm, what else? Yes, i am planning to prepare a list of things to shop when i travel, still haven’t but i know i very much need to do so bse i feel like i might just do some ES (emotional shopping) lol, am serious though! hehehe.
Ahhh, let me get back to some work, i actually have my hands full yet am blogging…grrrh! focus woman.

A plus tard…peace!

Yeahhhhhhahhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It’s been 3 years y’all!! So far the longest relationship i’ve had ever and i am still so in love with him and i know he feels the same, i am really happy and thankful to God for sending me such a lovely guy and i can only pray that we share the rest of our years together… yeahhhhhh!! (Jumping up and down the couch a la Tom Cruise on Oprah) Yes, yes YES, YeS, YESSSS!!!

i am basically realising that this journey i yearn to start isn’t an easy one, i keep saying am going to do it, am going to do it, but i just neveer seem to fufil do it…its annoying me, i’d rather spend hours reading blogs of people i knoweth not of…instead of reading positive and constructive, upliftling stash, wasssup with that??!! But then again, i know all the good stuff never come easy, ya know wat i mean? Just like those essays u’re given at the beginning of the semester that are due the last week of the sem, but u end of saying, yeah i’ll get started but you don’t do so until the very last week and ur up ALL nite…the scary thing about this is that that last week might be when am 87years old!!!!! I need to get this done, it neeeeds to be done now!! My weekend started off amazing, the last week went well, i was all bubly and happy for no reason in particular until someone said something that made me feel bad about myself and led to a whole series of questioning me and blah blah blah…then i get to work this morning and my boss is acting way too boosy for my liking and then the silly clerk pisses me off…but ahhhhh…am back to good ol’ bubbly me, just off a dose of ‘wonderful’ and ‘butterfly’ ahhhhmmm, God bless good music!! Can’t get enough of it!…

………ok……..seeeing as i typed the upper bit of this post uhmmm like 2 hrs ago….am sort of back to arrhhhhggghhhh-fuck-everything moood again, which i soooo need to snap out of because i have party to attend this evening and i’d just rather not let this shit drag with me all evening especially when tommorow is a PUBLIC HOLIDAY!!!!!!!!!!! hoooooooray, i finally get to enjoy my first ‘worker’s day’ as a worker….and boy does it feel wow!! Ahmmm…so i need to talk myself into me bubly me…so yeahhhh…….

Ok, so basically i have been living rather unconciously, complaining here and there…shit and shit and shit…yet, i am not doing anything to lift myself outta this shit, if u know me a mean? hmm, so am thinking i need a whole day’s dose of Gary and India… just 1 day of that and then am sure i’ll be 3 steps ahead…so again, here i go with promises to do good, think good etc etc….but man, ahhhh!! Am out…

Its tuesday morning 8:13am to be precise, my boss has just gone out of the office…meaning i can blog, lol…anyway we’ve advertised a number of jobs this past week so applications have been flowing in…it just sort of hit me how many people are looking for work, people with crazy ass experience, some serious qualifications and yet they’re job hunting, it’s mad, and then some of us have the nerve to sort of complain about work…i mean, am not really one of those to complain all day about how work sucks, bse trust me i’ve been through WORSE! Where i work at the mo is really good, the environment is lovely, my colleagues are great and do not poke their noses into everyone’s business…which works just fine for me, the pay is really good, the benefits are wonderful! Honestly, it’s a great job and also the work am doing is very related to what i want to do for my masters degree, which is an MA in Project Management… so am basically getting some quality experience! My boss is very hard working which sort of makes me have to put in every single effort in what i do, because nothing can pass him without noticing an error, he’s got a very good memory basically never forgets things he’s assigned, i am honestly getting very good experience. Though, i know that i am not putting 100% into my work, probly say right now am putting in 70%…so i need to work my butt off and not complain when am asked to come in a saturday or public holiday, it’s work… my parents have been doing this for ages and i never heard them complain, they worked their butts to make us a happy family…and yet, am only living for ‘me’ as in no fees to pay, nothing to do with anyone else, except the random electricity bill i pay once in a while, food for the house and little things i do ocassionally…my point being that i donot really have to bear with stuff for the sake of my family etc… anyway, i just want to say i am very happy with my job, i am so grateful to God for the way i got this job without even looking for it, as in it found me, i just got an offer and took it up! LOL…but really, this morning i want to just take a deep breath and reflect on all the positive things of my job, i am grateful, i am very happy with the work i do. I am thankful to God!

