Livin’ a conscious life

i just spent the past marinating all the problems in the world in my heart and letting them get to me. then it hit me that i should probably talk to someone about them, you know? mainly i was worrying about my MBA which i finally started but i am now having two troubles, one, finding/making time to catch up with studying and preparing my coursework that’s due in 2 wks and two, if i would actually be able to fund the entire course on my own, because i have only be into the course for 4 months and have been struggling majorly to find the money for it. So somehow, i wondered what i would say to someone who was in the same shoes am in - and there came the answer i needed. I’d say, take it all in one day at a time, tomorrow will sort itself out - yes, you’re behind on your studying schedule but it’s never ever late to change. God knows you have wanted this MBA for the longest time and have finally gotten started. After all, it’s never too late to catch up and get things done, so nows your chance to get it, get it, and God forbid it doesn’t work as planned, i will know i am not a quitter!
so that lifted up my spirits really high and i am now going to go for it. in other news, it’s so good to be here now, in 2012. 2011 was fucked in many ways but one but i went through it but it also had many happy memories and i am thankful to God for that. So, bring it on 2012. i am ready.

i just received an email from one of my close friends, who’s been on a soul-searching journey and she shared few things she’s learnt for the past month. I thought i should share some of my “i know for sure”

1. I know for sure that God is everything and without him i am nothing.

2. I know for sure that environment/surroundings have a HUGE impact on me and i must always be careful about the energies i get close to

3. I know for sure that nothing is more nurturing and pure than the love from/of/for one’s family and eventhough they’re the easiest to ‘forget’ - i must consciously and continually show and give love to them

4. I know for sure that when i am at my weakest, i need to surrender and only then do i find an unimaginable resilience and strength

5. I know for sure that i am capable of so much more than i do and i must strive to keep reaching for the stars

6. I know for sure that friends are so important and i am thankful for the great friendships i have made

7. I know for sure that there is nothing wrong with living life my way, as long as my intentions are good and am not stepping on any toes

8. I know for sure that the one thing i need to learn is humility - without it, we give rise to the ego. We must learn that self-importance is not a good thing and that humility makes us more God-like

9. I know for sure that i am worthy of love and that i must show love thoroughly without holding back

10. I know for sure that God’s only voice is silent - in silence will i find the truth and strength.

“So i’ll listen to alot of my spiritual audio books and just return home - where things make sense and are just beautiful…” 16 Apr 2008

one of my back hand men, my bro is getting hitched! and to be very honest with you, while i am 300% supportive of his decision and wish him nothing but God’s blessings and plenty happiness in his new life, am a tad bit worried. the situation under which it’s all happening has been rushed and quick shaky. he’s such a wonderful person with the biggest heart ever and i want him to be happy hence my worrying but i would like to say a little prayer for him on this day;

Dear God, first i come before you with a humble heart full of so much gratitude for the goodness you continue to show me and my loved ones, especially my family. i want to thank you through and through for continually guiding our paths and being by our side showing us the right paths and helping us in our individual journeys. Father, i come before You to ask that you bless my brother, that you see him through in everything he does and especially on this journey of wedlock he is about to embark on. please bless him with a happy home, may his wife be a source of continuous joy, inspiration, peace and strength. may they compliment each other in ways and may their love for each other surpass whatever hurdle they might face on this new journey together. please bless them continuously and continuously. let them be understanding of each other especially in hard situations, should they come their way. let them be each others rock and let them be each others’ best friend. God, i pray that you enrich their lives and their careers and everything they embark on. God, i pray that you help see always know that love is the strongest energy force in live, and the only force that can bring sense to anything and can bring clarity to whatever questions they might have about absolutely anything in the world. Father, i pray that you teach them to go to You for love, for understanding, for the truth. Let them know You o Father, let them constantly reach out for you especially in times of hardship times they lack clarity! let them KNOW YOU GOD, let them REACH out for You always! I also pray, Father for the children they will bring into this world. God i pray that you bless them through the whole process of bring their off springs into this beautiful, you teach them love for each other, for their children, i pray that their children are brought into a home filled with love, understanding, patience and warmth. let them grow into beautiful HAPPY children who love each other and FEEL the love around them always especially from their parents and between their parents. Father i pray that you guide these children throughout their lives to be people with love and a purpose, to love You o, God to honour You and to respect You and Your word.
I know these are too many requests, but i know you are a TRUE and CAPABLE God and most importantly, i know Your Will will always be done, so let it be done according to Your Will.
I thank You so much o, Father. I honour You and Love You and Glorify your name.

