Livin’ a conscious life

Been feeling very splintered and generally over the place lately. My response to this was to consciously remove such neurotic thoughts and get my head back up and SHINE.
But, in the process, i have been holding so much in, so much that i’d be angry at something or someone and instead of letting it out and informing that person, i’d keep it in and try to not put my needs b4 those of others (you know, avoiding impatience which simply is putting your needs b4 those of others and is not a healthy feeling/thought) so anyway, in that whole process, there’s been a lot of tangled thoughts and feelings and emotions! hence my frustration, basically the clarity levels have been at an all time low. this left me questioning my standing. so i have decided to rekindle the journey within, i know that true answers come from inside i.e. our gut feeling, intuition or our inner selves. I have been presented with a situation where i can actually do this, focus inside, on myself, question me, discover me and then i’d be in a better position to respond to the externalities. So i have decided that in order for me to be able to reach inside, i will do a sort of self-assessement/cross examining to find clues and answers to this splintery (LOL). I am thinking i might blog about it elsewhere because of the level of privacy such disclosure needs. but i might just blog here, don’t know, let’s see.

Listening to some Asa and love it! Her music relaxes me and brings me back to this beautiful life. not to mention her easy-to-relate lyrics and beautiful voice.

Ahem. I’ve been doing great, watching my little new fav man grow into a beautiful, round faced, cute eyed man - it’s such a blessing.

Thinking about going to Souf Afrik with my mums or best friend for vacay in a month’s time.

I didn’t need that cup of coffee but i still had it

Been making plenty healthy choices - exercising regularly and eating healthy

I hurry, rush my way through things a little too fast sometimes and need to take life one step at a time

One step at a time, my new motto

I need to seriously get back into the swing of working.

Peace. My head’s been all over the place,with the failed NL plans, but am holding on and smiling, already have alternative plans and working on realizing them

** Randomness: I have realized that the reason i was a bully of sorts in high sch was bse i was bse i was bullied in primary sch. I am happy to report that that ended with my teenage hood.

Until next time, toodles !

So my one finally met my Dad! What a beautiful and loving evening it was. ofcourse i had doubts bse of the issues surrounding them meeting and me and my dad’s bond but they both hit it off pretty well! I was amazed. The convo flowed, there was no first-meeting-with-future-inlaw tension or anything like that, it was simple and very relaxed which served as another reminder that this was all ‘written in the stars’ and the moon, the trees and the universe is FOR it, so there was no way it wouldn’t have flowed. I enjoyed every bit of it and was reminded why my dad’s always been so special to me and why my one is my #1.

I will not say much, except that i am amaze at the power of thoughts, once again, lol. I THOUGHT i had it right, but my heart FELT otherwise… it was not flowing. When i think about the kind of life i have led, my decisions have been guided by a lot more mind THOUGHTS than HEART FEELINGS - i know the only truth is following my heart bse that’s how i will always be convinced about whatever i want to do or be - therefore, i am opting for the feelings from my heart and taking that journey.
I tried to return to an old habit and it just did not flow, it took someone special to make me realize this, but i did. Whatever the case, i believe i am making peace w/ my true dreams and goals, though they are simple and might be overlooked by the mob, they are what i like and they are what i want to do, regardless of the situation. I feel like a rebel for choosing the less travell.ed path, but it feels right in my heart. I get excited over the thoughts of those plans and everything feels so simple - so looks like, am doing just that.

Clarity to you all!

Wohooo, just finished the first draft of my b-sch ap.plic.ation e.ssay! I cannot stress how excited i am - it’s a huge achievement because getting started was tough. I wanted to make it personal but also include the ‘big pic’ - wow. I will stop here and not look at it again until tomorrow morning! I will review it tomorrow and have it sent it fam, friends and colleagues - hopefully i’ll have a well written ess.ay by the end of all that editing. Plan to have it emailed to schools by 5th Sept, I AM SO HAPPY!!

I am currently going through the rather unexciting part of grad sch - application process. So i think, breath, see school profiles, motivation letters, recomm.endation letters etc… the process has really got me questioning myself and my intentions for attending b.sch - i have so many reasons but i guess i need to just find a clearer way of explaining them in a 200 word essay and also just filter the most important reasons! So ofcourse this means a lot of thinking and sorting out my brain, lol. For the most part, the one thing that i am pretty much left to complete is the essay - why the course? why the schools i have selected? why now? link with my career plans - this basically means that i need to know 1)why i want to do an M>BA 2) how it will help me in the future… am trying to make the ess.ay very personal and not throw in my country’s plans and history, yes i know it’s giving the ‘big pic’ but i want the essa.y to be easy to relate to and also simple and not too ambitious, in any case, that’s the only way it will stand out and be an interesting read. So, alot of reflecting, clarification etc…
I intend to create clarity, direction and ‘get back in the rhythm’ - dear universe, please hear me out.

The past couple of weeks have involved a lot thinking, figuring things out, researching, thinking, figuring things out and researching some more… to say the least.

In the midst of all the thinking, i became an aunt to one of the cutest and most precious babies, i ever laid my eyes on - welcome son, you are welcome - frankly humbled to be your auntie and i promise to be there anytime you need me and be one of your closest peeps - i want you to ask me about girls, about school, about jumping the fence to go partying, LOL - i want to understand you however way you choose to live your life, to advise you when you need me to, to love you unconditionally, to listen and embrace you and whoever you choose to be.

i turned 12 for the second time and had an awesome time, dinner w/ the girls which came w/ a surprise cake from them and a little surprise from me to them, i share one of my favorite songs w/ them Reflecting on the past year, i went through a bit of a rollercoaster which involved me planning to quit my job down to nitty gritty details including the date - deciding to start my own business, growing moredeciding to go to busines.s sch and changing my mind, healthy living, loving and accepting my mum as she is, meeting new friends etc etc… all in all, i am so thankful for all this growth - i feel like i have watched myself achieve all that i have and felt my mind expand - intellectually and spiritually. Am grateful for this.

The project’s been going well so far, few hiccups but nothing major, trying to fix it, silly sect.ur guys - but God’s in control and has a plan for us. It will work out.

Currently, whats been occupying my mind alot is going back to sch. Let me do an entire post on that later.

Otherwise, that’s all for now, folks!

peace

I have never paid THIS much attention to the huge impact works have on our lives and thoughts - i have been reading alot of inspirational words, b.logs that TRANSFORM almost instantly and triggers all kinds of emotions/thoughts in my mind - words - they can be powerful, uplifting, motivating, inspiring, beautiful, heartwarming, create vision and impact thinking! It’s funny i never put that much thought into ‘words’ yet they’re so powerful. One the other hand, “poorly chosen words can kill enthusiasm, impact self-esteem, lower expectations and hold people back” so folks, be careful what you say and be even more careful what you read!

“When words are both true and kind, they can change our world.” ~ Buddha

- Happy with the choices I’ve been making
- Been even happier w/ my stream of thoughts - opening up my mind to creativity and positivity

PS - rethinking alot of things/ppl

…and not the poison!

I haven’t been on my blog in over a month because i’ve been mighty busy with work and non-work related work i.e. the project — i can’t believe that the blog below was written by this same mind, lol, (note to self: still got few splintered parts of me… i am work in progress, still getting my mind healed)… moving on very quickly, am above the comments made below, some of my reactions were unnecessary and just a chance to give rise to my ego i.e. feel important and putting other’s acceptance of me before my acceptance of myself. So moving on. I embrace me, am so much bigger than that.

Things have been looking up. In a big and blessed way.

The project finally got launched on June 6. Got alot of positive feedback/encouragement… things started off a bit rough, organization wise which ofcourse was expected but we pulled through. I took time off to help, made huge improvements during my time there, though i still feel there’s plenty more left to do. Infact, i just remembered that i have some template to prepare for the finance management, so i’ll have to cut this post short. Details to follow.

In short, i am SO grateful for God’s blessings, for support from friends, for love, for positivity, for the power of patience and optimism, wow, this project just won’t be shaken! It just keeps pushing forward… so thankful, WE are.

Yes yes yes, i shall RISE! lol i think the moral of this lesson is that i need to trust my gut more often. I do. bse i felt it, i knew it, i could see it, but i questioned myself and thought maybe it was just me. Ahh.

Anyway, so it’s not really as dramatic as i made it sound up there but, i have this colleague who i’ve been working with for the past 3 months or so, she’s here on a fellowship part of her company’s CSR… they send their top staff to train/build capacity of staff in working in NGOs in developing countries, so she came to my project. Anyway, so she’s been working on alot of our communication work which though it’s not directly under my responsibility, its something i think is fun and i’d love to develop more skills in. So my boss asked me to work with him and another guys that’s in the team - so things started off very nice and fun, i loved her brilliance, being an ivy-lea.gue grad, experience, M.BA etc… so i was very keen to learn from her and get as much from her as possible. So we worked well, i introduced her to some friends of mine, few social events here and there, you know because she was new in town and everything thing! Then after like 3 weeks of being cool and chatting about just abt everything, she started acting funny! She started pulling away, becoming cold, so angry and freaking annoying! So i pulled back too and bse am all for ‘meeting in the middle’ she wouldn’t come say hi as much, i felt somethign wrong, anyway, i wasn’t so bothered and ignored everything and kept things professional! That was it for like 2 wks.
Ahhh, why all these details?
Bottom line, i realised she’s just like every single other wh.ite person i’ve met! Predictably racist, you know the kind that thinks they’re cool w/ it and aren’t but deep down actually are! Effin’ hell. Anyway, to hell with all that shit because such kind are so fake, artificial and i’m just glad that i sensed it, my gut feeling told me that! Ugh. But honestly, am disappointed. The thing that confirmed it was a chat i had with another colleague who told me she felt exactly the same way! So i was just like, ah voila, it’s not me, it’s her! She has the problem.
Moral of the story being, i need to listen to my gut, it can’t lead me to wrong. So there you go. My gut shall make me RISE. ABOVE. SAIL THROUGH.

P.S - am supposed to meet her for dinner at the ‘project’ because i’d been promising to take her there since months now, so i thought i’d just get it over with!

Haha, so i went from preparing for G.MAT to reading recipes for making muff.ins and coo.kies! LOL. Those are my career options, lol. Am dead serious. I guess one could wonder why not do both? But am not 100% sure i plan to fully utilize an MB.A if i did one. Let me keep pondering on my options
In unrelated news, am baking tonight! Getting all my baking gear in order and heading to my pa’s to do some baking, lol. This might be the start of a very interesting turn in my career! Peace.

Ugh. it’s not the best feeling when you have just 5 hours sleep and have to be at work for 8 hours the next.

It’s even worse when you’re feeling worse at 8:15am and go for some coffee with milk and little sugar

It goes downhill when your tummy starts acting funny just before 10am and you feel like throwing up

Then come 1pm, you stuff yourself up to the teef with sweet potatoes, some spinach and some fried pla.ntain!

WHAT!

Seriously, that’s how my day’s been.

I have to draft an article for our PR office in NY to blog on the NY.T or Huffin.gton but i haven’t started - was meant to start this a.m but i can’t focus

Despite all these perks, am gonna shine! cool my head with some lemon water and shine some more

LOL

who am i kidding, it’s only 3:17pm and i am leaving, heading to the rest for a nap so am all fresh for the evening’s festivities which include my baby and I inhaling us some of the project, lol.

I need to resume my dictionary ways. My vocab needs a makeover, LMAO @ how many times i say “i do think it’s fine”

Twe.e.t, i have started and i love.

Yum, my bed in a bit.

Had brought all my stuff for yo.ga tonight but clearly sleep is getting in my way

I am happy

Shine girly, SHA-AAINNN!!!

LMAO

Think am gone, seriously!

I feel better, ugh. I need to blog normally, this whole sentence at a time thing is getting to me.

I NEED to travel soon, i do. I don’t care where to, just leave, go, somewhere, far, preferably! lol Routine hurts like a toof ache.

No kidding

Relax, i need to learn to do alot of chilling esp when the times get tough, just lay back and chill! Nah’mean?!

Yer, so as the title suggests, there isn’t much going on at work today. I’ve had 3 cups of coffee and some strawberry yogurt. I’ve on nosybook all morning, checked all my email accounts and its still not mid-day. Oh dear. I’m looking forward to him coming back today, with all the goodies for his 2 babies: the project and moi.

I’ve been having too many deja vus, i don’t get it.

Dreams. I am weird, seriously. LOL, these days i look forward to going to bed so that i can dream, am dead serious, lol. My dreams have been revealing alot to me. It’s almost scary.

Control food eater, i am. These days anyway.

Birds, sounds like they’re arguing tin their songs, lol. High pitch, then low, then higher, then higher, lol. Insanity.

Damn, hadn’t noticed that the boss wasn’t coming back, he took his laptop. That’s what it means almost always.

Awwww, Ush.er… ‘can you handle this, if i go there baby w/ u?’ LOVE IT.

Nephew. Can’t wait.

Was invited for a luncheon thing tomorrow, not sure if i’ll go, logistics of getting there and back are twisted.

Peaches. I crave.

“Can you handle it, can i go there baby with you”

The project needs help w/ gardening, think i might devote my weekend to that.

Clearly, i don’t have much to blog about. I should go.

Gone.

For the project advancing so well
For tomorrow being pay day
For the cup of hot water am sipping on
For life
For clarity
For happiness and not letting anything else on my mind
For great family
For my mother
For growing so much to appreciate her and see her as my teacher
For my dad coming back tomorrow and chatting with him
For me becoming an aunt soon
For God keeping my sis healthy and me knowing that everything between now and August will go just fine
For fresh air
For my bed
For the book am reading (wh.ite teef)
For freedom
For serenity
For my thoughts
For my kid brother
For me understanding that i need to tolerate him more eventhough he messes up too much
For the new job my 1 got
For the new friend i’ve made in Shan.ya my new colleague
For the writing skills am developing doing all these articles and actually getting over my phobia of having people read what i wrote
For love that i have yet to have as much of, but i appreciate what i do have and realise it’s baby steps and its progress
For laughter
For the bond me and my one share, he’s special
For my cousin getting married, tho i don’t still get the rush
For the sun coming out this cold morning
For this blog
For being alive, happy and healthy

THANK YOU GOD!

Listening to Jo.el Os.teen…

Sipping on some hot water, matter o fact, i got the tea lady to bring me a flask, so now i don’t have to keep getting up

I have a good feeling about this year, i just do

So i find out my cousin is getting married THIS year and i was with her less than 2 wks ago and she mentioned nuffin!

Sigh.

I think am learning to deal with disappointments better

Victory!! Baby! Ama shine.

Oh dear, i will rise baby, lol

I think i am getting better at just accepting ppl as they are, not try to change them or get them to think like i do.

It’s Thursday, i’m going to have a very relaxed wkd

My one is travelling to get stuff for the BIG project, yay!

I have started thinking too much about that project! i dream about it even! Ahh, it’ll be HUGE

My life is going just as i want to be, honestly

Sometimes i think about sooo many other things i could be doing at this point in my life like going back to sch to do my postgrad, getting another job and building a career that i love and want to do for the rest of my life, but then i realise that it just doesn’t feel right, it doesn’t feel like it’s my choice, what i feel like doing. So that’s why i think am doing what am supposed to be doing now, what i think i should be doing.