You know what? I have been thinking about how lazy i have become…seriously…i go to bed 9pm latest…wake up 6:30 earliest…head for work at 7:30am till 5pm and am back home, in comfy clothes…in front of the TV! I don’t know if it’s just me, but man, this isn’t good…i mean when i was still in school, i DREAMT of this life…going to bed early, a life free of exams, assignments etc…waking up late, get paid to do work…come home with not a thing to stress about, watch TV all evening et voila! now am finally living that life, i honestly feel quite tres tres unfulfilled…like am not fully using me…it gets a bit scary actually…

1. so basically, i have decided to get VERY serious with REACT, i have been googling for fundraising stratergies etc…so i want to start staying up late..maybe till about 11pm, working on this project, because i 100% believe that it’ll be a big success and that through it we could make a MAJOR change in the lives of the less fortunate…so am going to start working my ass off on this project, so by the time we have all the legal documents sorted, we’re just good to go…i’ll only have to present the work to the rest of the committee members and hear their opinions…make changes if needed and we’re READY!

2. Oh yes, i need to continue taking my driving classes seriously…because man, this is one chapter in my life that needs to end…i need to get a friggin’ licence…not having one @ 21 ain’t a sexy thang! So for real…i need to get that over and done with…

3. I also need to friggin get my ass into the whole gym’ing routine…because am the kind that can go to the gym 3 or 4 days in a row and then miss for a whole month..how uncool is that?! I know it’s not easy for me to get there because it’s not walking distance from either home or work…so i need to get a lift, because cab’ing all the time isn’t very cheap …still though, i guess i could find a way if i really put my mind into it!

4. I need to start going to church again, or atleast listen to all the zillion joyce meyer podcasts i downloaded, watch the christian channel more often…i don’t know…just do something…. to ‘get back into the spirit’

5. I need to finish reading ‘who moved my cheese’ which is like only 50pages…LOL, can u believe such laziness? What kind of heckery? I mean i TOTALLY enjoy the book, but i just never seem to find the time to read it…ya know what i mean?! yes…so i need to finish that…

6. I need to create a YAHOO! album of family pics… then one for REACT as well…yeahh…not top priority but it’s got to be done!

Am thinking of changing my blog name…i feel like am passed the ’silver soul’ stage…maybe i should get a simple name…like ’simply living’ or ‘my day to day’ i dont know…just something plain and not fussy, that doesn’t give mixed messages or alot to think about…just plain. Well, i will think of something..so watch out for my new name…might even get a new homepage or something…i dont know…i just feel like am past the ’silver soul’ era…it’s time for change…so watch out for new developments!

Peace

just found out that i am doing my driving test on tuesday…where? In kibs! LOL…this is soo funny, because i have to travel so far away to do a mere driving test simply because the schedule for tests here are fully booked until JUNE! Can u imagine!! Ehhh…anyway so i hear am going on tuesday and can i just say i haven’t been attending classes for over a week now…how unhealthy! So am a bit freaked out that i might infact fail…but not too freaked out, i can always try again, but then again, i can’t even imagine the next time i could possibly get scheduled for another test…i need to pass, because my mum’s agreed to give me her car once i get the permit…how cool would that be??! Because i am MAD sick of taxis and asking for rides, one of the main reasons i donot go out as much is because am always thinking of the ride back home at 5am, tired as hell all the way to my house which is very far from the city center…grrh! So pls pls pray for me, i need this licence - BADLY!

