Ku.ti rockzzit!
Woooot! heart ku.ti to die… serious… lmao at the lyrics, ahh good stuuuff! Just read a previous random post which cracked me up… goooiii, now i see why i blog, so i can craack myself up in 10yrs time, to understand my state of mind evolution, too entertaining. Omg, i have totally grown within a week, i mean i understand how dramatic that sounds, but wait. Changed for the better, you know my whole obsession with self betterment of me? Right, so that. I mean, i listened to some good ol’ wayne… well, remind…shhhrrrrr… right, so i had a little mishap w/ him and i was all defensive and shit eventhough i should surely know by this stage we aren’t based on who said what, and who didn’t do what, but we’re more about response i.e. if shit happens to you, how do you deal w/ it? you know? Like basically, u can’t control the events that unfold in ur life… or how others will treat u, but you can choose how you’ll respond, which ultimately takes u closer to the light or further away, which, oiii trust me, u don’t wannna go - the latter i.e. Anyhoooooo, so we had a small tiny misunderstanding and i was being all att-full and basically letting my ego rule me… shit freaking ego, i hate u! Anyway, so i snobbed him and felt i deserved an apology anyway, so he didn’t and i’d call and hang up after like the 2nd ring bse i felt he should also make an effort to reach (again, ego making me super impo) anyhooo, so i wasn’t REALLY trying to reach him, it was more like ok, it’s lunch “try call” so i can have that checked on my to-do list and ofcourse bse my intention wasn’t very clear, shiiitt could tell…. damn metaphysics, this stuff works like mad! He could feel the truth or lack-of in my attempts to reach him and he didn’t pick… so anyway after like an entire day, he calls in the a.m and he goes, how are you, basically like he’d forgiven me and wanted us to move on… so i was pretending to be cool but ofcourse that stuff doesn’t last and i eventually start talking about in very detailed way how things unfolded and how he’s to blame and shit (1 THING I NEED TO LEARN IS TO NOT DWELL IN PAST, FOCUS ON THE NOW… TRYING TO UNDERSTANDING WHY WHAT HAPPENED IN THE PAST DOESN’T CHANGE MUCH MAN) ofcourse i realise there are exceptions and shiee but this is just a note to self, i get what i mean… anyway so to cut a long story short short, he ends up telling me he doesn’t know who he’s talking to - ofcourse it was me ego thats why and i said i’d call him back… so i thought about and decided to just listen to my heart and the ‘tiny voice’ and that instant i got it, i know it was my response that caused things to turn out that, had i chosen to call him him continuously and text to just try fix things and SEND LOVE bse times like those are when i need to get off my high defensive horse, get down to earfff and just do the right thing
Anyhow, so that ofcourse reminded how far back i am from the light y’all and that ish hurt like iodine! so i’ve been getting a kick outta’ some wayne, tolle and the likes and it’s getting me at the right spot! its all sinking in perfectly, almost like now’s the time to sort things once and for all esp after the “i am getting tired of teaching you” incident…. gotta do this by my self and NOW! Answers are within me, i can’t get anybody to tell me what to do or advise me, - gotta fix me, myself bse then i know i can’t go wrong esp if it’s from my heart - again, love and good old ‘right and wrong’ theories are to maintained. last nite had chat with me darling little boy boy and i was telling him how he needs to always listen to his heart bse it’ll never mislead him and will always get him on the right path… and he had some very god questions, that kid never seizes to amaze me bse he’s super smart… Gosh, i adore him to tiny intty bitty pieces 
So i got it all in folks… it’s me sorting me out and being a better person.
meanwhile the mind, omg, the mind is soooo freaking powerful, so i started also learning to disassociate myself with the things that happen to me and not blame me for them and just accept them and people as they are and just give/show them love always, so i had dinner with a friend of a friend who when i 1st met, i thought was simply amazing i.e. sweet, kind hearted, genuine and gorgeous, but after having a chat with someone and they thought she was totally pretensious and envious, i started seeing that and i think ofcourse she could sense it bse i think i am blessed some sort of diability to pretend.. so whenever i was around her, i was unable to even look her in the eye, was just dwelling on the impurity i thought she oozed… ofcourse here’s a good e.g. of how looking on the outside for answers doesn’t give u the right answers bse few nigths back in the a gathering of friends, she comes and i has a totally different att towards her and i totally re-clicked with her, i saw what i 1st saw in her… damn u mind! That was a sign and i simply going to continue heal things around me with my heart via my mind and re=purify me…. beautiful thing! Ding dong folly wang fang hung ha….
Clarity y’all!!