I am listening to Cold.play and i have never given them any of my time before and i love them! Very different and reminds me of uni because alot of people listening to them esp when i lived in halls - LOVING THE MUSIC!! Omg Clock.s just came on, lol, memories

I am off cheese until further notice

I pack beef strips to work, microwave them and they come out all grilled-looking - Yum-to the-E

Oh well.

I just pulled a me, LMAO! Why should i waste my time w/ true-friendship-py.gmies! Cannot be asked y’all! Don’t do rubber.

Why do people think i act older than my age, how is someone my age supposed to act? Going out clubbing every thursday, friday, saturday and sunday then go to work w/ hangovers, spend more time than i need to on figuring out outfits and actually caring, hanging out w/ random people. Hmph. I think NOT. I like me some serenity and sincerity - that to me means that i do what i feel like doing when i feel like it, regardless of what everyone else thinks i should be doing or is doing.

Ahhh Cold.play is really good, wow! Why have they been hiding form my radar?

It’s half 12 now, meaning lunch comes in half an hour, yay! I think am hungry, but i will eat moderately.

I really like my boss, he respects me and values me! That’s all i need from my employer.

I think i might take a U-turn in my career very soon

I love life and nature

Maybe i need to stop thinking about people and things that are not constructive, lol, that includes my boss’ bosses!

Whisper, whisper, whisper…

I don’t have anything else to write, so am going to stop here! until next time, peace, light and love!

So am reading this fab book called ‘ur err.o.neous zones’ and no it’s nothing to do w/ what ur thinking, it’s actually erroneous as in error? as in what keeps u from rising and shining! So i started it 2 nights ago and i literally felt elevated! The chapters i read so far are about controlling ur thoughts and understanding that you own ur thoughts and have the power to change so much in ur life just by changing ur thought processes, which is so true. Making sure ur thoughts are always loving and building ones. Anyway the other chapter talked about loving urself and the importance of loving u. I mean, i know i’ve read alot about the importance of self love, but i can’t say i have particularly mastered the act, i generally love me, but not at all time, so am working on having a conditional loving of me, even times when i feel disappointed in my actions! Like all the time, having a grounded basis of loving me regardless of the time or season. So that, am working on.
When i think about it, i know that deep down, i am a wonderful soul, i do and that’s what my focus should be all the time and even times when am in doubt and worry, i should understand that i am a good person, end of story, case closed, who’s next? So i plan to document regularly on my fabulousness. I don’t know if i need to get into the whole this isn’t an excuse to be vain or narcissist, it’s just me learning to love me first, so i won’t go there.

I sit in my living room couch and so many thoughts run through my head. I took the day off today, because i had a cold, which is much better now, thanks to the strict six-hourly anti-biotics i’ve been taking. I am not usually one to give a cold this much care and attention but due to few friends getting really bad colds, to the extent of getting admitted, fever etc… i decided not to take any chances and sought treatment asap and decided not to go to work incase it got worse.
Anyhow, so back to the thoughts…
so, i have been thinking how i need to get my shit together -
Problem - why i get so nervous around people who are ’superior’ and by superior i donot mean high level type people, anybody who i feel is more accomplished and sorted than i am - anyone who’s got a tad bit than i do - i fail to find ground, can’t speak well, get all my words mixed up and spend more time wondering if am making sense instead of just saying stuff and stopping to doubt myself - actually that’s probably what the problem is, doubting myself! i doubt myself so much, i don’t think i am that smart, or that likable, that’s why i keep wondering alot and never really just put myself out there! Yuck. this really sucks, i need to fix myself and get my shit together - ugh!

Current thoughts and way forward- I know this whole sounds too ‘beneath’ me and i really should be passed this, but am speaking the truth here. I feel that way sometimes and i know its a part of me that requires healing, big time!
I like to think of myself as someone who pretty much puts myself out there, an open plate, with no preconceived thoughts or biases… i listen and say what i think. I think my prob is i get so caught in trying to impress people that i don’t want to ask more or seem a tad bit shallow. I know, i know, i sound too lame, but am just saying whats on my mind and seeking clarity and repairs for this unhealed part of me

Right, so the way i’d like to be, is basically embrace the idea that i donot need to know everything, i can always ask, actually i have found when we ask ourselves, questions, esp the very simple ones, the more enlightened we become.. You have to be convinced about an idea or a suggestion, if not then i need to ask and ask until i am FULLY there. So i need to accept and embrace questioning. Then, i also need to open up, not put up my guards all the time - just be, just join a convo w/ no pre-conceived notions of the people am talking to, in other words, with no FEAR. Just be all light about things and that way you move from doubting yourself to being involved and hence more productive! So that’s my task - i need to STOP FEARING. Just live lightheadedly and let things be. Worrying and negative doubting thought processes move me further away from the light and are only caused by fear. So, i def need to get that bit covered!

1) I drink way too much water than the average female my age
2) I love lighting - in any place i feel the right lighting has a huge influence on the general mood and ambiance
3) I plan to become a yoga instructor at some point in my life (hopefully before am 35)
4) I love baking, cooking and plan to start a catering business or have a small pastry/sandwich shop
5) In my family, i am closest to my father than my mother, but recently i am making conscious efforts to be more closer to my mum because i need that, esp as i step into womanhood
6) Strawberry cheesecake is my fav dessert
7) I hate saloons, i hate typical things that women do e.g. spend hours doing their nails, makeup w/ the exception of shopping. If i have enough money and in the right mall, i could go on for hours
8) I love my kid bro like he were my own, almost like maternal love?
9) I used to read random people’s blogs and follow them regularly - now, not so much
10) I think way more than i should and i have it in my plans to reduce and possibly stop compulsive thinking
11) I think i am a conscious being having a human experience
12) I live in my own world, with my own terms and references and have stopped being bothered by whether or not it is considered the ‘cool’ thing or not by externalties
13) After reading ‘the art of racing’ i think too much about what goes on in dogs’ minds
14) My idea of a perfect friday night would involve a 60-minute swim right after work, a good book, my room, right lighting, praline chocolates (loads)
15) I heat up juice and listen to books
16) In the face of adversity, simply closing my eyes and breathing really does make me feel better, i think i need to do this more often
17) I used to doubt and question myself a lot - not as much anymore, one day, very soon it’ll be out of the window
18) I love nature and appreciating it - consciously, i love looking at blue skies and little insects - going on their business like they’re the shit, lol! Esp ants carrying food. I am amazed at how birds weave their nests w/ just about any twig or the like. Also, the sound of birds, i have a bird that i named ‘attention lover’ that raises its voice when i tune off slightly, lol. I like to think there’s a connection somehow
19) I have started sleeping late - used to be in bed at 8pm most nights but that was because i was still catching up on the many sleep-deprived nights i had in my last yr of uni
20) I think i might do some stage related work at some point in my life, still revamping the attention loving me that once lived. Actress, singer, speaker? don’t know. Would love to get rid of fear of public (more than 1 person) speaking through this plan
21) I strongly believe my dad’s the smartest and coolest dad that ever lived
22) I think/wonder so much about what people think about me and have only realised that’s my role to put what i’d like to reflect out there.. so creation in the process
23) I love chocolates w/ Mint, Praline, Peanuts in them
24) I believe when i am 30, i will be doing all the things i love to do because i am working on them already
25) I wonder what i’ll know and do when i am in my fourties because i know so much already about life, its issues, friendships,you name it… i got it all down. Perhaps it can only get better and i’d have mastered it all and be set for whatever comes my way whenever
26) I am working on my internalties because it’s just gotta be right before i can get answers from there, answers that i can trust
27) My honey,combbuttercupblueberrymuffin is the bestest that ever lived, seriously! Lawd, how lost i’d be if i’d never met you
28) I believe in a just world, a war free world and hope my children’s children get to see one, it starts w/ my fundraising and advocacy efforts today
29) Love to me is the answer to any problem in the entire world
30) I speak 3 languages fluently and a 4th averagely

Just read a previous post where i was simply describing what my inner feelings were and thought if i made it a habit to document my feelings, i might get more clarity, insight and be more in tune and AWARE of my inner mechanics. That way, i’d be able to carefully select the thoughts that enrich and heal me and hit delete on the shady negative and nonconstructive thoughts/feelings.

Ok, so today on MFN

I feel clean, i feel fresh. Its almost 10am and i still feeling rejuvenated from seeing a new day, the little bit of yoga i did, the hot shower i had and the nice cup of lemon and ginger tea i had when i got to the office. Because of a very unhealthy argument/confrontation i had w/ my mum on sunday… i still feel anger towards her, but i know thats my choice to choose how i’ll process the way she dealt w/ things that day. So i need to just release and breath and look beyond it. From the long catching up i did w/ him, i feel so blessed to have him in my life, we talked about that and are truly grateful for having each other, for sharing what we share, for being the best of friends and simply doing things w/ consideration of the others’ feelings. I think what has made loving him so much easier is because i have learnt to always, before i do something, think about 1st, would i do/say it if he was there and 2nd, would i like him doing/acting this way if he were in my shoes? For me, this has worked and made it much much easier for us to get along better and have fewer silly fights.
Asides that, am also thinking about how best to handle this gerl who just keeps repeating the same mistakes and is impatient w/ the way things work around here. I don’t know. I try to think that maybe it’ll go but whenever we meet, its all complaints and i was only able to put up w/ it at first, now its wearing me down and i don’t need that energy anywhere near me. Bse it means i have to empathize and listen and try to understand and shiee like that.

Let me stop here,bse i might loose track of what am doing.

Ahhh oui, it’s sports time! La, i love it. This week went by so fast, don’t even know how it got to friday so fast, oooouu wi! Anyway, i have a cold that i have been pushing pushing away from me, it’s not fully come am sure this is due to my healing resistance. I am in love, with my new attitude, with my consciousness… with my path towards a healed and whole person! love it. Ra. I don’t think i’ll swim bse the weather is she-e (shitty in coc.kney) - might go to the steam, but really, do i think spending the last 3k i have there is a smart decision? think not. Anyway, so let me search my drawer, might find some money there. 1 sec. Nope, nada. Shit, damn. What to do. Ahem.
Moving on
I think i think a bit too much about food, some habit that needs to go, along with thinking at all. But the food should go first, kind of like the chicken and the egg scene, remember when that happened? Ha.
What would the world be like without questions? imagine how laid back and easy going things would be, no sweat. lol, but how backward as well? Hmm. Am confused. Does that count as a question? Well i know that does.
Right, so confidence, non-consumable thought, books, warmth and a new closet are what i need, from this day forward.
LOL
i do crack myself up, i seriously do. Was reading archives, well 1st off, been 4 yrs since i started blogging! Cannot believe it actually caught, bse this was like the 5th blog i started and thought it’d be one of those. OH thee, self-doubter. Shake, shake it off! Well, well… so the archives totally crack me self. They do, lol. I keep schooling myself on me. Lovely.
Do i need to go into a whole paragraph of how am not narcissist, but just learning to love me and appreciate my flaws? i think now. so moving on.
Omg, i totally saw… peeped a colleague’s back today during lunch, tis haiiiiiry! damn. ohhh dear, i fear for him. So whats it like when he’s showering, like does he use soap on his back, or does he shampoo it? like w/ conditioner too and all. Oh lawd. Forgive me for i have been bad.
What!
I got me a yog.a mat, liking it! Done yoga once on it tho, and i thought. Anyway, self doubter, off u pop. I shall practise yo.ga, often - still plan to be a y.oga teacher, seriously! love the idea, goes so much w/ me. Its so me. Wow.
Ok, so as much as i’d love to continued blabb.ing, actually scratch that, this is real talk, i have to find a way out of here. My current financial situation doesn’t allow me to just catch a cab, shit having no money totally strips u off ur freedom, but then again, am i not a firm believer in the free things being the best ones? i think so. So let me enjoy it - could walk there even… she-e!
Friday nice. Weekend better. Peace plenty.
Out am i!! ! ! ! ! !!

Hahaha, i crack myself up! Seriously. Before i get into details, let me say i was thinking of changing my blog domain name to mylifemychoice! Raaahhh, that’s sooo on point. Doubt this frigger will allow anyhow! So, I declare from this moment on this blog of mine shall be name mylifemychoice…

Now that that’s over, i was saying:

Lately, well more like from monday i.e. 2 days ago… i got all excited about doing a masters degree, i mean i got in deep… completing forms, seeking scholar.ships and shiiieee, as in all in! I was doing some research for my motivat.ion letter, downloaded pages and pages of info and even took it home with me to study and even studied in between watching bros and sis on tv! Ehhh, the mind, the mind. So then, somehow it hit me that just like i’d previously been unsure about what i wanted to study i.e. still question why i need a masters, i was still there - unsure why! Why must i go back to school, why do i need a masters given all my plans and shiieee, i know i don’t want to work for people all my life… want to be self employed and do my thang and thats about it. So while i was still wanting to return to school and all, i was thinking M.BA shieee, i was looking at LB.S and the likes… but i realise there was conflict within, i was still unsure! I hadn’t convinced myself fully that that was what i wanted, it didn’t feel right within! I mean, this is a grand decision and i should zero doubts. Anyway, so scratch all the M.BA chat and resume my usual stream of thought which involves the cup of black tea and honey am about to devour! And think about the charity function am planning for an orphanage this Saturday. Ahhhhh, i love my life and love how much clarity i have these days, in the olden days i would have totally continued with the MB.A stash and gone ahead to a whole new step in ma vie that i don’t even think i want to be part of, ya know?! Now, i can be honest with my self, do things for the right reasons and do things that feel right to my soul. Simple. Things/life could really that simple.
Coming back to the blog title, M.BA eiiiii? eiiii?? A la Hom.er Simp! Walllllevaaa

Am out and totally need to do a whole blog on spirituality, i’ve been slacking for the past coupl’a days

Peacity!