I am just sat here, trying to get my head around so many things, i read thru my blog earlier, listened to half of Gary Zukav and i realise i have so much work to do. I have experienced authentic empowerment - for a few days, but now i need to make it last, i need to live that feeling each and every day, i want to do so, because while i felt what it was like to be authentically empowered, i felt the strongest i have ever felt in my entire life…it was magical, it was like i was being re-born, like a new born child seeing the world for the very first time, being able to understand everything, analysing stuff and feeling very comforted because i wasn’t alone although i physically was. It was beautiful, it felt sooo right and so real, so true and so easy. Yet now i realise it is something that i need to work on, it’s not just a physical experience that once u’ve felt u have, it is very pyschological and very mind-based…i need to fix my mind to it and make it last, it needs to be constantly running through my mind… it is something that i need to think and do consciously, i guess that’s the whole truth behind consciousness…being aware…somehow, i need to practise this more often so i can remain authentically empowered and feel true power that isn’t external. I am so curious to see what my life will be like when i have mastered this art, i chose to call it an art because it is something that requires constant practise and possibly with time, you just do it, without even thinking. It just happens, like that. I am going to make it an assignment to read/listen to the seat of the soul every other day. One day to read, next to practise etc…that way i think i will get where my soul trully wants me to be which is to be able to finally align my personality with my soul.

“I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful home”

I am feeling good… and loving it. Its sunny outside, the weather is just perfect… i am feeling stress free….3 days b4 my baby comes…Lawd, ive missed him!! Besides that, we’re having a few fam issues…parents acting all funny and stuff…so i’m just praying that God straightens everything out for us. I feeel great, i am looking to start my healthy lifestyle of exercising, eating healthy etc…bse i’m developing few lumps of cellulite here and there…YUK!
I want to get MORE engaged in REACT…!
I got to run now….later!

It feels really good…

- having a best friend you can chat absolutely anything about
- having someone who sees only the best in you
- who inspires you, believes in you more than yourself even
- having support from your family
- being deeply in love
- and knowing with no doubt that the other feels the same way
- not holding anything away from them…telling them the truth even in times you know it could get in in some REAL sh*t
- having great friends who let you be you and let things be
- having such a loving big sister, who’s as generous as hell…
- having a mum who’s tough but who i know is teaching me alot through being tough and challenging
- having a great father who such a golden heart
- having a big brother who’s so genuine and kind
- having a cute little brother who is so adorable and has so much passion for music
- being able to be me at all times and not scared of not ‘fitting in’
- having such a supportive partner who i love to tiny little bits

IT REALLY FEELS GOOD!

I am feeling weird today, i am a bit better than i was an hour ago…bse i was actually crying…but man! I woke up feeling unhappy, i guess its something to do with me not going home yesterday but not entirely..had a fight with my buddy, i have just been down! Lawd, please give me strength to see the best in every situation, let me remain positive all the time and see that there’s always a reason for everything and also a lesson in everything that comes my way…i am feeling quite lost and bit out of place and out of touch with everything…! I need strength…i need guidance God, i need direction and peace of mind…i need everything to go in place….to get right….please Lawd, please!

The highest expression of love is to give without expecting,
The highest expression of love is to accept without exception.

I have so much to learn, I have so much to learn, have so much to learn…

I love this quote to bits…it’s so revealing and true! omg!!!

“I release all dissappointment, from my mental, physical and emotional body ‘cause i know that spirit guides me, and love lives inside me, that’s why today i take life as it comes”

Wow, i know it’s been so long, i honestly have been intending to write but maiyun, it just doesn’t work, maybe its the fact that we hadn’t had wireless installed yet but now it’s here and in full spring, so no more excuses! Right. So. I’ve been up to quite alot recently…been having some troubled times with me and my thoughts…been running out of patience, been feeling slightly insecure, been all the negative stuff i hate to associate myself with man…and now am back …to get the best out of me…release all negative thoughts, heal. be myself, speak my mind, discover me and so on…to let “spirit guide me” and let love dwell inside me…i just want to know me, to learn me for real.for real …