I put everything into Your Hands, o God!

—

I wish my loving brother all the above things and more. I love you so much, bro and wish you and your wife a beautifully loving home and married life.

xoxo

been down and under — with few moments of sticking my head up for fresh air. it’s been a ride full of so many turns, some very high highs and super low lows, no consistent state of being. i have been battling with the irregularity of consistency and i fighting i have been doing. it’s been eating me up and messing up my thoughts, attitudes and even my WORK. But today, this afternoon i got a revelation that somethings i thought were my doing, were actually not - and have never had anything to do with me - i need to let people esp those that mean alot to me to deal with their battles themselves, to find their own answers and journey along just like we all are doing. so am dropping all the baggage that doesn’t belong to me one by one and freeing myself in the process…

< << read this at a time, i needed to hear this the most -- listen to me, let me be my best adviser and my best guide >>> YAY me!

The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice –
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do –
determined to save
the only life you could save.

~ Mary Oliver ~

so many questions about my life and some of the most important choices i have made. i have a not so good feeling about things… but am connecting with God and asking for guidance in my decisions, for signs that lead me to greatness and strength for clarity and for light.

Dear God,

Please show me the way, please hold my hand throughout the way and if i go astray please lead me back to the right way.

thank you and i love you.

me

damnit i love her - she’s so smart, so loving, so strong and so resilient -to top it off, she’s super beautiful (within and out). She’s got the most confidence i ever did see, she only sees the beauty in life, she’s super positive, super energized and sensitive. she speaks faith into peoples’ journeys and constantly sends them positive energy that just makes them wanna conquer the world.
she is humble, she relates to people easily and is a great listener, she is interesting and always interested - she’s just a blessing to the world.
she is so strong and such a great baker - she loves her family so much and cherishes the friendships/relationships she has built on her journey - she is a masterpiece (hand picked by God) looks and thinks and acts like no other - she’s simply a blessing to those around her.
she loves herself fiercely and never speaks doubtful or insecure words to herself, she truly genuinely believes she can (and will) conquer the world with her radiance. she loves girly movies and loves “la do.lce di faire ni.ente” - the joy/beauty of doing nothing - she respects her space and is super careful about the energies she lets in, the people she surrounds herself with - she is so in tune with herself that everything she does is based on her intuition (which she defines as a God-wink - thanks, O.prah) - she is incredible and i love her fiercely.
she is a strong believer in God and his work - she believes that God is in her and is personified through love - everytime she does a loving act, she FEELS God and she loves that feeling - she is a true believer of LOVE - to her, a happy life is one filled with life - love for God, for ourselves, our fellow humans, God’s creations - the trees, the sky, the lakes, the little bugs and the rain.
she does not live for others’ approval for she fully knows that her happiness lies in living “independent of the honest opi.nions of other” she’s herself always, regardless what condition she’s in.
she’s love, ladies and gentlemen and i love her muchly and she is me.

ok, i really hope i can do this… even if i skip a day, i’d love to reflect and write about all these things about me….
starting 1/9

*Here are the topics for the next 30 days…..

Day 01 – Introduce yourself
Day 02 – Your first love
Day 03 – Your parents
Day 04 – What you ate today
Day 05 – Your definition of love
Day 06 – Your day
Day 07 – Your best friend
Day 08 – A moment
Day 09 – Your beliefs
Day 10 – What you wore today
Day 11 – Your siblings
Day 12 – What’s in your bag
Day 13 – This week
Day 14 – What you wore today
Day 15 – Your dreams
Day 16 – Your first kiss
Day 17 – Your favorite memory
Day 18 – Your favorite birthday
Day 19 – Something you regret
Day 20 – This month
Day 21 – Another moment
Day 22 – Something that upsets you
Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better
Day 24 – Something that makes you cry
Day 25 – A first
Day 26 – Your fears
Day 27 – Your favorite place
Day 28 – Something that you miss
Day 29 – Your aspirations
Day 30 – One last moment