Woooot! heart ku.ti to die… serious… lmao at the lyrics, ahh good stuuuff! Just read a previous random post which cracked me up… goooiii, now i see why i blog, so i can craack myself up in 10yrs time, to understand my state of mind evolution, too entertaining. Omg, i have totally grown within a week, i mean i understand how dramatic that sounds, but wait. Changed for the better, you know my whole obsession with self betterment of me? Right, so that. I mean, i listened to some good ol’ wayne… well, remind…shhhrrrrr… right, so i had a little mishap w/ him and i was all defensive and shit eventhough i should surely know by this stage we aren’t based on who said what, and who didn’t do what, but we’re more about response i.e. if shit happens to you, how do you deal w/ it? you know? Like basically, u can’t control the events that unfold in ur life… or how others will treat u, but you can choose how you’ll respond, which ultimately takes u closer to the light or further away, which, oiii trust me, u don’t wannna go - the latter i.e. Anyhoooooo, so we had a small tiny misunderstanding and i was being all att-full and basically letting my ego rule me… shit freaking ego, i hate u! Anyway, so i snobbed him and felt i deserved an apology anyway, so he didn’t and i’d call and hang up after like the 2nd ring bse i felt he should also make an effort to reach (again, ego making me super impo) anyhooo, so i wasn’t REALLY trying to reach him, it was more like ok, it’s lunch “try call” so i can have that checked on my to-do list and ofcourse bse my intention wasn’t very clear, shiiitt could tell…. damn metaphysics, this stuff works like mad! He could feel the truth or lack-of in my attempts to reach him and he didn’t pick… so anyway after like an entire day, he calls in the a.m and he goes, how are you, basically like he’d forgiven me and wanted us to move on… so i was pretending to be cool but ofcourse that stuff doesn’t last and i eventually start talking about in very detailed way how things unfolded and how he’s to blame and shit (1 THING I NEED TO LEARN IS TO NOT DWELL IN PAST, FOCUS ON THE NOW… TRYING TO UNDERSTANDING WHY WHAT HAPPENED IN THE PAST DOESN’T CHANGE MUCH MAN) ofcourse i realise there are exceptions and shiee but this is just a note to self, i get what i mean… anyway so to cut a long story short short, he ends up telling me he doesn’t know who he’s talking to - ofcourse it was me ego thats why and i said i’d call him back… so i thought about and decided to just listen to my heart and the ‘tiny voice’ and that instant i got it, i know it was my response that caused things to turn out that, had i chosen to call him him continuously and text to just try fix things and SEND LOVE bse times like those are when i need to get off my high defensive horse, get down to earfff and just do the right thing
Anyhow, so that ofcourse reminded how far back i am from the light y’all and that ish hurt like iodine! so i’ve been getting a kick outta’ some wayne, tolle and the likes and it’s getting me at the right spot! its all sinking in perfectly, almost like now’s the time to sort things once and for all esp after the “i am getting tired of teaching you” incident…. gotta do this by my self and NOW! Answers are within me, i can’t get anybody to tell me what to do or advise me, - gotta fix me, myself bse then i know i can’t go wrong esp if it’s from my heart - again, love and good old ‘right and wrong’ theories are to maintained. last nite had chat with me darling little boy boy and i was telling him how he needs to always listen to his heart bse it’ll never mislead him and will always get him on the right path… and he had some very god questions, that kid never seizes to amaze me bse he’s super smart… Gosh, i adore him to tiny intty bitty pieces So i got it all in folks… it’s me sorting me out and being a better person.
meanwhile the mind, omg, the mind is soooo freaking powerful, so i started also learning to disassociate myself with the things that happen to me and not blame me for them and just accept them and people as they are and just give/show them love always, so i had dinner with a friend of a friend who when i 1st met, i thought was simply amazing i.e. sweet, kind hearted, genuine and gorgeous, but after having a chat with someone and they thought she was totally pretensious and envious, i started seeing that and i think ofcourse she could sense it bse i think i am blessed some sort of diability to pretend.. so whenever i was around her, i was unable to even look her in the eye, was just dwelling on the impurity i thought she oozed… ofcourse here’s a good e.g. of how looking on the outside for answers doesn’t give u the right answers bse few nigths back in the a gathering of friends, she comes and i has a totally different att towards her and i totally re-clicked with her, i saw what i 1st saw in her… damn u mind! That was a sign and i simply going to continue heal things around me with my heart via my mind and re=purify me…. beautiful thing! Ding dong folly wang fang hung ha….

Clarity y’all!!

I just finished reading a book that has moved me and i know has changed my life forever. It’s a book called on Morrie, about 100 pages with very straightforward message. I think of Morrie as my dear friend - he’s explaining to his former student the true meaning of life and best believe none of it included a new iPh.one or latest fashion from DK.NY… the meaning of life was found in the most basic things that ALL humans, be it the richest man in the world or the poorest man in a remote village in a developing country all have - LOVE, COMPASSION. That to him was what being fully human was all about, be able to not think about mistakes you made in the past but just focusing on how to improve yourself NOW, this moment, because “life is the moment we’re living now” - he advises his student who is very wealthy and living his ‘ideal’ life, with a perfect convertible, real estate, beautiful wife, great job… but Morrie tells him he’d never find happiness in that… he’d only find happiness in giving back to the community and being at peace within! Ahhhh, i loved it, i felt like the book came into my life at the right time, i read alot of spiritua.l and personal devpmt books, but none of them have had such clarity… i think i also opened up to it more because it was a true story and the way the book was written… simple format and basic everyday language. Also because it was a dialogue… one i can picture myself having this conversation - it all went in right to perfect spot in me… and i will forever remember the impact this book had on me… i am positive i will read it over and over again over the years and have sent all my close friends a copy and will follow up with them to make sure that they read it. I want it to have a similar impact in their lives.

I am now applying the lessons i learnt from morrie in my daily life, i find myself very open to people now, more tolerant and want to make sure i live by a new quote i wrote that was inspired by Morrie: “True is not just loving those that are easy to love, but loving those that are hard to love” - thats the trouble i’ve always had - i only like people that are easy to love, which make me question where i fall, i would most likely say 70% that i am hard to love at the moment, and that will not change until i become more loving to those that aren’t easy to love i.e. by pushing a bit harder and further and making an extra effort to get through to people and show them some love. I think somewhere in there lies the answer to so many of my questions and complications i face in life. I need to start loving those that are hard to love and that will make me easy to love… I want to be able to say and genuinely mean it that i love ALL of humankind, not just the random love, but true and compassion towards all human kind i.e. even the ‘outcasts’ of society, those who killed in genocides, pedophi.les etc… i wanna open my heart to loving all people thats my new task! LOVE.

In no particular order:

- Th.ink and G.row Ri.ch — reading it now, still on 1st chapter but i can already feel the power of its contents and how they’re getting transmitted straight to my brain, am feeling them, the time is ripe for me to automatically get what he means when he say think and grow– magical experience going on here…

- Op.rah last sunday on the Car.negi Me.llon prof who’s got pancre.tic cancer, at like the worst/last stage — talking about how he’s dealing with it and prepared his ‘last lecture’ and it was on his childhood - dreams, aspiraitions etc… he has 3 young kids all under 6 yrs old i think and has been told he has little over 6 months to live… he determined to be the guy who’ll go back to the doctor’s and they’ll tell him they don’t know how it happened but the cancer is gone, and i believe him. He can use his mind to cure it

- Same Op.rah show, a woman with cancer who is living life to the max, eating well, exercising and determined to beat it.. very deep stuff. Wrote a book called “Cra.zy, Se.xy, Can.cer” comon now, doesn’t that title say it all… ahhhhh

- My brother, his beautiful flaws, my family’s response to them — lesson in there somewhere, i keep telling myself. I try to keep the faith and know my prayers/thoughts will manifest themselves, i need not give up now… i need to hang in there a little bit and have a little more faith.

- My mind… seems like everything in life comes down to good old “as you think, so shall u be” am beyond amazed at that. Not just spiritual texts, business ones, medical ones, life in general, things we experience, wow… could it really be that simple, you might ask yourself. But, no. First of all, getting yourself to think the right thoughts ALL the time isn’t easy. Also, know what the right thoughts are… because really, as you think so you’ll be. What think grows/expand, focus your thoughts on negative things, they’ll expand and that’ll literally be the story of your life, focus on positive ones and that’s what you’ll attract. It makes me wonder, if this simple ‘magic’ will ever be the reality of all humanity, like they’d all at some point know how to attract things through use of their minds… wow, what a cool world that would be! Seriously. I mean, thought of a poor teenager living in a refugee camp somewhere in su.dan… really can they think themselves out of that? or a starving wife? Answer is yes, i think they can. Seriously.

Right, i shall stop here for now and do a couple of these… i really look forward to reading these posts much much later in life, maybe 10 yrs time or even better in a year’s time… if you know what i mean? lol

Light y’all…

yer yer, am well… have had like 3 min snicke.rs and ro.lo bars, like 12 malteser balls and some fish. Ahhh, life is good when it involves plenty of chocs — things been giddy up baby, giddy up! all dop a dop super fly like a butterfly! lol. Just downed another cuppa rolo… tee hee! Got me a new pair of shooezies yesternite… love em, black, everyday work comfy! wearing them now mattter of fact. Been up to quite alot lately, new directions, sharper dynamics, plentiful analysis on my where next-to-be. Think i’ve figured it out of sorts, not thinking sch no more, thinking work, work, work, for me. Loads and tons of plans folks. It looks too pretty from where i stand, loooking down on the next 4 yrs of my life, beautiful, colourful, smiley, cheers, chocolate, calming, sensational… lol. only those meant to shall. Dadadadada. I need to have a longer chat with my father, the very special part of me. Had a chat this sunday with him for about 1 hour, it was beautiful, he never seizes to inspire me and see the best me in me. 2nd bite of rolo… loro, roll, orll… ahh am good. Too good infact for my own greatness…lol, ok, sense, i need ur presence.
Right, so new directions, realisations and all that crap.. it’s as divine as the last as.da cheesecake i had 2 yrs ago. Details next post.
over the past couple of weeks, had a cousin get married, was maid… eat plenty cake, got some psycho stalker… ok, nothing that serious, but he sent me flowers to work, gifts, texts etc… i sent them all back and never replied to him and now its died down, phew! Have another wedding this weekend, not maid, but serving, the high table. Started re-believing in horo.scopes, they tell the truth sometimes, matter of fact, 1 sec, let me see if today’s is saying i’m over indulging in chocolates and have not so much on my desk… brb > it says “You’ve been saving something for a special occasion, but you can’t wait any longer. Today is special enough!” hmmm, not sure what they mean there! kinda lost to be honest, yeah been trying not to eat too much bse am wearing a tight dress on sato for the wedding.
business has been doing fab, worked all weekend registering new mo.dels etc…was fab learning alot for the next directions.
i am indeed a good person…u know how u get a funny taste in ur mouth when u’ve eaten wayyyy too much choc or sugary things? thats me right now, but i ain’t stopping.
Next monday is a holiday its gonna be a long long long wkd, i only started watching greys and heart it so far, on s1 e5 i think, getting s2 before the weekend. Ahhh, been doing plenty of reading lately, fun thing to do. I hadn’t realised how much i missed reading. plenty wonderful books, one that stands out is about my dear friend, Kenz.o too beautiful on top of my fav reads at the mo. A boo.k club opened so attending for the first time in 2 weeks time, got 3 friends and him coming, beautiful thang i must admit! lavit…
got a new laptop, levono, lol… like it, love the large screen, perfect for filims… been to light on me, doing way too much carbs… past 2 weeks gone to the gym weekly, not bad… weights and aer.obics. Looks like the boss is stepping out early again today. very perfect, means i can grey a bit. what does anatomy mean? biological term for human body, let me look it up, brb. well was close, it apparently means “the scientific study of the body and how its parts are arranged” —
ok as usual:
us: excellent, growing growing in la. he outta town at mo, in lon.don town — chilling, literally i.e. getting me a multicoloured mwarab.o scarf.
fam: gr8, on mission to consciously include bro in plans and all, he had some rare emotional deficiency and we have some rare issue of not being very tolerant of x. So we’re looking to do so very consciously and see. X got probs with shakin, its bad, really bad, gives my mum a bad heartache and old man too, and dammit us too! So apparently following recent talk with father, he’s quitting, lets hope for the best.
friends: scarce right now, everyone doing their things, heading in their own directions just like me, we cool tho when we get the time to talk and all
work: work. period. work. get paid and chill evenings

outta here.

Yeah i know, right? its been a while, i have had alot going on in my life and work’s been hectic being mid-year and all. Am well and a bit off track on the At’s side of my life and trying to catch up with my route to authen.tic empowe.rment!
Everyone in my life is doing fairly well, a is great, we are great! Fam is fab and all… just have a bad headache right now that started on friday and its sunday a.m dammit! arrgghhh! I’m thinking its fatigue since i’ve been sleep deprived for a min. Am checking out uni websites to get more info on MBA progs… thinking i just might get lucky and get a scho.larship! wohooo…! Still questioning why i need a masters, wouldn’t i rather invest that money into starting a business, hmmmmm! So many questions, so many decisions to be made with regards to my career! Dunno man. Ahhhrggg! I’ll stop here, need to try and rest man, later x

Feeling that way this morning, arrrggghh nt so much a hottie, but i’ll brb.

Okie, got back to the office after an amazing 10 days away of just lazing around, bumming and yay being mein own boss… amazing! It went very well, i watched a bit tooo much tv which ofcourse didn’t allow me to do as much soul diggin as i’d have wanted but atleast i got some rest in… so wicked! Havent seen le boo in close to 3 weeks bse i’d travelled and he’d travelled too so we’ve been forced to be apart. But he’s back in 2 days and lawd lawd lawd!!!

Everything seems to be going very well in general
work - now am back seems i’ll start the field work real soon to test out the m&e tool i developed and ofcourse take it from there with that being my new main focus
home- got my kid bro loads of spider.man things and he was soooooooo happy, it’s amazing how the small things mean sooo much to kids, he was Estatic! Fam is gr8, sis is off for close to a month, mum, bro all coughing, but things are fab
business: still developing things slowly, we’ll get there… more on that.

Ok, so i need to reconnect with me and get back in tune… that’s my new task!

Hmmm! So, its not yet 5PM when i get to go away… for a good 7 days off work… loving it, loving it! So i pretty have finished all the work for the day.. so am bored which is why am blogging. Bored, bored… ahhh, yawn. Sigh.

When i go home, am gonna start packing my things… so that by 7PM, i’m all ready to watch idols… yipee! am so excited, am going out of town, am gonna chill, am gonna have a blast! yay.
I should def taking my swimming gear, need to be doing a couple of laps if the weather permits seeing as it does get rather chilly over there…

So there’s the funny french woman who works with one of the projects under ours and she thinks she’s the shit, so the people she works with totally cannot stand her! She’s such a bizatch… as in she knows jack and gives them a hard time! She thinkgs bse she’s of a diff race that she can come bully people … the hell? Anyhow, so yeah right now she’s in my boss’ office, who happens to not stand her either…. ahhhrgghhh… best believe she flew all the way from lon.don for a dinner… lol, what an extravagant life! wow… totally shows how she’s got no idea what to with her job and her time..

OK, so it’s 4:03 right now, and i’m totally dying to goooooo… cannot wait anymore..i wanna go go go home. Gag.

4:04 right now, ok, brb.

4:13 already, yay!!

4:16….

4:21…

4:26…

4:44.