Decided to start blogging again maybe not as regularly as i used to but you know drop a line or two once in a while type thing. So, everything’s been crazy from the last time i wrong…first off am HOME!! Been back now for 2 months so am very used by now, funny thing is am not sure if i actually miss england or not. I honestly have no feelings with regards to that, just blank…!
Alright, so i’ve gotten up to like to like SOOOOO many things since i returned, first things 1st, i got a job. In my ideal organisation but not necessarility my idea post, but i like to think, i’m in and ofcourse since it’s an NGO, i know i’m helping out somehow….ya know? I am working in the research department, so it’s more like b4 we intervene we need to know what’s on the ground so we’re like a very crucial part of the project. It’s a very educational job, i mean i learn alot each day about people’s thoughts and so on….quite good. Ok, ofcourse am not very fond of all my colleagues esp my boss….grrh, he’s such a pain! atleast to me anyway, but i know am learning patience from this so i’ll accept this positively…but no really, he’s annoying….grrrh, sometimes i just want to stand up, lift him up and just shake him for like 20mins….grrrrrrh!! 1st, he’s VERY loud so no matter how much i try to just pretend he’s not there, it doesn’t work….2nd he’s so unproffessional and extremely nosy….yikes! ok, nuff… besides that i have met a few interesting people, we have a good time when there’s less work load…
oh, i also moved to another town for work its about 40mins from home, not so bad, i cant afford to commute each day so i stay here especially since housing was given to me FREE. right ok, i also got to travel which was very good and interesting.
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Me & my one are doing great, seem to get stronger by the day…the past couple of months have been pretty rough but we’re building stuff back and so far so good….we’re probably stronger than ever…it’s true there’s always a lesson in everything.
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Family is great, everyone seems happy except my kid bro who is like EXTREMELY stubborn, i just pray its the age and not something thats going to be there forvever!
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Friends are great too, i miss Simone!!!!!!!! though honestly feels weird sometimes with few of them and
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Generally, i am happy… just need to continue working on myself…need to take the whole pd thing seriously and start on getting to know me then continue from that…ya know?

WISH YOU THE VERY BEST!!!!!!!
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N’uku kwesi imyaka icyumi n’ebyiri ishize ayo mahano yabaye! Mu minsi ijana gusa abantu barenze ibhumbi magana inani babuze ubuzima bwawo bazize ubwoko. Ubwoko batatonranye kugira, bitaturutse kubushake bwabo! Kuba umututsi byari icyaha yo wakicya…uziri ubututsi… uzira ibyo bavukanya bitari ibyo wihitiyemo… n’uko, abagabo, abagore, abasore, inkumi, abangavu, abana hamwe n’imhinja n’abari bakiri munda barishwe. Biskwe nabaturanyi, inshuti, abo basengerenaga hamwe, abo basangiranaga…ni bo bahindukiye bara batema. Barabicya ngaho batari abandi. Babikisha imihoro…barabatema, bafata abana n’abagore kungufu maze bakubita imphija kunzo, basatura inda z’abaribatwite. N’uko ako n’akaga k’urwanda. N’uko byagenje. Imana yirirwa ahandi igataha irwanda ariko muri Mata icyenda nakane Imana yari he?
Ibintu byabaye mugihugu cyacu ntabwo bigomba kwibarigina!! Tugomba guhoza abo bantu kumitima yacu burigihe, tukabasengera hamwe n’abo basize iyoma, impfubyi n’abapfakazi kugirango Imana izo bahoze imiti ibahe ubuzima bwenda gusa nku’ubwo bari bafite, abafite ubushobozi babafashe uko bashoye kose. Abotwapfushije nabo imana ikomeze kubaha ibiruhoko bidashira. Tuzakomeze tubibuka kandi mwagiye tubakunda kandi tubakeneye. N’aho abo batemye Imana iza beze imitima yabo, izababarire!
Mata 1994…iminsi ijana…ubuzima burenze 800,000 twabuze! Imana igume Irwanda, igumana n’abana bayo kandi ihe abotwabuze ibiruhuko bidashira.
TWESE TWIBUKE!