4:45

4:45 still..lol

4:48 ….grrrggg

4:51

4:53…

4:55…

5:00!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I start my leave tomorrow for 7 working days and traveling out of the country to just chill and unwind… relax and get back in tune with my soul. I need that soo bad… am planning to take a novel with me and try as much as i can to just relax, smile, revere and just get my balance on.
He and i have had a somewhat hardish week, not just bse we’ve not met in week since he’s been out of the country and i have am leaving tomorrow, so it’s going to be about 2 weeks or more of us being apart… well that and also little misconceptions that have have grandiosely blown into other things… basically, u know how couples just argue over small things that are based on their assumptions and then when they talk they realise ohh man, it was actually not what i thought - yet that thinking was just in their mind and not true… anyway, so i have been refering to the verse in 13 corinthi.ans about love and each time it reminds me sooo much of what my priorities are and what is being spiritual if you don;t have love… so yeah anyway the verse has been my source of calmness and wisdom and i totally love it. So am also going to be thinking of incorporating it into my daily life and my r/ship nt just with him bt with all…
So i’ll listen to alot of my spiritual audio books and just return home - where things make sense and are just beautiful…

Wow, so it’s been a hot min, right? i’ve been good… alot going on in my life, work, fam… all good stuff though… hence why i haven’t had time to blog. I won’t be long, just glad my plan got approved, i will be traveling to see le vieux for 2 wks … should be fun! When i rtn, i will start doing alot of field work. Am trying to get back to working out… hopefully i can stick to it…

Peace

Yoooo… u know the way i’d been sooo unbusy and blogging 2x/3x a day??! oh well, now things have changed… am very busy and could have described my state few days ago as swamped, so can’t complain… things at work are going gr8 man, been working on reports, proposals etc… it’s quite nice, ya know?? I don’t have anything else to say… so peace

look here hater, i know you soo well and i know if i keep my thought fixated on you, i’ll not get any happiness… so here’s the deal, i know am freaked because things are going my way workwise, but i know all i need is time and i will be back to normal. So here’s the deal, i am not going to worry and think too much about you… all i’ll do is just ignore you and wait! Basically, the reason for this is bse my M&E stuff has been on hold, basically, we haven’t had another chat and i haven’t gotten feedback… yesterday i re-edited the plan and emailed it to him, but i keep getting these insecure thoughts, that he might not be happy with what i did… and then ofcourse there’s the proposal we’re doing for more funding basically the boss asked me to do updates of jan and feb since the guys of NY have all the others except the last 2 months, so i did few bullet points of updates and emailed them to him. He didn’t mention a word until this morning i get a forward from him with an email from K (of NY) our director there basically attaching last year’s proposal and no message! so what am i supposed to do with it? just wondering…
Well, i guess we just going to have to talk…
****************************
LOL… ok, just scratch all that, he’s apparently sent me something else which is taking forever to open on outlook… and he also mentioned that he saw my M&E plan and he thinks it’s good, so we’ll discuss about it when he comes back…
so the deal is, i mean, if he’s giving such a hefty task of compiling a proposal for over US $222,000 , then it simply means he believes i can do it, you don’t just give anyone such! So yeah, let me be humbled and accept this task with glee seeing as i’ve been asking for more challenging stuff, so now can you say challenging?!! LOL.. u get what you ask for… so here it is, i shall just accept and be thankful and hopeful too… am sure i can pull this off… PEACE!

Dear stomach,

Please listen to me and do so very carefully… you seem rather upset today and i think i might have contributed to this - yes, i think it was that horrible mo.za.rella and toma.to i had for starters last night! Ofcourse there’s a reason for this, i though the cheese would come melted on the tomato and be all warm and cheesy, but it came all cold and rock solid…it was slightly gross, but you my dear decided that it’s ok to continue and so i did!
Hmm… so now, i get to work this morning and u start bugging me and i thought a hot drink would do the trick, but it didn’t… i had 2 cups of hot choc and i felt better at first, but then towards lunch i started feeling gross-ish! then i went to the loo and nothing came out, i still felt bad… then, u continued to bug me and i threw up… u almost drove me nuts to the point of taking the afternoon off, but i hesitated, partly because i took the day off on friday and can’t do 2 days in a row!
But now, i have decided that the pain and all this crap might actually be in my mind… it might actually get to go away… so here i am writing to you, to say i know u’re pissed, but please give me a break right now, let this go just this now… i will be good and nice to you and even go to the gym soon to firm up just for your si.x packs to re-appear!

Peace be IN you!

Who would have known that i would be this faithful to blogging this week seeing as i was more than positive i’d have my hands full this week… anyhow, so the convo with the le boss but still haven’t - can you say majorly pre-occup this week? It’s unbelievable! Anyhow, so i just finished editing the M&E plan and hadn’t noticed how crappy the wording was until this morning when i decided to review it. So i did and re-sent it to the boss… whatever the case b4 this week ends am hoping to have had a word with him and let’s see how that goes. Am thinking we might have to hire an extra person seeing as i might not be able to do it all alone and preferably that person will be experience in M&E. The way i visualize the plan is that we’d do quarterly eval of indiv HCs in all districts and we’ll use the tool that was developed i.e. fill in Y/N where relevant and then after we’d analyse (though i have no clear idea how that will be done, it’s a bit vague to me at the moment… whatever the case, we’ll compile a report am picturing to have alot of numbers and tables mainly visual and this will be presented at the quarterly meeting, we have at the end of each 1/4. So i think what i need to start thinking about is some sort of mini work plan for M&E i.e. when these visits will be done… how long, which am hoping the pilot (if approved) will give us a good idea of how it takes to complete the evaluation in each HC… so we know how much time is needed b4 eval can start so it’s over by the end of the quarter? Or maybe we can do it at the end of the 1/4 i.e. we’ll ensure that it is work done in that 1/4 and maybe report it bi-annually? So it’s an ongoing all-yr-round job! Perhaps we could say do this eval of the previous 1/4 in the 1st month of the next 1/4… yeah so we’d have tangible results that this was achieved in the previous 1/4.. perhaps what can be done is that data from two 1/4s can be compiled and 1 report produced? Hmm.. something to think about! Hadn’t thought of it in that much depth… we’d basically do 4 evals and 2 reports/yr! The issue now is when these evals will happen… we could try conduct during the last month of each 1/4? Bse that way it gives a clear view of what happened in the 1/4… then we can try and submit this in time for the 1/4ly mtg? Hmmm…

Alot of details i know… anyway, so am having this lil drama going on in my life… married couple’s issues being dragged into me and mine’s life! It’s sad and also heartbreaking bse of all the false accusations being made to me and esp him! Dang! Anyhow, so am meeting the wifey 2moro, not sure for why for, whatever the case i know that i needn’t get more involved in this drama!
It’s the 3rd time am getting involved unwillingly into couples’ drama and lessons i’ve drawn are to stray from these drama sessions as much as you can and say nothing, if one party comes to you for your opinion… except if you’re REALLY REALLY tight, never reveal your honest opinion, remain as neutral as you possibly can! Try to take no sides and seem as optimistic and positive as you possibly can no matter how strongly u disagree! I know it’s a shame and i’d like to think that i’d like to be told the truth if i were in their shoes but this theory doesn’t seem to apply to evry1! Grrrhhh… i mean you let out your honest opinion and with nothing but purely good good intentions but somehow, this gets misinterpreted! So screw truth when it comes to this particular case, i know one thing for sure, i have learnt! Majorly.

Gag. The peeps i mentioned were coming to do a sort of internship with us came last nite, they seem ok but unsually calm for americans, pardon my stereotypical tendency here! But wow, i was amazed at their calmness.. i concluded they’re either repubs or have some british blood in them.. LOL… anyhow, they said they’d get me books from the US bse of all the help i’ve provided to them, LOL.. (don’t tell them i get paid monthly for doing my ‘job’) hahah! I am hoping to get the books today when they come to the office.

It’s mid day already! Let me get to shitbk and see what’s on there! Peace… meanwhile, i got a new bl.g on w.rd.pre.ss they got cooler templates on there man! wish i could relocate

Hello bloggie! how goes it? its a lovely morning and i am all sykt for tuesday! I haven’t had much to do this morning, clearly why am bloggin at 9 in the am. Oh well. I have my cup of black chai and my jacket on, so am all warm and ready to face the day.
There’s been some renovations being done in the office and right now, all i can smell is pain! varnish.. that stuff ain’t nice! It’s given me a slight headache… if u may ask, why don’t they just do this in the evenings when everyone’s gone home or on weekends… but oh no, u see just like us, they need to be home at 5PM and on weekends, LOL… this stuff isn’t even hilarious. Right, what to do?

My current state of mind:

I still haven’t spoken with the le boss yet, i am starting to practise patience again! I will relax and it will come to me… no stress, i will embrace no having my hands full all the time, bse i know very well that when work comes, it comes with full force! Donc, ca va!
Okie, i have been saying i need to get back into my exercise routine and i am totally planning to do so ASAP! We get paid this week.. 1st am buying my lil kiddum new school uniform, then a month’s supply of juice for them to take to school and perhaps some notebooks… not sure yet!
Am also planning to start hitting the gym… but then again, since i got a good supply of bi.l.ly b.a.nks - why bother? But i found this gym much closer to my place and it’s quite affordable, so am seriously considering joining it! Also, am going into the health eating lifestyle again, not that i’ve been bad since i have strictly vegetarian lunches when am at work! So i need to learn to not over indulge when am eating out!
Do, i have to go to the airport this evening to pick up a visiting fellow from pfi.zer who i mentioned probly in my previous posts… ofcourse this doesn’t thrill me much, but it’s work dammit! Not that it’s part of my job description, but there’s a damn phrase on my contract that says ‘and any other duties as assigned by your supervisor’ like what kind of shit ass phrase is that… so if am told to go clean a toilet by my boss, i should do?! Ohh man, workers union!! we need one of those to protect workers like us with certain shitty phrases in our contracts… dang!
I finished gei.sha and on to Mock.ing Bi.rd! I hope to read MB at work and the new shiny book mentioned before!
I miss pasting pics to clearly illustrate my state of mind as i post! So let me get.t.y ima.ge this itch up! LOL…
Am seriously thinking about braiding and doings a masters… now that a close friend started hers, am like damn it’s doable… but 1st let’s get the experience on now, shall we! So maybe in a year or 2… i know it shall be done and i will return to school when i absolutely have missed it and have learnt alot and gotten more sensible!
U know what i miss? i miss doughnuts from gr.eggs! I miss as.da ice cream.. i miss a nice cup of hot choc and i miss the feeling of staying at home on a week day and laying in front of the TV (cable) and chillaxin! I miss that itch man! I miss going away on a long weekend, ordering room service, having a long warm bath! Swimming on a sunny afternoon… just being ummmm lazy! LOL… i know! I miss sooo much shit, am thinking maybe i should get away this weekend.. go somewhere fancy and enjoy myself! Btw, he finally called and apologised for being so sillly! Ofcourse i forgave him and now we cool buddies! so yeah, it happens!
Some freakin asshole dude who works at the project we share the office building with just walked in… he’s soooo annoying, he gave some stalker my digits and the dude has been um basically stalking me! Ahhhrggg, bt it’s nothing serious, just that it’s slightly unusual to get a text from someone u dont know… wishing u a nice day, i mean it’s cute but creepy @ the same time.. so yeah, the shithole dude i mentioned is also a perv in my view bse of the way he stares at chics and he thinks he’s smooth and i can almost picture that all his convos are about punan.i! Shit head!
Oh man, that’s too much cursing for nice morning like this, but i care not!
Maybe i should publish this or maybe i should click on another tab, check out shitbook, LOL… aka fc.bk! Hollie… i miss burgers and chips!! seriously i miss a nice plate of freshly made fries and some ketchup and bit of mayo! lalala!
We’ve got alot white folks at work, who if u ask me, do fuck all! Just smile and talk in their loud and cheap accents and are everywhere and try to look busy! Goooseness… wots that all about?! man! I wish i could be in eng.lan.d this very second… so many places i would go to, few people i’d visit! I miss light green grapes! the fresh organic ones rock all! It’s only 10:09, i wonder when lunch break shall arrive… i also wonder if the meeting my boss is attending today shall perhaps delay until 1 PM… ? I wonder too when the next UB is coming out and when i shall ever lay my hands on lip.stic.k jun.gle! I miss Pizza… lawd, do i only talk about food?/! oh man, who cares anyway! it’s my blog hoe! LOL
wow, just what i needed, i just spilt some tea on my top! wowza. Am out of here itch!

I have waited and waited and waited for 5PM to arrive… but buoy has it taken its lovely time…. arrggghhh, i have really been very useless all afternoon… the boss still hasn’t called me in yet! It’s not funny… so then another day of no serious work.. argrgggghhh, of course this isn’t my fault seeing as am very willing to do work if only i can be given some! What kills me is that i feel guilty! Ayaya… then its raining too…. oh man! It’s only 4:45 right now… so 15 more mins… ok let me browse other sites and be back… i shall post this up at 5 sharp! ok, brb.
Am back, it’s still just 4:46… i just had a sweet from the 2 yr old party i went to over the wkd! i was given a pack of toffee to take home with me as a thank u gift from the birthday girl’s mum… how kind! Bon, its raining and i can smell the sweet smell of raining hitting sand…. if that makes sense!
I can hear my colleague screaming on the fone, he talks quite slow and i think u need a lot of patience to get him, OMG u will not believe what he just said! He’s saying he emailed someone something and they didn’t get it and he’s suggesting that they check ’spam’ but he added and s meaning spams…. LOL and he repeated himself like 4 times, LOLLL i have laughed!!
It’s 4:49 and i am thinking of how i’ll get home, change, grab a hot drink and my read to cheer me up… oh wow! Am going to have a ball.. ok so there was a meeting in the boss’office that i was praying would end after 5 so i don’t have to say gdbye… bt it just ended and its only 4:50… grrhhh, so that means i might be called in, which means i might have to go home not at 5 sharp! Arggghhh… work, work! So it’s 4:51 and i haven’t been called in… hopefully i won’t bse to be honest, i’d rather just settle this 2moro morning when am all fresh and un distracted!! I’ll brb… let me kill time by checking other sites =) ok, it’s 4:52 now and still no sign… hahaha, so there’s this whi.te chic at the office who reckons she’s deev as in sometimes she says hi and others she snobs… fuk as if! Who’s bothered?
4:56 PM - still not 5PM yet! ahhhrhggghhhhhh this isn’t nice! Gag! Gag.
4:57 PM - oh man… the deev just walked into the boss’office and in her loud american voice is disturbing the peace of the whole office!
4:58 PM - a car just entered and is making some loud noise… ahhhrh! Hmmm
4:59 PM - deep breath.. someone just entered the office to print! Silence and noise
5:00 PM - now am feeling bad about leaving at 5 sharp… ahhhrggg
yes there another meeting, but still! ohhh man
5:01 PM - let me wait for someone to leave 1st! i shall sneak out.

i sit here on my desk with a 1.5 bottle of water, my star.bucks cup and loads of pens and other office stationery in it… uh huh. So now, am waiting for my boss to call me and we can run through the annual report together… he seems to have had alot on his mind lately seeing as i submitted this report - which mind u is the 2007 annual report and it’s almost March 2008… anyhow, he knows the urgency of this and him taking his time with it says something. I have been reading How.t.o.k.i..ll.a.mock.in.g.bir.d and i’m past half way. It’s quite interesting, not necessarily one of my favs, but it’s def hilarious and i am curious to find out what the whole fuss about classics is all about… so yeah, let’s see if am swept off my feet by the time am done. At work, things have been quite slow.. i have been waiting to get feedback from the rest of the team regarding the M.&E plan we developed… but nada! Folks are slow at replying to emails… so am sort of on hold with that… though i’d very much love to get it started du.de! Anyway, slowly slowly.. am planning to throw that into the convo i have with the boss later on today… cause i’d really like to start going into the field and get some concrete and challenging work on! Like seriously!
I started the new shiny book of mine entitled ea.t.pr.ay.love … it’s quite interesting so far… am only just started that’s because i left my gei.sha book in his car on friday nite and didn’t have it until sunday which was the next time i saw him… hence, i had to start reading something else and since mocki.ng.bir.d is an e-bo.ook i didn’t have the head to turn on the comp etc etc.. so yeah, it’s quite alrite u know? Hopefully i’ll have finished those other 2 by the end of the week and i can focus solely on my shiny new bookie!
I have been thinking alot about me… all the things i need to start focusing on… i know this isn’t the 1st time am saying this, but who’s asking anyway…. right, so i have been thinking about when am going for my post.gra.d where and when and how? also am thinking about braiding my hair… now i have had alot of hair drama over the past few months, i’ve CHOPPED, grown, retouched, trimmed.. u name it and i still haven’t gotten to the stage where i feel right, i think i can live with this look for a min..nah’m.ean? Lately i am leaning towards a short even hair cut that i can wash every morning and not comb…. which is veyr typical of me, seeing as i never quite got my girlieness on… so i think i’ll do that, but then now the issue is that my hair is cut in a bob at the mo and isn’t even… the sides are much shorter than the length i’d like it all to be when i cut it… so that calls for braiding bse that’s the only way i can get to cut it and probably have this do for a while.. but then again, with my sis wedding around the corner, am thinking short hair and nice fancy dress = not too nice! So i don’t know… and how is nice defined anyway??!! need to have my short afr.o do on… that’s whatsup! Ahuh… so i dont know really… am just going to see how i feel… am also planning to paint my nails a dark colour… i have really short nails… stopped growing them a while back… and i think short nails with a dark colour on looks hot! So i am basically thinking of doing that…. just one slight prob though… bo.o doesn’t like that! Braids or dark nail colour! Ahhh, it’s not that serious he’ll get over it… it’s not a major thing to piss him off, right? right. So let’s see.
My back aches for some weird reason may have something to do with the way i’ve been sat for the past hours… ahhhhh… the internet’s been on and off.. that’s annoying… i want those jack nichol.so.n shades dude! am dying for me… ohhhh did i forget to mention how am such a good driver nowadays? only prob is the car is being taken back since the owner who’d been away for 2 wks is coming home 2nite! Alas.
It’s 3:02 PM only, when shall 5PM arrive? Am bored, the boss still hasn’t called me in, haven’t got anything that needs my attention… ohhh did i mention that there’s the super big boss from pf.i.zer coming 2moro and will be doing a sort of fellowship with us… now this guy has been calling us since october last year… he even attempted to schedule a weekly phonecall with my boss to get updated on our work and well acquainted with it b4 he arrives… can u say seriousness!! he seems to be really good with time management. He’s coming 2moro with his wife (how cute) and he’s promised to bring me loads of books and a thank u for all the work i have been doing to facilitate their coming here avec plaisir! Can’t wait to see the books and read em!
I went out on friday and didn’t get back home until 4 am… it has been a long time since i pulled such… but i had a massive night, went to like 4 places… had a massive time for real! It was kinda nice =) and hella cool! LOL
Alright… i just got a call from an old ‘uncle’ of mine who i grew up with of sorts and who my folks had gone to visit when i was given birth to… so he never stops saying how he knew me when i was this tiny etc etc… anyway he called to say hi, which made me feel embarrased bse i don’t do that! Anyhow, shit happens.
Plans to start working out again are on… probly start with March so i have all of this week to eat like mad and sleep till late… but come march…. am gonna be doing alot of Bill.y ba.nks at 6AM! Am dead serious…
it’s only 3:08 now.. i should probably wrap up and keep surfing the net till am called into the boss’s crib which should be any min now
Am out!

P.S boo and i aren’t talking… he’s decided to snob me and so have i… let’s see who the softy will be… i know we don’t usually do this, but then i tried to break the ice last evening b4 things got bad but he shunned me and so am not going to make any further re conciliating moves… nope, ain’t got the head for that! why must i always be the one… not today homie.. ain’t happening!

Been a while I know, ummm… let’s see I’ve been rather busy this past week… had a lot to complete at work… but alas, it’s all done and right now… am reading my book in bits for fear of being caught reading a novel at work!! Ya know? Right, so I completed the M&E plan u remember I mentioned earlier… yeah, M&E my baby… so it’s now been submitted to the team for their comments and then we can commence M&E’ing… cannot wait! Ofcourse this means I’ll need to be on the field a lot, but I know I am gaining something from this and I got to make the most of it… ohh also, I was working on our annual report which we’re looking to send to the ministry of health… so yeah, that was done too, still waiting for comments from the boss…
Home’s been alrite, mum is away on holiday and this past week was kinda’rough seeing as the maid had left, so finding another etc was a hussle but we got one last night and ummm.. yeah, it’s all fine now, but b4 she came, I had to do cleaning of the house, supervise cooking… because the gate man, helped me a bit with the cooking and my cousin who lives with us  So yeah, my sis returned from her trip and got me choc choc, a book  couldn’t be happier…
Ohhh, yesterday we had a mtg, the 1st mtg of our organization since a long long time, a yr ago to be exact… so it was nice, we seem to be on the same page and have an idea of what we want to get done and when… we also gained another member… so it’s quite nice, I have few tasks to get done b4 we meet next!

Now the most exciting bit…. I re-started READING!! And boy am I loving it! I totally hadn’t realized how much i’d missed it… I started last weekend, when my 1 was out of the country and due to lack of proggie, I decided to start reading Ma.ya An.ge.lou’s I.know.why.t.he.ca.ged.bi.r.d.sin.gs… it’s such a good book… so I got hooked on that and finished it last week… then I started downl.oad.ing a number of classics and started reading how.to.ki.ll.a.moc.king.bi.rd … it’s a funny and interesting book… I love how it reminds me so much of my own childhood and all the silly things that go on in kids’ minds… so i was halfway reading that when on Friday on my way home, I realized I’d left it in the office… I was in a cab and not driving myself so I couldn’t go back for it! Grrhhh… so I got home and remembered I’d bought ‘memoir.s of. A.gei.sha’ back in 2006 and never got to read it… I rmbr glancing through it and upon finding it was in tiny characters and about 400 pages thick, I chilled. So yeah, I started reading it, and to my surprise, it’s Monday and am halfway… it’s a sad novel, but novelist tells the story very well and with a lot of description… it’s japane.se culture and totally diff from mine, but am loving the little bit I can relate to… I mean we might be ocean.s ap.art but there’s still few similarities of Sayu.ri’s stories of growing up that I can relate to!

The thing I like the most about reading is that I get so engrossed in people’s lives and ofcourse seeing as am in a constant self-questioning phase at the mo, I can see that am not so different from other people… we’re all somehow the same, we have similar thoughts and got through similar experiences, it’s somewhat consoling (for lack of a milder word) but yeah, It makes me realize so much that I would never do without reading… so am especially liking non-fiction novels.. I want real life stories… also, with all the revelation reading is giving me, am finding myself much more comfy hanging out with different people etc… u might not get what I mean, but am serious..! So I look at few top 100 reads of .a..ll. ti.me from go.o.gle and read novel reviews and download them…. Lol… can’t wait to set up my own library… so far I have like 20 more novels waiting to be read by my humble self…. Laalallalala! Am particularly looking forward to reading one on the biafr.a war and also Ann.a Kare.nin.a! Then I have few autobiographies e.g Mal.col.m X’s and few To.ni Mo.rr.ison novels…. Yippee… am loving this new habit, it’s one just like sports I totally donot mind getting addicted to!

Okie, so we donot have elec in the office at the mo and I am typing this on word…I feel so tempted to get out my gei.sha novel… but let me hold myself… lol… it’ll be lunch break in little under an hour…

Everything else has been going well, the new girl at the office is learning very quickly and am slowly handing over most of the stuff I’ve mastered and gladly moving on the newer pastures e.g my M&E ish… loving it!

Oh also, my mum’s business has started off well, we got a job with one of the biggest company in the country… things are totally looking up and I am trying to think most of which I am creating… ahhhh how could I forget, am seriously getting my driving on now… actually got to stay with mum’s car while she’s away, so I drive myself to work now and back home, it’s coooool, I love it! Oh and the freedom of not relying on people for rides and cab drivers with their perpetual lateness… beautiful thang I tell ya!

Ohh, I heard from a former housemate this morning, she’s a star… she was telling me all she’s been up to and it’s a lot of exciting stuff like 6 months in Tibet learning Buddhist philosophy…and doing mediation etc… and the thing that struck me the most and brought a smile to my face was that she said she still does a lot of tree climbing in the park and dancing… so simple!  nice!!! I like her free spirit and lifestyle… bless her!

Imma stop here y’all and hit the X thing on the top right of my screen… Blessings y’all x

honestly that’s what am craving for right now… i want the chicken too but i absolutely love their biscuits…. i want me some right this minute. Ahhhrgggghhhh

Anyhow, its a friday… hoooray. I am ofcourse as you can imagine thrilled at the idea of a weekend. I am going to post a rather random post today…

i am craving for anything oily… yet i have a big mug of hot water in front of me, i hear it’s for detoxing… i had serious food poisoning and am still trying to regain an appetite…

i want crisps… i want nice chips like the ones from fido dido with alot of ketchup and a bit of mayo too…

my tummy hurts

i am cutting my hair again… even shorter… it’ll look like La.toya Lon.don’s

can’t wait to start rocking that look oncemore

i hope they bring bi.toki.s for lunch today

why am i still not sure about what i am wearing at my sister’s wedding?

i want to travel… i want to go back on leave

i miss S.A…

i would like to something salty to eat right now

******* am boring myself….**** have to go now.

Peace & Maloves

This is going to be a short post, just passing by… it’s the 7th of January, ALREADY! Time went so fast, but am glad to be back at the office and back to ‘normal’ life… i had a wonderful time in S.A - Jo’burg is a lovely city, very very nice! I will drop details here and there when i get time to write a longer post. I am just extremely thankful to God for yet another year and all the many blessings He keeps showering down on me…

This year i am looking to do alot of BREATHING and GROW HIGH…

Unity, Love & Peace

1) moment to reflect on the current happenings in Kenya! God please deliver your children and teach them that non-voilence is the only way out! RIP all those who lost their lives fighting for what they believed is right.

2) RIP Benazir Bhutto - I admired your strength, femininity & courage - i pray for your family and your country - may peace be restored in Pakistan

It’s my last day at work this year!! That’s right am off until the 7th Jan ‘08… my friend (lol, thats my newly adapted word) am ofcourse very happy about that. It’s only 11:36AM and i feel like it’s been that time for the past 4 hours…. jeeezzz, i know i am being a bit inpatient, but my friend can it atleast be 1PM? so i can have my lunch break? hehhehe… ok, nuff of the whining… moving on.
Right, so christmas is in less than a week’s time and well let’s just say there really isn’t much fuss my side. I know there’ll be alot of cooking at home and really good food going around for days… which ofcourse will disturb my healthy eating routine i’ve had on for a bit.. but who cares right? Christmas comes once a year, i think i can manage to indulge! Ohh exciting news, i am heading to S.A!!! YAYYYY… am sooo happy and really looking forward to things people who donot live in very developed countries take for granted, like shopping malls, eating out, cinema.. wow. Super nice.
My plans for next year are to:
- get more involved at work
- develop a new addiction called curiosity
- read more
- laugh more
- healthy lifestyle
- get closer to my mum
- be more understanding
- live more consciously

Okie, i believe i should stop here! Few things i think i accomplished this year that i am proud of include being much much more conscious about my thoughts, decisions, people who i surround myself with, being true to myself and doing things that please me 1st then others… oh yeah, work too, i got about 3 steps from where i was this time last year which is definately complimenting my confidence and hopefully this time in 2008 i will be another 3-5 steps ahead

So coming all the way from Livin’A conscious life… HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Imagine that… i actually am the only one in the office and it’s only 11:31 AM. My boss and like 5 other colleagues travelled out of the country for a dissemination meeting. The other guys who stayed are out in town… working.
Anyhow, i can’t complain especially since i have NO pending work… so i’m just gonna surf and blog. Last nite i.e. the hen night, went very well… the bride(s) were very happy esp D. She was going down and getting her rock on. It was very very nice, calm and just good fun. I loved it. Plus i think i looked good, i finally got to launch my 1year old red peep-toe sandals!! They were yum yum. I left at around midnite because i had work today…!! Had been on a friday, i would have stayed till alte esp since they were looking to even go out clubbing. Damn. Anyhooo, i went to the re-opening of a club with me boo on our way home since he picked me from the party. It was fine, the place def looks nice and well re-done.
Ok, so few drops of what’s going on… the traditional wedding is 2moro for my girl D, we’re serving, grrrhhh but hey, it’s gotta be done. I think i might be ‘leaving’ 2nite, seeing as the place it’ll be at is like 2 hrs away and we need to be there early 2moro morning. So yeah, i’ll leave 2nite via yeah. heehhehe. Then, might have to spend the night there 2moro as well and come back sunday and head straight to the planning workshop on sunday… freaking guys at work who don’t respect people’s weekends… anyhow let me shushhh and be grateful i am attending i know if i wasn’t invited i would be hating. Right.
So i’ll be out of town for that plannning workshop till tuesday… then sato i have my uncle’s wedding, where i have to….DRUM ROLLS…. serve again!!! That’s totally fine, i shall complain not. Oh then the wkd after is D’s wedding then i might roll to S.A. on sunday if all stays according to plan…if not it’ll be new year’s and the party shall continue!!
I am honestly looking forward to all these plans…. it’s so exciting
Hmmmmm…. can’t think of anything else to blog about besides that i am sooooo tired since i slept late last nite… wen to bed at almost 2PM was up by 6:30AM and here i am at work. But i guess it’s a good thing i have not much to work on other if today was as crazy as my mondays/tuesdays are… lawd have mercy! I have cramps too, but i took some tylenol so hopefully i shall be fine.
Okie, incase i donot blog again today which is actually quite unlikely, have a great friday y’all!!

I am happy for not much in particular. I know it’s 5:02PM and i should be heading home any sec now, i know i have a bachelorette (for the chic who am bridesmaiding 4) party tonite which might end up in us going to check out the newly renovated club… yes its a thursday, i have a blue shirt on and i have already figured out my outfit in my head… am thinking white crisp H&M shirt, red waist belt, cute red beads, skinny dark blue jeans and probly my black heels or red ones… but probly black… hate overdoing the matching colour thing. Wanna pull off a mohawk… dont ask me how. I might be traveling for New Years, i figured last night it might be kinda nice… hehehe…. oh am braiding soon, for the wedding (mentioned above where i’ll be a maid) we have to have braids…. seeing as i have a short anita baker look going on…. yeah, what else. Some dude at work is rocking a suit today, i dont know why i find very very few guys smart in a suit… u gotta have the body ma’ men… if not find a nicely perfectly fitting one! Ay. But ofcourse my boo is one of those who rock a suit straightforwadly. Whatever that means. I am sooo excited about going out on a thursday, am actually looking forward to this party… i am very rarely syked for such… but hey. Anyhooo… let wrap up it’s 5:08PM… ding dong.

Peaceeeeeeee

Wow, i have had one heck of a week… one of holding things in, mini self-conflicts, and so many other silly things that have been occupying my mind and clogging the flow of spirituality from entering my system… it’s been baaahhh… yuk! Don’t want to go into details, since i documented it privately. Okie, so now moving on.
I am feeling soooooo relieved and free from all the clogging… i have learnt so much this past week and surely i know that is somewhere i donot want to return to… ah ah.
Ahem. So it is finally friday, i am going to concert with my girlies… its a soulful jazzy type music group - which is like my ideal kind of music… mean to the while, jill scott’s latest album is insanely beautifully sexy! I lovoooooooz it! It’s hot man.
Right so am looking forward to dressing up tonite… actually am thinking heels, some makeup, fancy top and sexy skinny jeans…. i need to look good! heehhe… it’s been a while since i went out and right now am feeling it. So yeah, after it i hear there’s going to be a party, which i am somewhat skeptical about, not sure how that’ll be. But hey, let’s check it out… am even thinking we should hit the clubs and parttyyy and booogie!! So then, on sato i am looking to sort out my wardrobe which has been crying for help seeing as now when i am looking for something is kind of hectic!! Okie, i also need to go to the salon, probly fix my nails too… am feeling like a real woman today, LOL.
Ok, am scaring myself now with this post, let me stop here!

Peace out and lovely weekend guys!

Hello there, it has been a while and i am glad to be back here! Alas, it’s December already i.e. last month of the year! I am tempted to say the year has gone really fast, but i choose not to because when i actually THINK about it and all the happenings this year, i realise, hey January was quite a long time ago! It’s about time the year ended you know?! Alot has happened this year and there’s quite a significant amount of things i am proud to have achieved especially what i’ll like to call divine knowledge! Anyway, let me stop seeing as i hadn’t planned on blogging on that and will devote a whole other post to that!
Right, so what have i been up to of late… well
Work wise: we managed to finish the M&E plan and right now a colleague who’d been out of town is reviewing it, he’s got some experience in the area and i believe i will learn a great deal from him. So we’re gonna be working on it together - oh also we’re recruiting someone who i believe will be doing alot of the work am involved in right now so i can concentrate MAINLY on M&E…n the deadline for applications is this friday, which means am loving it!

R/ship: things are great, honestly i feel i donot fully COMPREHEND the level of gratitude i have for God sending me such a wonderful partner, this man doesn’t stop amazing me… so basically what happened was for the last week or so he’s been busy and so i was sort of not getting as much attention as my leo-self craves for, so i sort of disconnected a bit, not that we weren’t talking or anything, we actually were but i just sort of wasn’t there mentally (which is a horrible thing i shouldn’t repeat ever) anyway so this weekend he called me and we met and had a chat about it, he’d noticed and was getting worried, so yeah we talked about other small but crucial things that people in r/ships often take for granted or don’t think much into and i love that he sees these things and warns me, he seems to be sooo cautious about us and really doesn’t want to screw up anything esp unconciously! I am planning something nice sometime this week

Fam: Things are generally great, though i have just remembered i need to email my dad and check on him! Mums is fine, we clicking much better over time, ofcourse occasionally i snap and loose it, but i am aware of it and seriously working hard on it. Bro is ok, still job hunting and God i pray he gets something God over time, i am scared the joblessness might be doing something to him esp seeing everyone go out to work each morning except him! But i believe something great will come up! Amen. Sis is fine, still her busy successful woman self… love her to bits and i keep finding more and more things about her i simply adore, i think the purpose for this is for me to learn from her and be more like her

Friends: Ummm this section of late there’s not been much going on, except that i keep questioning myself for not clicking as much with some of my old friends, yes i know we grown and take diff paths but i guess that has made our realities now differ! So it’s not the same, ofcourse we cool and all but i think i demand more in a friendship, bonding! I guess i just need to open up more to the idea of people changing over time including myself and ofcourse i know God will bring people who share common interests as me into my life

Colleagues: Right, should i even include this, LOL as far as i know i just walk into the office, talk to these guys when necessary and then check out, lol. Ok let me not be mean, i guess am getting to understand them better, just that Mich one of the dudes here i have been seeing some patronising tendencies which i am disliking, but Yvonne is a cool woman, i guess i need to give her more credit in terms of her being genuinely nice! The others are ok, my boss ofcourse is still greatly a wonderful person to work with!

Ok i’ll stop her and get back to work now! I will blog soon.

Peace>>

it’s wednesday already and boy am i happy! That means tommorow is thursday i.e. the day b4 friday… friday i.e. TGIF! Cést grave i tell u! My week’s gone well so far, i handed in my M&E draft thingy with the indicators and all, we’re planning to go to the field tomorrow and i guess then i’ll start rolling out the M&E plan i developed, i am sooooo happy, excited, i feel like i am doing something that’s needed and important. Most importantly i am learning as i go and this is an experience that i will be able to apply to any part of my future career plans. It’s BEAUTIFUL. I love it. A’s gone out of the country for work for a week and will be back on friday, i am looking forward to that. Ohh and we have this funny plot for the 24th of this month, there’s a going to be a sort of group therapy thingy called talk and tea…LOL, kinda unsual for my setting but we’re going to all check it, it could be interesting and funny. So why not??!! Uh huh. Yeahh, i am on ep. 7 of UB which i am absolutely loving, it looks like it might get very interesting from now on… i can’t wait to check out ep. 9!! Also on DH, things seem to be steaming up… it lalatiful!!
Also, i am going strong with my healthy lifestyle, i have been working out and eating healthy for 3 days in a row now, just hope i maintain the momentum.
Okie, it’s only half 8AM i think i should get back to doing some serious work. I might blog later on today, but somehow i feel i might need to re-read my posts sometime before the week ends especially my PD blogs… i need some sort or revival for the weekend, i have been having a few hunches and instinctive ish going on, on my mind. I’m out for the mo.
Lerrra!!!

I am too embarrassed to re-read the posts i wrote on friday… i spent all beautiful friday being mad for no apparent reason… hehhheeh. Right after work, i changed… like that! I feel back, i know one of the points of this blog was for me to go thru my past posts and reflect - but posts like those 2 i am beyond embarrassed to have even written talk less of re-reading! Okie, so it’s monday - work is going well, i have started PC management - i am not very thrilled but hey, its gotta be done and while i am still working for others - i have to do what they want me to do. N’est pas? Ah oui, i might be going swimming with the girls tomorrow after work - i am sooo looking forward to that!!! That’s definately one habit i wouldn’t mind becoming addicted to… Few randoms on mind:

- What did A’s dream about me being dead mean?
- when is our decorder getting fixed… i am tooo bored when i am home - maybe the reason for this is for me to find a new addiction e.g. exercising!
- when am i going to finish up my M&E summary?
- i miss A soooo much!! 3 more full days till he’s back!
- I feel soooo positive that i am going to master M&E and really excel in it
- I feel like that’s it… it’s what i have always wanted to know - just wasn’t aware
- Is my bro’s internship gonna give him serious experience
- when’s my mum ever going to stop challenging my path towards living consciously?

Ok, i have to get back to work - so let me stop here.

To me, living consciously should also involve being healthy - so i have decided to start living healthy i.e. working out regularly and eating healthy. I am looking to make this a habit and won’t set a deadline. I would also like to loose a bit of weight and at least get to 59Kgs, i am not so far away need to loose about 6kgs to get there - my daily routine will include 1 litre of water, 1 pint of milk, cereal and 20 mins exercise. This time around i hope i stick to the plan.
I am also planning write my daily experiences in this healthy lifestyle i have decided to embark.

PEACE.

I just had an Aha! moment ala Oprah… well, i realised how i’ve been really being my own enemy today by consciously refusing to direct my thoughts to the positive! I was continually refusing to just think positive…
To be honest all morning it felt right - even half way thru this afternoon - it felt like i should just stay angry - but a few minutes ago, i found that being angry and throwing all those tantrums that will only come back to me via karma was really a useless choice because it still didn’t make me feel any happier - as a result therefore, i thought, hey why not just get over all the things that happened today, after all it is friday, it almost 4PM which means i got an hour left till freedom then i can enjoy doing my own things… and so, i went to the back of my journal where i wrote some notes while listening to what you really really really really want - by Wayne & Deepak and i was like hey - i can get what i really really want and i can also get what i really really dont want simply thru my thoughts. Then, i said to myself, ok then since i have pretty much gotten all the ‘really really dont want’ all day and last night - maybe it is time i moved on and started thinking about what i want atleast i know that will get me happiness and peace within - which dear friends, is why i am back on blogger, for the 3rd time today… and for once i feel a bit better because i am not focusing on what i don’t want, the dude who kinda drove me mad today, was teaching me a lesson on what i dont want, but from this moment onwards no matter what he does - shall focus on what i want which is LOVE, PEACE & HAPPINESS. It’s that simple to me. There are no buts, ifs etc… i choose to remain in my current state of mind and just enjoy the moment - there are way sooooo many things to celebrate in life for me to spend almost all day being angry for nothing majorly huge!

Ok, so i shall focus on these things and they should keep me going for a while i believe.

I send LOVE & HAPPINESS to everyone in the world.

Have a great weekend.

LOL… i hope this is my last post of the day - actually scrap that, i KNOW this is my last post of the day… so peace & light y’all, i am out!

It has been a while since i blogged, i know. I won’t lie that i have been caught up in alot because to be honest i haven’t been up to very much. I have been wanting to blog about my work for a while now and have been contemplating what i’d drop on here when i finally do. I finally think i got something to say.
So the way it is, is that i have been thinking a lot about what i am getting out of my job and whether or not it is in line with my future plans. Thing is i am still a bit unsure about what i want to do in the future…i know i want it to be something that impacts the community i.e. helps people positively. I want to do work that directly helps people in need hence my original plan of setting up an NGO that works either with women or children. Of late i have been thinking of something to do with education… because i look at how far it has gotten me, my friends, my parents and i know for sure that it is very very important! So yeah, i feel like that’s the kind of work i’d like to grow up doing i.e. i can see myself doing that when i’m 40! Right, so that’s pretty much my ultimate career plan and am thinking if that’s the plan, then i should be doing alot more work in my current job that prepares me for that. I need to learn how to manage an NGO, how to run it, manage people, building partnerships with other NGOs etc.
Right, so this all makes sense right, i mean my plan is to have a talk with my boss i.e. the director of the project to tell him i would like more responsibility and more work that is challenging. I would like to work more in the field and get serious hands on experience… this all seems to make sense but the challenge is that in the line of work we do, it’s mainly technical guys who go to the field i.e. to help with things like pharmaceutical management, financial management etc… and somehow i am not managing to get how i’ll fit into that… which sort of leaves me to only have to work with the guys here in the city office esp since i would rather not be going out of town no more.
So i have been wondering how i am going to fit in my work and the work i want to start doing along with my ultimate end plan i.e. setting up my own NGO. Hence why this is all about gaining experience i.e. what kind of experience do i want to gain?

Right, so let me try create a list:

EXPERIENCE IN GENERAL MANAGEMENT AND RUNNING OF AN NGO/PROJECT

1. Learn more about building partnerships
2. Learn about supervising work being done on the field

Grrrhhh.. this seems to be getting more complicated because realistically i am not sure how interesting this is… but then again, is it about interesting or not? It is not about me, it is more about what i am doing for the community and how i am working in my way towards making a difference…

3. Ok so generally grasping more about how a project is ran, participate in meetings that are held
4. Relationships with donors and how it all goes down
5. Writing reports, work plans etc… Actually, i was thinking i would very much like to understand more about how quarterly work plans are done, what do they base on?
6. Hmm, so this thought just popped into my mind about doing maybe a week or so in one of our intervention districts just grasping the general idea of the type of work we do on a day-day basis. What are the DHAs involved in? Hmmm.
7. I need to get more experience in working with district authorities, what the major procedures we have to follow are etc etc

I think i will stop for now. I will keep my thoughts on this new route i have decided i am taking also, i am thinking as soon we have this project communication thingy on the road and ready to go, i can have the chat with the boss i am hoping to do so by the end of this week.

I’m doing this.

Hmm. SO yeah, the big day is tomorrow. My sister is getting married and tomorrow is the 1st bit i.e. the traditional introduction (gusaba). I feel a bit nervous about it because its the first time it’s happening in our family, ofcourse am happy for her, but i just want things to go perfectly smoothly. I am in charge of quite a bit of things and i don’t know how i’ll cope but i am going to make sure it all goes well because this is my only sis we talking about here…!!! It has to go well… i shall not sit down all day tomorrow if that’s what it takes to ensure it goes well. So yeah, am all geared for it… got tylenol to sort me out just in case… proper ready for it. Just thought i’d blog about how am feeling the day before such a memorable day! I pray it doesn’t rain and that things work out just fine.

MY MANIFESTATION:

I seek to understand
I speak of we, I and I, us and our
I seek to glorify God
I seek to uplift others.
My focus is on the solution(s)
I offer gratitude and gives thanks in all things
I practice humility
I seek to be of service toward God and to others
I say “These things I do, you shall do and greater”
I know that what you give multiplies
I am moved by love
I stand in the light of truth
I am motivated by challenge
I am inspired by faith
I seek peaceful resolution
I seek to be used by God
I seek to unify
I know no limits
I am aligned with the omnipotence of God’s presence
I stand in the Majesty of Grace

THE MASTER VS. THE EGO
Copyright 2003 by Dr. Keefa Lorraine Weatherspoon

The Master seeks to understand
The ego seeks to be understood
The Master speaks of we, I and I, us and our
The ego speaks of me, my and mine
The Master seeks to glorify God
The ego seeks self-glorification
The Master seeks to uplift others.
The ego seeks self-importance
The Master’s focus is on the solution(s)
The ego’s focus is on the problem(s)
The Master offers gratitude and gives thanks in all things
The ego complains, often
The Master practices humility
The ego is boastful and arrogant
The Master seeks to be of service toward God and to others
The ego is self-serving
The Master says, “These things I do, you shall do and greater”
The ego says: “I’m special”
The Master knows that what you give multiplies
The ego counts its losses
The Master is moved by love
The ego is driven by fear
The Master stands in the light of truth
The ego cowers in the shadow of fear
The Master is motivated by challenge
The ego is paralyzed by opposition
The Master is inspired by faith
The ego is overcome with worry
The Master seeks peaceful resolutions
The ego seeks to attack and destroy
The Master seeks to be used by God
The ego seeks to use God
The Master seeks to unify
The ego seeks aloneness, separation and division
The Master knows no limits
The ego knows only lack
The Master is aligned with the omnipotence of God’s presence
The ego has no power
The Master stands in the Majesty of Grace
The ego cowers in the shadow of guilt.

It’s already mid october and i find myself wondering what i’ve achieved in 2007? Just got few questions from a website to get me thinking and they will be answered sometime in december…

1. What did I learn?
2. What did I accomplish?
3. What would I have done differently? Why?
4. What did I complete or release?
5. What were the three most significant events of the last year?
6. What did I do right?
7. What were the fun things I did? The not-so-fun?
8. What were my biggest challenges? How did I overcome them?
9. For what I am grateful?

ME: In my H&M knee length courdroy skirt, my flat black pumps form primark, a white shirt with tiny little black and gry strips from Primark and my H&M light grey jumper on top… MY DESK: a bottle of mineral water, a calendar, my green pen, 2 articles, a hole puncher, my black bangle, my motorola RED cell, my MAC lip balm, my bunch of keys, and alas my Dell laptop. MY OFFICE: an annoying fly that just doesn’t seem to want to leave - grrrrrhhh!
Heheheh, i am so bored as you can clearly tell - i did quite a bit today. Umm, the weekend was very fine, i feel like i rested quite a bit. We did the photo shoot for icon - gosh, we seem to have started! It went excellently well, my girls were around to help us, lawd knows how much we need those extra hands. Ummm, so saturday pretty much all day we were doing that..in the evening he came home and hung out with me, sis & mums… it was nice and chilled out… very cool as a matter of fact. Ummm, so yeah after that i went to bed quite late, i think few minutes past midnite, was on fcbk! LOL, just messing and lazing around, ya know how it is. Uh huh, so yeah sunday, i got up quite early… did a bit of TV - eastenders, tyra show, Big brother… ya know, things of the sort… it was nice… then i took a nap when elec went…was woken up by my cell, it was him calling, he wanted to go into town for coffee and to meet some of the models who helped…to thank them… didn’t manage to do so, but atleast i got my caramel drizzle, will hook up with the models this evening, hopefully.
So we hung out till around 7PM, i hurried to leave so i could make it in time for the sunday live eviction show at 7PM only to get home and find there was still no power! Lawd, times like this i wish i wasn’t in Africa…grrrh. Anyhow, so yeah.. i ended up just playing music for my little ones and singing along with them, luckily i could access the internet thru my GPRS and ummm, yeah my battery lasted for a good 2 hours and fin it died… just before mums & sis got home, so it was quite brilliant and ummm, not so bad after all. So i am just praying since it’s 4:49PM right now, that by the time i get home say in the next 30mins, i’ll find power back and i can watch the big bro recap at 7pm…i hope!!!!
Besides that i have been put in charge of organising a workshop that starts in 2 weeks, all the logistics etc are all on my name, so ummm…lets see how that goes. I am just not amused at the fact that i will spend 2 days w/o seeing my 1 since the workshop is taking place up freaking country….grrrrrhrhhhh, why do i have to go? i mean i can plan and all, but really why do i need to attend? anyhooow ummm, things are just ummm there.
LOL… i better leave now, i am honestly boring myself by right about now…to be honest.

1 more day till the weekend. I am so happy! Cannot wait to chill home all day just lazing around. Hmmm…it’s only 3PM…2 more hours till work ends, but it’s ok, i mean i guess that means only 2 more hours left to freedom. I just got back from lunch, i went into town to have lunch with the girls and it so happened there were like 5 other guys there, lol. Anyway, it was nice. Lunch was good…i ate! Half a plate of fries, ketchup and mayo it wasn’t bad.Took few pictures, it was nice… ok… tralalala, i dont know what to blog about. I actually wouldn’t mind some toffee ice cream….ahem, i shouldn’t be thinking that because today i am going to gym, been saying so since monday and it’s thursday man, this ain’t right or tight…lol, how cheeeky! Ohhh ok, let me stop here, boredom is tooo much!

ha, i seem to be back t blogobsession…lol, ok maybe obsession is too strong a word, but dang i was here only yesterday and here’s another entry! Hmm, interesting. Ok, this is mainly due to the slightly unproductive day i’ve had at work all afternoon….jus can be bovvadd…ya kna’mean???!! I am tireddd…i wanna go home, it’s sooooo hot this afternoon and am rocking a jumper (sleeveless) and yes i’m burning but damn, i feel like i looooks hot so damniit amm burrrnn mais stay hot! LOL. BOREDOMMMM….i was meant to meet A for lunch but he ditched me last minute…lol, not quite, he had to get his car from the garage and it took longer than he’d thought….and yes i know we are meant to meet this evening but still si lunch and evening too would have been nicer? LOL…am so lame, i have nuffin to blog about except that a certain friend of mine who i was meant to go visit this weekend, bse she’s going back ‘home’ next monday will burn/shoot me because i can’t make it any more, ofcourse this isn’t my choosing, it’s ofcourse a la cliche ‘circumstances far beyond my control’…donc, it’ll have to be another time! Ha, it’s 5PM….yipeeeeeeeeee!! Iz mean, outs of the office, n’ingoga cyane! Am overjoyed ofcourse…so now hopefully A is done now to come pick me up. Ahem. doubrriittt, that will be another ummm…20 mins minumum still sat on this fregggggin seat…..grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhh, but lawd, can i not relax and focus on the positive things in my life like i did yesterday…i am meant to return to my spiritual path asap…so ummmm, vuba se!!
OK, i am choosing to not have any negative thoughts all evening today and to keep in mind all thats been going down UP in my life, stay positive and shine!!
Seee…..keeping a positive mind helps, just spoke to A and he’s coming to get me right now, LOLLL….am goingggg LOL….negativity again…ahhhrrrggggghhhh! Am out.
Tranquility xx

So i get to work this morning, my boss calls me into his office and tells me how he’s sooo impressed with my work and how hardworking i am etc and goes, i would like to give you a raise!! Can u believe that??? I am getting quite a significant amount added, so clearly am more than overjoyed!! This is soooo beautiful, i work in the best place ever, my boss rocks….wow, i can soooo see myself working here five years from now….!! WOOOWWWW! Beautiful, beautiful! Somehow, i think i deserve this, because i have been putting in alot into my job and now this raise is only going to make me more motivated, i’ll put my heart into it and woww…it can only get better from now….THANK YOU FATHER! Lord, you just keep showering down your love on me even times when i least expect it, i know it’s a sign your sending to me and i owe you big time! Thank you sooo much!!

I lost a close friend of a friend…very sad! I know the girl, she was only 21yrs! Can u believe that? Yah. Tooooo tragic. It really shuck alot of people includ. me…it’s funny how short life can be! I feel awful about the way she died…her family, her little ones! How much life she had ahead of her…it’s tooo tragic! I’m telling u the way things unfold in life can really be shocking. We went to their place lastnite with a friend and my partner. The burial is on sunday which i will attend. May the Lord rest her beautiful soul and give her family strength through such hard times.

I had a fabulous weekend…here’s how it all went down:

Friday evening i got home at 6pm: watched me some Ellen show, then Top chef and think continued browsing channels randomly, went to bed around half 9.
Saturday morning planned to do some yoga since i’d downloaded a 40mins workout from totalconditioning.com - didn’t however do so because my sister got back home from a trip and her fiance, so we just sat and chatted for a while… lunched and then was pretty much chilling in the afternoon, my bedroom wardrobe got fixed, really restructuring my bedroom….gotta do some painting etc can’t wait to see it all finished…yippeee….later on that day, i decided to listen to Gary which ended up lasting for about 2hrs…wow, i feel sooo refreshed from all that listening i did and i am looking to continually going to purify myself. I feel great and relaxed…
I went to bed early on saturday as well (gotta get in as much rest as possible)
Sunday morning - had a late sleep in and after that, got my bed fixed and all….then went to the market with my mum, got back home, did a bit of yoga for like 15mins… went into town for a bit to check out a property my sister is interested in… then had lunch (very healthy lunch) of just spinach, beans and chicken…and uhmmm…watched TV all after there was forbes top 100 richest people 2006….veyr interesting and inspiring i guess. That was it really…
I feel all refreshed for the new week…i might be heading to the beach for a party this saturday! I say…looking forward to that if the plan continues as planned.

Am i overjoyed or what??!! Cant wait to get home, slip into my home clothes, coil up in my fav couch and unwind in front of la tv! How cool is that?! It’s like soooo cool…lol long live fridays baby!

Like i mentioned in my previous post, lately i have been downloading a whole lot of PD stuff and one of them is Stephen Covey’s famous 7 habits of highly effective people…so i have the audio version which is really cool seeing as am a bit off the whole reading thing, still fresh out of college so yee feel me. Anyhow, i am about half way thru the program and wowww…i already feel inspired to share the word! Basically he talks about being proactive in life and not reactive, making the most of things and understanding paradigms and paradigm shifts…so there was this little exercise where u basically have to visualise - so Stephen was on the train early one morning and it’s quiet, everyone is minding their own bussiness and then in the next stop there enters this man and his children and it suddenly becomes chaotic up in the train, they are screaming, out of control, disturbing passengers and even going as far as grabbing their papers, then Stephen approaches the father of these out of control children and asks ‘it’d really be good, if you could try to control your children'’ and the father replies ‘actually you’re right, maybe i should try control them then he goes, see the children are a bit out of control because they just lost their mother only less than an hour ago….'’
so the idea of this is notice, how quicky you change ur whole perception and how you automatically become more understanding and sympathetic….yeah pretty much summarises paradigm shift
the idea, i think, being we shouldn’t preconceive things or automatically become judgemental.
2nd Exercise: again visualise this - try to imagine that you are going to a funeral, you are driving to the church where the service is at…then as you enter, you hear the music, everyone looks sad…you place yourself at the very end, and then it sort of dawns on you that the the person who died is you, you are indeed the one in the casket, it’s your funeral 3yrs from now. So there are going to be 3 speeches - one by your family, one by your friends and a last one by your colleagues, the test being to write down what you’d like to have said about you by all three people.
WOW, just got my list down, and hmmm! WOW again! It’s really eye opening…
anyhow, the idea is to work on this, because it is a very easy way to individually define success…so the idea being to start from this list you just made to summarise it into a sort of own mission statement, creed, belief system, value system, purpose statement - whatever u choose to call it. Key being to BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND!!!

Here’s the list i created:

Friends
- Loving and selfless
- offered the best advice to us all
-genuinely kind and understanding
-non-judgemental
- funny
- a sweetheart
- genuinely believed in saving the world and making it a better place for all mankind
- inspired us all to be the best we could be
- always saw the best in us
- very hardworking
- peaceful and charming

Family
- funny, house always lit up with her there
- very determined and hardworking
- kind, very giving and generous
- understanding and encouraging
- devoted to family, always there for us all
- thoughtful, soulful and loving

Colleagues
- selfless
- extremely hardoworking
- knowledgeable
- generous, funny and peaceful
- tiredless
- encouraging and polite
- always willing to help

……………………………………………………….

So i am looking to create my own purpose statement based on these lists i just compiled…am out, hope someone gets as inspired as i did today!

OMG, am in loveeeeeeeeee….with Sam Cook’s music, lol…all this i never listened to his work past ’stand by me’ ohh wow, am sooo loving it, it’s music with soul, you feel what he’s going on about…wawawa, it’s super nice, for riyo! Man, ehh! Too nice, loving the instruments too…sax, trumpets….beautiful!

Lauryn Hill’s Unplugged: You people, i liked the album right from when it came out but yo, it’s like each time i listen to it, it has more meaning, i understand her more….i feel her, omg! At first it was more like shit, that’s deep and brave coming from such a huge singer…but wow, it’s all coming together now, i am totally in lurrvvv

Lately, i’ve been very into downloading audiobooks and ebooks and most of this stuff is really brilliant and the best bit is it’s free! LOL…yup! So am downloading a whole lot of PD stuff…totally working on me and i love that i conciously undergoing this process…i’d recommend Anthony Robbins, Wayne Dyer, Stephen Covey and ofcourse Gary Zukav…
Talking of which, i was listening to Anthony Robbins and he was talking about how just 1 week i.e. 7 days gusa of thinking ONLY positive thoughts, like ofcourse some negative ones might come thru but immediately we take control of our thoughts and focus them on positive thoughts…so am going to try it out, starting monday, i have friday off and am heading off to gisenyi for a peaceful weekend to reflect on many important aspects of my life…and come back all fresh, so i’ll be doing just that!!!!!

How am i feeling today: I feel confused, i feel afraid of being discovered of who i really am, i feel powerless, i feel scared, i feel unsure about myself, i feel i have no idea about who i really am, i don’t know my strengths, my weaknesses,my strong beliefs…nothing… i just feel like i am floating. I am not being the best i can be, i am not using the healthiest side of personality, i feel so vulnerable and think that crying will solve half of my problems, i am so afraid of loosing control of every little thing… it’s always about power, power, being in control!!

How i am feeling at the moment: relieved that i have begun this journey, optimistice yet not that i will continue, curious to see the outcome, unsure about this journey

I AM DOING THIS!!

“A conscious lifetime is a treasure beyond value”
Gary Zukav

tralalalalalalalal…it’s friday, this just goes to show how really lazy my ass is! dancing and soo exited because the weekend is here, sooo happy that i am going to do some serious dozing….whoooa! Watch TV till late…hahahha,fuck it laziness or not….i heart it! big big!!!! Ngaho, i have like 3 things planned…i have my friend’s graduation party that starts @ 4pm, but i can only attend from 5 ofcourse bse of work….but i have to be there, because i haven’t really been much of a good friend lately, haven’t seen her in uhmmmm 6 months? LOL…i kno, i know….shame on me for real…anyhooo…so i’ll be there till 6pm , bse that’s when it actually ends, then i’ll have to go home, freshen up, change etc etc and head to the PARTTTY! the reallllll party, lol…it’s the launch of a new beer in the country, so it’s HUGE! Some serious stars from all over Africa…it’s what’s up! Then after that, there’s an 80s themed party on starting at 9pm, but we’ll probly head for that around half 10 and it’s being held in this new hot place…well heard so much about the place and the owner is apparently very loaded etc etc…so he’s some sort of show offf, so everyone is anxious to see if it’s really a plan or not….anyway my boss just gave me soemthing ta do…later

Saw the movie…finally!! Very touching, very inspiring! Loved it…Will should have gotten an Oscar, or atleast gotten nominated or was he?? Don’t even know..well anyway he was really good, i want the kid’s hair…it’s too cool….wish i could get mine to look that good…he was adorable too…overall GREAT movie!

I am currently in my office, kind of bored…left with 5mins to go home! Just love this time of the day… i think i will have to go for driving classes today….BORING! arrghhh… had a long day!! So, am yet to ask my boss if i can take tuesday off to go for the test…soo hope he’s cool with it. Its 5:04pm….i’ve been overworking for 4mins so far…let me wait till 5:10 … 5:15 would be ideal…but uhmmm…yeah! I need to go for driving class…so let me go tell him.

That’s the time right now. I am feeling a bit blotted and a bit good with myself except that i am not particularly comfy with my size at mo. I know weight has been a serious part of my life unfortunately, i am always worrying bse it seems like even the smallest thing i eat adds 2 stones to my body…wat heck? So, i becoming a bit over my usual size and its frightening me…so i have decided to start watching out!! I started going to the gym, am looking to be going twice a week….friday and sato evenings…i will be attending tae bo and steps classes…i think they give more of a full work out…plus you get motivated seeing others doing the same thing as you so you just can’t give in and leave b4 the class ends, especially when they’re much older than you. LOL
So yeah, am going tommorow and the day after…can’t wait! Also, i will be hanging out with me boo this saturday pretty much the whole day, we’re working on the website for REACT together and i have a react meeting this sunday, looking forward to that too.
Alrighty, i dont think i have anything to say so ama stop right here….ohh wait, am trying to get me a raise man!! damn! I think its quite unfair that i work soooo hard and get such little pay compared to my other colleagues who get way more money and less work…yeah they’re probly more experienced but not ALL of them are! So the deal is am going to negotiate for a raise next month, if not i will start exploring other options. Don’t get me wrong my job is great and Lawd knows am getting SOOO much out of it, but dang u gotta balance ya know?? Donc, right now, i got my eye on something hope it works out!

Have a good one!

lol….nothing deep going on here….just having me a mini bar of milky way…lol! Thought blogworld might be interested! Ya know? LOL.

Just like most people, i like to reflect on the past year…my accomplishements, times i felt down, my regrets etc… i’ll start with the negative stuff… so here goes:

***Regrets:

- One of my biggest regrets of 2006 was breaking a promise i’d made to a good friend yet it over something so minor that i could have avoided…had i been more aware of what was going on then, i wouldn’t have.. it almost cost me one of the best things that ever happened to me; but the best bit is i was forgiven and i have been good ever since.

- hanging out with some people from uni who were just wrong for me…malicious, pretencious etc…i spent so much time trying to understand them and when i did, i spent a whole lot of time questioning myself alot…which was a whole lot of time wasted! They weren’t worth it.

***Accomplishements:

- Getting my degree!! woohooo…and most importantly getting the 2.1 that i wanted bad bad

- For the first time really discovering that i am lost and trying to REALLY find me

- Getting to understand true friendship and appreciating that few as better

- Bonding with my bro

- Getting a great job!

- being able to stay up all those nights working hard and seeing it pay off..

- Being true to myself & others and appreciating ‘the small things’

***PS: List will be edited from time to time…when i think of other things to add…

2007…

First, i just want to take a short moment and absorb the fact that another year is here…and am in good health, my family is safe, i have loving people surrounding me and very importantly, i have real love in my life for all of this and more i thank the Almighty. I pray for God’s guidance through this year, i pray for patience, forgiveness, love, kindness, understanding, no judging, strength during hard times, acceptance and a stronger connection spiritualy and religiously. I ask for all these things for all the people who mean something to me and even those who don’t.

Few things i’d like to achieve this year…

- go on a serious self discovery journey
- continue my education (atleast get a PGdip)
- get closer to my mum and sis
- attend my brother’s graduation
- start living healthy…work out and eat good
- read and listen to more PD stuff
- blog regularly
- maintain my r/ship with my few good friends
- read more books and get in the habit of reading newspapers
- stay alcohol-FREE
- become a better listener

PS: this list will be edited from time to time.

I feel good…lalalallallala….i knew that i would….lalallalal!! So good, so good….!

Yeaaaahh…its a brand new day, just back from home and going back for the holidays this afternoon…just back at work to sort out few things and am off! I had a fabulous evening yesterday! Also, i’m feeling and looking good and celebrating my last day of the year at work..lol…so bse of that i’ve woken up in a good mood, my boss is off today bse he’s ill or something, so no NOISE!!!!! Also my kid bro is arriving home today…missed him soooooo much!!!! Can’t wait to see him…plus the big party i’d mentioned previously is on tommorow, we’re meeting today to make final arrangements and sort out anything left…so iz all good!! Am also sending out christmas cards today, know its sort of late…but never too late ya know?!!
Ok…so i should be able to post my last blog of the year…! Be blessed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1. My girl T: …babes CONGRATULATIONS!! u made it…!!! I am very happy for you….girl, aki for real…u did it, just as planned u know…july 06!!? Am very proud of u…lets go rock down kigs….yewe it’s gonna be massive!! We’ll make it happen… we don’t need malls, nice clubs etc to have a good time…u and i know that real happiness is only with people you love and who genuinely love u back… ahhh…u know??? home is home…ahhh mami, love u loads & twagiye!
Congs cyane!

2. Me: I DID IT! I passed and i got the 2.1 that i wanted sooooo badly! I really thank God because i know He saw me through it, i passed very well, i really couldn’t have wanted more, i was 5th in my class! The 1st 3 were mature students…so really…i couldn’t ask for more! Lord knows i worked very hard, i wanted a 2.1 VERY badly and i am glad i made it. I cannot express my joy! Lord, i owe you big time, i still haven’t been to church since i finished exams…IMAGINE!

I am grateful to You Heavenly Father, i REALLY wouldn’t have made it without your support and guidance…i know i am no different from any of my other classmates ; it is You that made this possible and for this i will be forever thankful!

Mbega infura, she has to be Rwandese, puuuuuchuuu weeeee….luuuurv her earrings, absolutely!!! yeah, should pull that hairdo in kigs…LOL….viva la FunkY Fresh!! Too sexyyy…..FunkYness for everrrrr!!!!

It’s my father’s birthday today!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAPA…..YOU rock!!

I cannot stress how much respect, love and admiration i have for this man! I have always been closer to him than my mother…but i think it’s only over the past 6yrs that i have fully understood the truly wonderful person he is! I live to make him proud and see him smile…i pray my son has a mind like his and becomes a great father like his gran’dad.

Papa,
Though u probly won’t read this, but i hope that your journeying through days, months, years bring you happy moments, peace of mind and cheer! I pray God remains by your side over the years and keeps blessing you!!!
I love you very much and i REALLY REALLY appreciate everything you have done for all of us… U really ROCK!!

Yup…am having a great day!!

Hola blogworld!! Me fi miss u big time, me gon but me back now….ya ya! ANyhoooooo, am back!! So much has happened during this time i have FINISHED with my degree (Thank God!), all i have left is my graduation…i have been back to Q’stor (my workplace) and boy, am i working myself out…but am loving how FAT my salary will be…yum! I am planning to do some major shopping b4 i go home in august…i mean some serious shopping, for the past few weeks, i have bought like 10 new beads/necklaces & like 10 earrings or more…am really putting alot of emphasis on accessories, i am going to have a major shopping spree in PRIMARK de moi!! That shop rocks…u go in with £50 and u come out with 50 items…lol, ok a bit exagerrated but u get it! It is amazingly affordable!

OK, right…other than that i was able to also give a little something back to the world… i organised an event ‘Come See Africa’ at my uni which turned out to be a major success…it included traditional dances, fashion of African attire, poetry, drumming and more…it was a major blast, we were raising money for an organisation called CAMFED visit www.camfed.org and learn more about their work in supporting girls’ education in Africa. We were able to raise £172.57!! Amazing! I had to give a speech to launch the event…hmm, i was shaking, i got soooo emotional just reading it….the moment i was off that stage i burst out into tears for no particular reason …oh except how the girls taking part in the fashion show had come in late and so many other malfunctionings but all the same…it ended up being great, sad bit is that i didnt take enuff pictures as i’d wanted seeing as i was running up and down, but i have bits of it on video. I am hoping to do more of such events when i go back home…its great supporting a good cause and having fun in the process…wooo-hooo am excited at just the thought of doing many more fundraising events like this!!! On a different note, i am attending one of my good friend’s graduation in a few weeks time…cannot wait, it should be fun!! I am also buying my ticket home tommorow, i got a massively discounted ticket! Cannot wait!!!! My grad is on the 20th of july, my father should be here too….woo-hooo, what a feeling!! I cant wait, im thinking of wearing my traditional outfit on the day…woo-hooo!! Be good y’all and stay good….keep a positive mind! God Bless!!!

Hey everyone!! Just passing through the hood…and ka-pow!! Lol, anyway i was listening to Fantasia Barrino’s I Believe and it really touched me, it always does, it’s such a beautiful song….trully beautiful.
Ofcourse i was inspired by the fact that i went to church and Pastor Gary from Hillsong London was visiting, he delievered a beautiful word..marvelous, God bless him! I wish i could write more about the actual word but i am quite up to stuff…but bottom line was that we should aim high and have the intiative to make the 1st move to plant grains in untouched lands (does that make sense?) Basically we should start something and not wait for someone to do it then we follow bse in anycase if that other person had to have the intiative and right attitude to start to be able to see that oi! i’ll give it a shot and voila realised that it’s actually working here…and we shouldn’t surrond ourselves with people who dont want us to aim higher, just stay average (just like them)…we should hear but not listen to them, but really listen to our inner selves and only do what WE feel is right!! Hang out with people who you can learn from who can inspire you, elevate you one way or the other and not just be happy with what we’ve got…aim big and have the right attitude & initiative and be giving, give, give, bse the best things happen to us when we give… thing is most people prefer getting than giving…but the real pleasure & worth is in when we give…give ur selves to a right cause, to love others, to be honest, to go the extra mile, be selfless!!! trust in urselves and don’t think u can’t achieve something bse faith in God can make anything possible….sky’s the limit and BELIEVE!!! ( i recommend u listen to Fantasia’s i believe if u haven’t and REALLY listen to the lyrics)
Ok, seeing as i have totally diverted from my 1st point, just thought that really nothing is more important than spreading the word of God, bse that’s giving & sharing … ok now, and be blessed, hope u have understood this and if not drop a comment and i’ll try to explain! You take good care of urselves and pls pls pls pls pls pls listen to Sergio Mendes & India Aries’ song -TIMELESS…wow, that’ll need a whole other post to expand.
BE BLESSED & Much love!!

Well simply, ‘Moving on to greener pastures!!!’

BEST WISHES!!!!! Keep it African.

Hey guys, i am farrr farrr away right now, dont have the mind set to even start blogging, d-day is approaching very very fast and i am stressing - NEWS FLASH! Lol…anyhow, so basically i am taking a long extended BLOGliday till i feel like i am in a position to start yapping again. Just FYI, my work is going well, 14days left…grrr, scary! Then 2 exams, which i am planning to absolutely BASH in the face! Then, back to good old freedom. Shaky shaky stuff! Hope u’re all fine and being good, working real hard! Ok, i’ll roll things here…l8r

HAPPY EASTER!!!!!

Am home bored to hell, went to uni for 2 seminars…then town to barclays then came home, did my laundry while watching Oprah, then a bit of Tae bo at home…lol, damn…it was tiresome! Took another shower then watched Wade Robson project, am actually following it, some wicked talent going on there…then Boiling points and then watched one of those progs on celebs ‘40 hottest 40 plus’ u know…yah, that crap…well i was bored! Very very bored and looking forward to half 8 when American Idol comes on… and then…

the magic began!

keep scrolling,

yes yes…

continue

not yet there…

ok…

the magic began…

1 out…

2 out…

then another, and another…

and then all of them….

and.

KAPOW!!!!!!!!!

there it was….this brand new hair do…i’d unleashed moi meme!!!! and damn….it was hot!!

Oh my…am loving my new hairdo…it is sooo funky and cool…well well…all u ladies out there are prolly wondering how i did it, well i’d done twists for like 4 days (with no idea what such a product of boredom would bring my way) and so today, i started untwisting them and it all puffed up into this lovely afro curly hair do that ladies and gentlemen, am absolutely loving…
Have a great weekend…

I haven’t got anything big arranged just going for a house party tommorow that i wasn’t invited to (well by the host) but pssst…it still ain’t stopping me esp not after this treasure has just been discovered…lol that’s all and on sunday i hit the roads!
Be good now, y’all!!!

Oiiii!! This man has soul, he is such a finerrr, he’s got a great voice, he’s got talent, talent,talent….eeiiishhh, call me old fashioned or cliche-full I DONT CRAE!!!! but his song ‘ordinary people’ is a fantabuloustic song…i can have some of his songs on repeat over and over again, bse i REALLY feel his words, i feel him thru his songs….that’s what music is supposed to be, innit?? feeling the lyrics! forget some nasty ‘i dont give a *beep* keep looking @ my *beep*’ no offense to PCD fans…but on the real….John is a vrais Legend, oh well atleast to me!!!! As for this pic…hotnesss all over!!!!! (oops, rumours of him being gay, gatdammit, but still, dude is fiiiiiine and that body???!! I say J/Legend for bourgumestre!

EXAMS!!
I hate exams, i always get stressed even when i am more than prepared for them and eventhough i end up doing really well…but its that bloody feeling of not knowin what to expect, not being sure if all u read will appear or not….its such an ugly feeling, i hate it i hate it!!!! Nothing else stresses me as much as freakin exams….grrrrrrrrrrrhhh! Anyway my 1st paper is today (that’s right, and am im blogging??) oh well!! so i wish me the very best of luck…God is on my side that am certain about! 1

Back to bradford ::rolleyes:: lol….not very amused bse i had a blast in manchester….but one thing to look forward to is that my girls are gonna be here in an hour or so….yeahhhhh!!!! can’t wait to see them, they’re gonna be here for xmas and are going back on tuesday….so MAJOR BLAST awaits!! Hmmm, so yeah, been a minute since i last blogged, been too busy. Well here’s a brief re-cap of wat i been up to…well haven’t done any reading whatsoever….yep! not very proud of that, but i’ve been shopping!
right.
see.
the issue is that when 2 important things collide in ur schedule u kinda stick to what u enjoy doing most and yep ofcourse shopping had to win over reading, so that’s what i’ve been doing…for a week now, there’s always been a reason or two for me to go into town….serious! Funny thing is once i got up @ 11 went into town till 4pm and returned with nothing but a bottle of juice in my hand…yep, that’s me for u! Anyhoo apart from that we had our ‘famous’ christmas ball….and it was, uhhhmmm….to be very kind, it was ok! Hehhehe…..not that many people turned up, not that i really expected THAT many knowing how mean these bradford people are when it comes to paying!!! ariko black people….goosh, we got some serious issues! Anyhooo, my girl Y came up from london, we had a good time…went to the movies, saw Family Stone, that new movie with SJP….i loves that lady to me she’s number 3 on my ‘prettiest female celebs’ 1st being Jolie and 2nd Charlize. Anyway, went to Man afta that and had a good time as well…carried on my shopping, you really feel the christmas vibe in that city….people are going nuts with shopping, they’re all over….literally stepping on each others toes on the high street….gooosh!! Anyway, watched a number of movies…March of the Penguins, Flightplan(which is reallly good!), 40yr old virgin, Christmas with the kranks…lol…yahh, had fun! Back home, now….just getting set for the big day (tuesday) when i head heathrow-wise! Yipeeee….!!!

Playing in my atmosphere —-NADA—- just that silly Osbournes show on TV!!

It is very very out there!!! watch out guys, condomize!!!!

lol, yesterday evening was my first ever yoga class and woww..just the thought of it is exhausting, man!!! Lol, no on the real, i expected it to be a bit more chilled out more like meditation with bits of exercising involved, lol…but oh no…it’s got BITS of relaxation in it, i mean thats partly what its about but oi, yoga turned out to be very similar to actually working out in the gym if not worse! ehhh, the instructor is really good and fit and yeah we sure had a proper workout! Lol, i dragged one of my burundian friends along, lol…bless her, she was so not amused, lol…at the end of it she assured me how she’s sooo not coming back! hehhehe but somehow later i managed to convience her to reconsider! yeahh, well am so going back, it like the perfect workout and u donot realise how straining it is until ur done then ur body starts to madly ache! Its a weekly class but i wish i could do it more, seriously if i did that for an hour each day, Halle Berry would have none on me, lol…yah whatever sonia!!lol
on a diff, i got 3 seminars today, i only read for one…cant be bovvad to do the other…ahh!! final year is madness, its madness!!! I donot know, i donot know…but obviously my new-self-under-construction will oversee this and be more positive and have faith and enjoy the challenge of acquiring knowledge, yes baby…make ur papa proud lol! a whole other blog on him later! lol…watch out for this space! hehheheh
me going…